advice please

nichere

if i was to go into every detail regarding the battles i have had on here with my ex i would be here for a very long time.
i am not having a go at you either bestpud but people are just saying give the address ok they havent got all the facts of previous things that have happened between myself and my ex but i did put the facts down to why she stopped me having my son out of her house and that was because i had a new girlfriend who i had known since feb of that year and she was well aware of her then she changed the way i see my son in sept.

Scarlett1

nichere wrote: »

i asked for some advice on here before i got in contact with a solicitor!!
thought you might have sympathy with my ex thats fine thats upto you.
dont you think i have tried to be amicable and sort things out with my ex or just let this go on since sept??
i have my son for 5 hours it would be a 4 hour round trip so i dont think i would make it somehow.
and this is not about getting her hands on bricks and mortar as you put it this is just another one of her games that she plays as i said next month it would be something else as it always has been

you have a 4 hour round trip so you at some point are going to want your son to stay overnight, I dont see you picking him up and taking him to his ground parents for a couple of hours then taking him back, your ex can see this so thinks thats ok yes you will want him back at your house some point in times so asks for the address but you wont give it, why ? the ex cant get anything out of your or your new wife so whats the problem ?

nichere

oppologise curious george if i miss read your thread what you put.
i am not childish, bitter yes towards my ex.
however as for having a go at people on here maybe if they read what has been said through out this then maybe i would not react the way i do as someone has already admitted to doing ie not read all the posts.
if i do react angrily this is not my intention and i apoligise to those people.

nichere

scarlett1
my parents live about 20 minutes from my son and i always took him there and my wife knows that.
of course sometime in the future i will want take my son to stay with me over night but this will be whe he wants to then there is not a problem with her having this address however at this moment in time as it has been since last sept since i was able to take my son anywhere he will have to get used to being with me again.
ok you say so why not give her the address now if you will in the future anyway i hear you all say as i have said this is a game with her next month there will be something else and so on this is her way of controlling me by hurting me the way she knows how through our son.

paddy's_mum

Werll, I have read all the posts nichere, so there will be no need for you to get angry with me and subsequently have to apologise.

Above all, what I keep 'hearing' is all these people who love each other - you and your ex love your son, you love your new wife and baby daughter, the various grandparents love the various grandchildren, you once loved your ex, your present wife loves you, etc, etc) - and yet for a circle of people where there is supposedly so much love, there seems to me to be a pitiful amount of the other great emotions such as sympathy, understanding, compromise, affection, loyalty. There also seems to me to be almost no mention of those grand qualities called kindness and good old common sense.

One set of grandparents wouldn't dream of writing to one of the daughters-in-law, one of the mothers won't allow her child to meet the child of another - and yet, if asked, no doubt each of the adults concerned would give you good reasons why their course of conduct is okay.

Believe me, nichere, where the health and wellbeing of a five year old is concerned, this pattern of behaviour is FAR from okay! It strikes me that EVERY single adult in this mess wants their blasted stubborn heads banging together! When are any of you going to drop your adopted positions and start to at least try to negotiate a way forward?

I do wish you well with all this and can understand the hurt you must be feeling. However, what apparently NONE of you can see is that in reality, and in the long term, the only person to be hurt is your son, the one innocent in all this.

In the years to come, when he actively loathes each and every one of you for the stupid games and cruel manipulation that was inflicted upon him, what will be the cry of the adults in this wicked stewpot then?! Time for you all to stop hurling the insults, getting one over on each other and darned well think on!!

bunty109

nichere wrote: »

scarlett1
my parents live about 20 minutes from my son and i always took him there and my wife knows that.
of course sometime in the future i will want take my son to stay with me over night but this will be whe he wants to then there is not a problem with her having this address however at this moment in time as it has been since last sept since i was able to take my son anywhere he will have to get used to being with me again.
ok you say so why not give her the address now if you will in the future anyway i hear you all say as i have said this is a game with her next month there will be something else and so on this is her way of controlling me by hurting me the way she knows how through our son.

