advice please

nichere

yes i have done it said thank you to someone who has posted something other than having a go at me for this or that reason by the way yorkshire lady maybe you forgot smug as well in your post.
no i am not trying to get peoples back up here just adding to the generalization and assumtions some of you make about me.

kenshaz

This thread has highlighted the problems of those seeking help posting on this
site,constructive help,not sweeping off the cuff statements designed to hurt and initiate reaction.
Give this man a brake ,he has commited no crime ,he just wants to make his family happy.

nichere

you have took the words right out of my mouth kenshaz.
was going to write more but would have been in the wrong if i had put it.

affordmylife

I have been following you for a couple of days now and I have nothing but compassion and sympathy for your awkward situation.

I do think it is time to begin to extend the times spent with your son. I think it is admirable that you believed he was best with his mum as a baby with you visiting him. As he is now coming up to school age it would be appropriate for him to begin spending some time away from his mother.

As a mother I have been in this position myself. It is a scary and emotional time when your child whom you have never been apart goes off for a few hours and then progressively longer periods of time with their absent parent.

I began with two hours at the local park and built up from their.

My two boys now come and go as they please between their fathers and my house. Some times spending up to a week or two at their dads. I am happy with this because it is what they want.

It is not what I want or what their dads want it is their decision now that they are older. This would not be possible if we had not begun with short visits and gradually extending them.

There has to be forgiveness and forgetting on both sides in order to move on and all enjoy a happy life.

It probably would be better if you lived closer - is this something you could consider ( i expect not - because much as I have sympathy for you - you do not appear to be very flexible - please dont be offended).

It would give your sons mother some comfort that if something went wrong that she could get to her son swiftly.

I wish you all the best but ultimately you should inforce the court order that you have. There is no need to go back to court it is already there. If she objects she can go back to court. Your son does not need to know about this if you both end up back in court - not many children actually attend these decision making sessions.

nichere

affordmylife
thank you for understanding
i now live in the countryside and dont think i could move back into a big city again.
when my son visits he will be able to have some countryside and open fields to play in where he can run and play to his hearts content where there are horses in the fields etc etc without worrying about busy roads and the like.
but i do understand what you are saying about an emergancy etc and i thank you for that

affordmylife

I didnt realise it was a countryside location - im all for that -wish you luck in sorting it out - let us know how things go as I feel this will be a long ride for you all.

Remain positive and loving as you are and all will come good in the end im sure.

frannyann

Nichere, I have read the thread. You have my sympathies on a difficult situation. My ex tried to remove child from me via court but failed. With this is mind I could not give child to him without knowing an address. I know you have issues with this, but by biting the bullet you would have the courts backing to start proper overnight contact. Please please try and sort it out as now 6 years later, my child still has alot of negative feelings about ex's behaviour and that of his "new" wife, who sets the rules. Hope you are able to sort it out.

nichere

it has already been a long road upto now affordmylife and i thank you for your posts.
as you can see my son can have an escape from city life and have open fields to play in when he visits eventually.
thank you again for your words of encouragement and i will keep you informed when this does get resolved one day but guess everyone will have forgot by then apart from the ones i have had a go back at on here.

nichere

hi frannyann
firstly thank you for reading this before jumping in.
i do not want to remove my child from his mother all i want is to be able to see him and share my life with him without having to do this in his mother and grandmothers house.

Curious_George_2

kenshaz wrote: »

This thread has highlighted the problems of those seeking help posting on this
site,constructive help,not sweeping off the cuff statements designed to hurt and initiate reaction.
Give this man a brake ,he has commited no crime ,he just wants to make his family happy.

with respect, most of the replys on here have tried to give constructive advice, but if your asking for our help and/or opinions then we should be allowed to question simple things like why is witholding basic information from your sons mother such a big fat deal??
its not like he is handing over a full bank statement and sort code,
its an address! over 4 hours drive away (if i remember rightly) an address which the OP probably gives out to loads of nameless people every time he enters a competition, writes a letter or fills out a form,

there have been occasions on this thread where nichere has been overly defensive and that has caused him to come across as arrogant and rude, like it or not, people will react to that, and very rarely in a good way!

i doubt there is anyone here who doesnt sympathise with a man who cant get proper access to his children, but only being given one side of a story, we are only scraping the surface of whats really going on....
(plus, this is the internet... any old crank can say what ever they like regardless of how much it hurts or offends anyone... you cant take it personally! if you are likely to get stroppy about people prying into your most personal affairs, then maybe they shouldnt be posted on an open forum )