advice please

TheWaltons_3

nichere wrote: »

thank you january20 for reading my thread and for your reply.
she does seem now unstable and all i want to do is protect my new family

Feeling unstable?

It amazes me how many men have got a 'lunatic ex wife' in the background. It's never them is it?

You have a duty to your childs Mother to give her your contact address. Tough. And if new Wifey doesn't like it - also tough.

There was no mention of her instability in the original post, just perhaps a lightbulb moment when you thought you might get more satisfactory responses from throwing this in.

She is the boys Mother and you have a duty of care to both her and him, just because you've got a 'new' family now, doesn't mean you can abandon the 'old' one.

And I'm sorry, but what doting father moves hundreds of miles away from their child?

Give her the address and stop playing mind games. What will it be next month? Stopping her CSA?

nichere

she dosnt get csa i pay more than the csa say that i should!!!
so i am not allowed a life then but she is doh.
i am not after anything on here as you put it a light bulb in my head syndrome.
no why should i slag my ex wife down!! i only put this in so people like you would understand my situation and stop thinking that it is always the mans fault that is the problem every one says oh its the mans fault all the time as it must be HIM and not the mother who might be wrong here this might happen to you one day but of course your life must be so perfect that you will always be right.

daisy_doughnut_2

nichere wrote: »

so daisy doughnut 2 if you had invested all your money etc into something and someone wanted details of this investment you would give them even if that person you knew nothing about other than that person painting a bad picture about themselves you would give them

if it ment me seeing my child an there being less ill feeling then yes i would
its not about money
its not about property or investment
but about your son

you painted the picture of your now wife not wanting the ex to know anything about where you live
you were the one that chose not try to include your son in your new families life
you will be the one that has to answer to your son in years to come if you dont try to reach a compromise now
what are you going to say to him he wont be interested in your life storie like you posted here he wont want to know anything other than why didnt try an why didnt you involve him more thats if by that time he hasnt got so fed up an wont be interested either way
ive seen it happen ive also heard other stories of it happening
think of your son not of the ex an not of your new wifes feelings but how your son needs YOU now before its to late

Curious_George_2

im sorry, its obvious that your quite upset over all this but if your attitude to people on this thread is anything like what your like in real life... then im with your ex!

calm down! you asked for opinions and people are giving them, its easy for you to get defensive but its also easy for strangers to judge you, we havent heard a 1/4 of the back story and as your ex is not likely to join in this thread, we never will...
so people can only comment on what you have said (and to be honest, your posts have not been that clear)

Tom Saunders gave his opinion on the facts you yourself have presented and things he already knows about you, (at no point did he accuse you of having an affair, he asked where your pregnant wife was when you were organising an internet meetup which is not an unfair question as far as i can see)
and now your attacking him, hoping his family falls apart!!
if you cant take any kind of criticism, then dont post threads about issues that your very emotionally attached too.

nichere

i am trying to get my son involved in my new life that is whaat i am trying to do .
this is just a game my ex plays as next time in a couple of months it will be some other reason why i cant have him i have been here before with her if she had the address that would only be for now then something else.
i have spoken to my soliciter and there is no reason for her to have my address only a letter from them stating that i have no intention of taking my son to where i now live, which i dont want do until he wants to so maybe i am the responsable father who does not want to force my son to come with me just to spite his mum and maybe i have his best interests at heart ever thought of that one.

milkfloatquack

as for the address it is not mine to give this house belongs to my wife who has paid for it out of her money and she wants to protect her investment from someone she does not even know and an ex partner who from the start changed plans etc from the very start of my relationship with my now wife.[/quote]

Blimey, 4 pages of posts and we finally get an answer. So would you be happy if your ex moved to a new house and didn't give you her address? Seeing as you lied by omission to your ex for 9 months plus over the pregnancy, it's not surprising she's having major trust issues here!

Good luck in sorting this out, hope that you make headway via the solicitors.

nichere

curious george i reacted in this way because he stated that i f****d off and now i want my son in my life now that i have a new one, and that i was on here arranging to meet women off this site behind my g/friends wifes back.
if he had read this i have never stated that i f***d off and never seen my son i have always seen my son however since last sept this has been in his mums house which is unfair as all i want tyo do is spend quality time with him.
i reacted to this and this alone how someone can come on here and imply that i was this that and the other about my son and my now wife maybe he should have kept those opinions to himself if he did not now all the facts about the weekends away that are organised on here first

krispy444

I'm sorry to hear of your whole situation and a lot of us has probably been in similar situations.

My ex threatened to kidnap my children and take them abroad, I ended up getting a resident order. My ex had regular contact with the children but I would not let him take them abroad until they were older and could understand things more themselves. So therefore I think I have a fair idea of how your ex may feel even tho' you may not have threatened to kidnap I can assure you that that idea would be a mothers worst fear. However I did realise that my ex was threatening because he was loosing his children and was scared. We have since had to work on our relationship. Because you and her will always have that tie together whether you like it or not you will also have to work at your relationship (i don't mean this as you are together but you will always have a connection). Therefore look at it from her point of you would you honestly allow her to take your son if you didn't know where she lived, I think not. Ask your new wife to be honest with you, if you and her split up would she allow you to take your daughter if she didn't know where you lived ?

As far as you and your parents are concerned surely your main interest is your son, therefore swallow your pride and let her know your address and then you will hopefully get what you want. If it was me and my grandchildren it wouldn't matter how much I hated the daughter in law I would knock on her door and go and see the child.

It takes a long time to sort these things out, but your priority should be your child not the bickering. If you try everything you can to sort things out in my mind it would look better in court. It would put her in a bad light if she was difficult and not you. Therefore tell her your address and if she then moves the goalposts again start writing a diary of events so that it would be easier for case against her.

All I can say is you have my sympathy, and don't loose sight of whats important, your son, not the arguments. Good luck

nichere

yes i would it would not bother me if i did not have her address as long as i see my son i trust her not to harm our son and do the best for him in where she lived as i have told her this i would quite happally pick my son up from some other destination.
if my son came to this address then she could have it but he doesnt.
as for keeping my wifes pregnancy from her why tell her until the child was born and then tell my son incase something had happened while my wife was pregnant she knew when the child was born.

TheWaltons_3

nichere wrote: »

yes i would it would not bother me if i did not have her address as long as i see my son i trust her not to harm our son and do the best for him in where she lived as i have told her this i would quite happally pick my son up from some other destination.
if my son came to this address then she could have it but he doesnt.
as for keeping my wifes pregnancy from her why tell her until the child was born and then tell my son incase something had happened while my wife was pregnant she knew when the child was born.

I am absolutely horrified at what I am reading. YOUR new child is your OLD Childs half-brother and Sister.

Why should your new wife need to protect her investment? Your ex isn't entitled to her house.

I think you should inform your EX that your wife is pregnant FOR YOUR CHILDS SAKE. He is 5 -are you going to pull out the baby and pretend it's a Dolly?

If you new Wife doesn't like your past she shouldn't have got involved. She can't just rewrite your past history because it suits.