advice please

bright_side

For heavens sake - she is his MOTHER!!! Good or bad she has every right to know the home address of ANYONE who is taking her child out of her sight.
Have you asked your new wife if she would happily let someone take her baby out without knowing where they live?? And yes, I appreciate you are not just 'anyone', you're his dad.....you SHOULD want to do whatever it takes to keep up contact with your child. Go and see a solicitor, get things sorted properly. I think you may have trouble finding one who would agree with you on the address issue though! Please don't keep your new family secret from your son....he may grow up feeling he wasn't good enough for you and them. Yes, his mum may be awkward and bitter about it all.....so someone needs to be the bigger person here. As children grow older they figure it all out for themselves anyway. You have the choice as to whether you're gonna end up the 'goodie' or the 'baddie' at the end of the day.....

nichere

ftao tom saunders
mate if you must know my wife is the one who arranges these weekends for people on here to go to men and women i was doing the work on here as she was pregnant and unable to always be on here keeping the thread at the top wife being treacle, so before you try and start slandering me as being some kind of man who has affairs i suggest you try and keep your stupid opinions to yourself mate.

nichere

Also tom saunders you know absolutly nothing mate i went and seen my son from the very day my ex left me on xmas eve with my son and kept going to see him even when she started trying to argue with me in front of him so do not try and ridicule me you perfect man HA.
I still see my son now as much as is possible even though it has to be in her house read the thread you pure man(i bet).
i tell my son i love and adore him every time i see him.
as for the address it is not mine to give this house belongs to my wife who has paid for it out of her money and she wants to protect her investment from someone she does not even know and an ex partner who from the start changed plans etc from the very start of my relationship with my now wife.

nichere

as far as the addres issue for all yopu know it all people i have spoken to my soliciter today who dealt with my case and guess what there is no reason for her to know my address unless i am taking my son to this address.
what i have to do is get my solicitor to write a letter to say where my son will be when i have him and that is that.
and for all you doubters out there who say i am not a man etc etc i stayed with my ex wife through thick and thin even when we did not have any kind of relationship for over 2 years i still never once thought about having an affair or anything like that so dont come on here questioning my loyalty towards my family ie ex wife or son.
wish i was as perfect as some of you make out to be that you are.

daisy_doughnut_2

i didnt understand most of your last 3 post's
what you are still missing tho is that you dont seem to be seeing this from the mothers point of veiw
you have also just made your new partner out to be a little unfair also by saying it is her who doesnt want to divulge your address
im not suprised now that the mother of your son is supiciouse of her i would be

i would understand if she was asking to meet the new partner and to inspect your home just incase you ever took your son there but she is not
do you never want your son to stay with you EVER

you need to grow up there are fathers who would give there bank details to there ex's for a few hours with there children

i think you an your new partner need to grow up an think of your sons needs rather than your own

nichere

so daisy doughnut 2 if you had invested all your money etc into something and someone wanted details of this investment you would give them even if that person you knew nothing about other than that person painting a bad picture about themselves you would give them???(yes my wife does want my son to be a part of our new life)
as for the other posts i was having a go at someone who was on here calling me some kind of bloke who goes around having affairs on here by helping my wife set up weekends away on here for both men and women who go on the weekends and have a good time that was all and not having a go at everyone that is all.
by the way neither of us wear the trousers this is 2007 not the 1900s reply to an earlier thread

kenshaz

I feel that you may have good reason for not disclosing your address,and therefore perhaps the solution lies in a compromise .Speak to your wife's solicitor and agree to disclose the address to him/her ,this information is only to be used in an extreme emergency or a breach by yourself.

Arrangement could also be made with your parents acting as intermediaries ,so that you do not have to have direct contact with your ex-wife preventing emotional upset.

I also feel that having a child creates bonding and you both want the best for the child . It will happen,it is difficult,but please try to understand the other's point of view and give some ground ,it will be appreciated and you will get respect.