I think people can see your point, but by refusing to give her an address you intend to give her in the future , aren't you just pandering and playing games yourself?

You've the opportunity to show her that you are above squabbling, yet you're not taking it. All the time you are missing out on seeing your son, and for him to get to know your daughter and new wife. Your son is missing out too. And for what? An address!

Curious_George_2

nichere wrote: »

if i was to go into every detail regarding the battles i have had on here with my ex i would be here for a very long time.

thank you for the apology,

nobody is askng for your life story, but as of yet you have not posted a single valid and reasonable explaination of why withholding your address is so important?
has the ex ever threatened violence against you or your new wife?
do you fear that your property may be vandalised if she knew where you live?
now these particular situations my OH and i have been in with his ex, and i called the police, told them the situation, they offered to have a word with the ex (which i decided wasnt nesessary and would have made things worse) and said that now they had been informed if she actually showed up then i could call again, state the case number i was given and have her arrested,
it was no preventative measure.... but it made me feel better, just knowing that if she was stupid enough to turn up or if my property suddenly started getting trashed (windows broken, tyres let down etc) then she would be held accountable,

the one thing people on here cant understand is why you cant give your ex such basic information, especially if it shuts her up and makes life easier for everyone,
if there is no other proper reason other than "its a game" then really it just smacks of you being difficult to wind the woman up, and thats why you have had some of these negative replies

nichere

hi paddys mum great post by the way.
as if i would have a go at you.
only you missed one thing out in all of that and thyat was down right stubbornness im guilty as is everyone concerned in this matter as most of the people on here proberly guilty of as well
i have been trying to negotiate a way forward with my ex but i wont cover this ground again.
at the end of the day i want to spend time with my son that is all however as i have said this is just a game with my ex and there is nothing more i can do about this other than keep trying i am not just blaming her for everything here but this situation should never have arisen but unfortunatly some people have other ways of dealing with what they want in life and how they can use situations for there own needs rather than looking at the big picture.
the last thing i want to do is go to court trust me but i still want my son to spend time with me on our own not with me and my new family yet so we can just play happy families either.
somehow i dont think i may have put this over the way i may have wanted to but im sure someone will tell me otherwise.

nichere

curious george thank you for accepting my apology
it is the ex who moves the goal posts ok tit for tat etc but i have had several years of this.
no i know she would not threatn violance etc but my wife had a lot of problems previously where she lived on her own and some people did things by sending things and causing her anguish to her house then and she had to move because of this and all she is doing is trying to protect herself now as she knows nothing about my ex personally all she knows is that in the time she has known me all she has seen is my ex being awkward and she feels she cannot trust her.

findingmyownway

nichere wrote: »

no i know she would not threatn violance etc but my wife had a lot of problems previously where she lived on her own and some people did things by sending things and causing her anguish to her house then and she had to move because of this and all she is doing is trying to protect herself now as she knows nothing about my ex personally all she knows is that in the time she has known me all she has seen is my ex being awkward and she feels she cannot trust her.

From what I gather you already have a court order giving you permission for overnight access from when 5yo was a baby. Feel free to correct me if I’m wrong but these things remain valid until another takes over – therefore you ARE entitled to take your son overnight. It would only be reasonable to give you ex plenty of warning so why not take another posters suggestion and phone her to say you wish to start acess from next Saturday?!?! Even if you choose not to bring your son to your new house on that first occasion, you are entitled to spend time alone with him
I know that doesn’t address the initial concern of her having your address – but you have given no sensible reason why she can’t have it. I don’t blame the woman for wanting to know where her son is going. What you YOU think your Ex would do with the info? You have already said you have no reason to fear her through violence etc. Your current wife has no right to stop you seeing your son by refusing to ‘allow’ you to give out the address – and anyway, once its done its done so just have some guts and get on with it! My main problem here is that you claim to want to work things out and spend more time with your son but seem to be ignoring the simplest way of going about it.