advice please

Scarlett1

nichere wrote: »

hi judi
this was a longer reply but having tried 3 times already to try and answer your reply my comp has crashed.
briefly it was this:
i hope your daughter is fine know?
i text my ex nearly everyday to see how my son is and spoke to him today as i do most days on a regular basis.
i understand what you are saying about emergancies etc.
fortunatly a lot of you on here are not in the situation i am in so it is easy to say how your partners and yourselves would react.

do you speak to your ex when you ring up for your son or does she just pass the phone over ? next time you ring cant you talk to her and arrange for the both of you to meet up (maybe halfway) and talk about whats going on and try to smooth the problems over, one of you need to lean slightly for the sake of your son, things rarely get sorted via the telephone.

kenshaz

Scarlett1 wrote: »

do you speak to your ex when you ring up for your son or does she just pass the phone over ? next time you ring cant you talk to her and arrange for the both of you to meet up (maybe halfway) and talk about whats going on and try to smooth the problems over, one of you need to lean slightly for the sake of your son, things rarely get sorted via the telephone.

I tell you what mate ,that is a lot more conciliatory.

Scarlett1

kenshaz wrote: »

I tell you what mate ,that is a lot more conciliatory.

glad you approve, do you work here ?

Squiggly_Diddly

Oh good grief..... I have just ploughed my way through the entire thread.

I must say I agree with a lot of Loretta's post. It is difficult sometimes to establish exactly "who said/did what" as each person will only see their perspective and consider that one to be the only/right one, but to be honest that is mainly in the past. It is a very difficult situation and emotions do run high. There are some similarities to my experiences, however my ex and I now have a fairly amicable relationship. It has taken 6 years to get to that point and I have no doubt there will still be problems that flare up every now and then. What I have learned through this I have suggested below.

The reasons for the split etc are now in the past. All the adults in this situation need to try to realise that and move on - why not see today as a fresh start? I would have thought taking the time to sit and write a letter to your ex to explain that this is what you would like, that you appreciate you have ALL made mistakes in handling this situation so far which have not been constructive for anyone may help. The emotional energy that must be being drained from everyone must be exhausting, with this constant tension. It needs to stop for everyone's sake. Someone has to make the first move to change the situation instead of everyone trying to manipulate everyone else.

The court will ALWAYS put the welfare of the child as its highest priority, not the welfare of the adults. You say there is a court order in place - within the letter why not say that you are now going to take up your full role as your son's father again, and avail yourself of the opportunity of spending the time with your son that you are allowed. However, I would, as a mother, be very concerned about not being given your address - my instinctive thought would be "what are you hiding", you know where I live, why won't you tell me where you are? If you live in this house with your new wife and child, then it is your home - regardless of whether you own it and therefore it is your address to give out. I realise that you do have fears over this, but if they are real (rather than just "what ifs") then you can provide the address, but take out an injunction to prevent her coming to the house if necessary (and if you can prove to the court the reason for that).

What I am trying to say is that the route of court orders, injunctions, etc is not one to go down lightly (which I think you realise) and do you all really want to spend the next 13 years or so carrying on like this???). Perhaps you could ask your solicitor to recommend a mediation company - where you and your ex will sit down together WITH AN INDEPENDENT PERSON to try and clarify exactly what will happen from now on - it will give you the chance to each try to put your viewpoint (but please, without bickering) and maybe enable you to all move on.

I appreciate you live some distance away, but I have agreed that my ex can go to the parent's evenings at the school so that he remains involved in that way, as I do the daily school run so have contact that way.

It's about compromise and moving on..... not about blame and "he said/she said" anymore. I hope you get this resolved for your child's sake very quickly.

kenshaz

Scarlett1 wrote: »

glad you approve, do you work here ?

I am just a poster who likes to see fair play.He is a nice guy ,why else would he be concerned and bother to ask the question ,he does not deserve to be stoned in public.