Wait and be patient ,win her respect ,think about what you need to do to build confidence ,what do you need to do to prove to her that you are sincere ,you know her better than I.Approach this in an intelligent manner and put your emotions aside they are clouding the issue.

nichere

thank you kenshaz
and no this is not what i wanted to hear in case all you cynics out there start saying otherwise this is what i am trying to do but when there is an ex who blatently says that her solicitor says that she is in her rights not to let me have my child anywhere other than in her house even though i do not want to take this to court and why i have not fought for my rights AS A MAN as some put it before what kind of a dad would want to go to court and fight for what he knows is his right only to upset his son in the process by trying to gain a brownie point over his ex wife!!!!
and that is why i have put up with her manipulating games for all this time!!!
i see my son and always will as much as i can it is just hard to spend quality time with him when you can not be alone with him.

kenshaz

I understand your feelings and you must try to control your emotions they are making you respond without thought .
I would think about winning trust ,ignore statements about what the solicitor is supposed to have said,let it go over the top of your head.

It is a fundamental right that you should see your child and develop a relationship,that is recognized by every-one ,the obstacle is that you must prove your obvious good intent .

Before each action and contact ,think what is the correct response in these circumstances ,step back take a breath and think,confrontation will never achieve what you want compromise will .It all takes time ,one step at a time .
The courts will only give you an enforced solution ,you want an answer that is built on understanding and trust .

I have read through your posts and I feel that you are basically a good and sincere person this is tearing you apart inside,stop that and you will have made progress ,I promise you ,you will look back in 10 years time and wonder why you worried ,your child will know that you loved him,always behave in front of him with dignity prove to him and his Mum that you love him and it will all come right ,not immediately but keep on trying and keep those emotions in check

I have just read one of your posts in which you state that your ex-wife does not want your son to be part of your new life ,try to understand her feelings ,why does she feel like that ,perhaps she is afraid of losing part of the child she loves ,understand that ,and remember that you cared for her once ,stand in her shoes.
Take care and good luck

nichere

thank you kenshaz
for all you doubters out there who have said this that and the other about my feelings for my son and that i fd off and all of qa sudden want my son to be a part of my life and i am a part time mcdonalds dad etc etc.
when i was married to my ex wife i worked out of town in job working 12 13 hours a day to try and keep a roof over my familys head in all weathers outside etc and get phone calls saying we have no money etc etc but when i suggested to my ex about maybe her working weekends to try and help her reply was i am not giving up my weekends you work more hours and get a weekend job as well.
this got to a point where i was going to go to work and disappear and not tell anyone where i was and the only reason i never done this was my son.
when she left i was still working out off town away from home and living on the breakfast that i had from the b&b until the next day as i could not afford food for myself as i had to keep up payments on the house until it was sold so that my ex wife had money from this sale so she could find somewhere to live for her and my son so it did not get repossessed.
i could not afford food in the house or have heating or electric as the bills for these would have made it even worse and i was in debt upto my eyeballs i was 9 stone and at 6 ft 1 this is not healthy when i had a meal i could only have kid size meals as my stomach had shrunk so much.
yet still i carried on for my son and my ex so that they had some thing coming to them when the house was finally sold nearly a year later when it was all resolved.
my life was on a downward spiral and never really improved until i met my now wife who has helped me look at life a different way and without her i most proberly would not be here now.
my ex was fine while i was down and in the doldrums but now i am debt free and have a smile on my face and enjoy life again.
so tom saunders (and all you other people who have come on here saying give her this that and the other you were a part time dad and you only want your son in your life now etc etc) i hope this happens to you especially tom saunders you sanctamonious !!!! with your judgemental ways saying i am this that and the other i bet you think you are something else in your little perfect world coming on here and judging me when you have no idea you sad shallow minded fool there are a lot of other things i would like to say to you but that is as low as i am going to stoop to someone like you.
other than him i opoligise if i have offended any of you