advice please

findingmyownway

It sounds to me like you both have some growing up to do. Not to tell your son he has a sister is unforgivable - can you imagine the shock he is going to get when he's older and he will certainly resent YOU for not letting him be part of her life.

Just because a couple are divorced doesn't mean your 'old' family can't be a part of your new one. I am suprised you don't want to involve your son with his stepmum and sister. Your exwife couldnt stop this if the courts agree you can provide a reasonable home for him to stay in at weekends etc. Maybe she thinks if you can't be bothered to tell him / involve him in your new life that you shouldn't be leading him on in other ways.

mountainofdebt

I totally agree that there's alot of growing up - by both parties to be done here.

Can you begin to imagine, how your son would feel in years to come when he learns that you couldn't be asked to put up with a little bit of hassle so that you could be a part of his life and he yours? You say you want your son to be happy but that means being a part of his life regardless of the **** that you may have to go through when dealing with his mother.

And just for the record, if your ex-wife really wanted to she could track your address down using the various web sites.

nichere

findingmyownway
you have not read this at all have you??
my son does not know he has a sister who is 5 weeks old by the way because of the way his mother is at the moment and to say i need to grow up when you know absolutly nothing about what my divorce was about or what my life has been like since i got divorced is absolutly absured and so to the two people who have agreed with you also.
i do want my son to be involved with my life now however his mother does not and yes i do know the shock he will be in but when an ex wife wants to poisen and lie to my son then what do you want?
i do not want sympathy or anything else here as this is my problem with my ex all i wanted to know was can she stop me taking my son out of her home without her conscent and when legally i am entitled to do this??
maybe read proberly before judging me and saying grow up!!!

nichere

tiamai-d
how on earth can my mum and dad see there grandson in my exs new house where she lives with her mum!!!!
so i guess you always get on with exs mums and dads regardless of what has happenened get a life this is not a fantasy fairy tale this is real life.
my ex does not want our son to see his nan and granddad she is trying to dictate the situation of how i get to see my son no matter what so again i would suggest reading the whole lot instead of jumping on at the end of threads.

MXW

I have not read all the posts. Speaking from experience, my ex moved house and refused to tell me his new address (for no good reason other than him being awkward) I refused him access to the children until he had supplied an address. He then took me to court and the judge ordered him to give me his address if he wanted access.

tiamai_d

I did read the whole lot.

If you think that maintaining civil relationships for the well being of a child is a fantasy then it is no wonder you have so many problems. It is very unfair and harmful for a child to be in the company of people who openly despise their Mother and have no intention of ever changing.

I would suggest that you speak to the solicitor or lawyer who dealt with your divorce and custody case instead of seeking advice from a forum, where you are unable to fully explain your original question.

ps, I have a life and thankfully it is working out a lot better than yours.

kazmeister

tiamai_d wrote: »

I did read the whole lot.

If you think that maintaining civil relationships for the well being of a child is a fantasy then it is no wonder you have so many problems. It is very unfair and harmful for a child to be in the company of people who openly despise their Mother and have no intention of ever changing.

I would suggest that you speak to the solicitor or lawyer who dealt with your divorce and custody case instead of seeking advice from a forum, where you are unable to fully explain your original question.

ps, I have a life and thankfully it is working out a lot better than yours.

I agree entirely. The people on this forum are trying to help you and can only do so by asking questions to get the whole picture. Your son needs to be part of your new life otherwise he will grow up wondering why daddy doesnt want him at his house etc. If you dont like the comments people are making then dont ask for advice on an open forum. Sorry but you sound like my child having a tantrum because you havent got the answer you want.

tanith

The simple answer is just give your ex-wife the address for goodness sake and your child will then be able to have a relationships with his family... nothing is more important than that little boy in all this and he needs to be able to see all his family, and all its going to take is you handing over your address, HOW HARD IS THAT....

mae

Are you not worried that your ex will tell your son that you have another baby? Or does she not know either?

This sounds like a power struggle with you and your ex she is exercising control over where you take your son and you are exercising control by withholding your address.

I just wonder what your son (not your wife or you) makes of the fact that he has never seen where you live and doesn't even know where you live? I have a four year old who is very forward and she would be very puzzled if she didn't know where her dad lived so I am sure your son must have it in his mind.
Also when he is at school and they talk about mummy and daddy to their friends these days its quite normal for them to say I only live with mummy or I only live with daddy but when there friends ask where does your daddy live and your son has to say 'I don't know' do you not think that will confusr him??

It sounds from your posts that you love your son very much but the fear of what your ex may do is clouding your judgement. I mean if she is not a threat in danger terms then I personally would take the risk and tell her where you live purely and simply for your sons sake. And then even if your ex will still not let you take your son to your home or your parents at least your conscience is clear where your son is concerned. I also feel then that if you took it legal you would have more of a leg to stand on.

Good luck with what ever you decide but just remember that the only loser here really is your son if this continues.

squashy

We really do want to help you. You have asked for advice and our advice is to give your address to your ex wife. You are chastising her for childish actions- quite rightly, but you are then sinking to her level by coming up with irrational reasons why you wont hand your address over.

I can just picture her on another forum somewhere saying "my ex husband is so unstable, he won't even give me his address, what is he trying to hide?" Please take a step back from this and LISTEN to how this sounds from the outside. As someone who cares that this child is raised by two stable parents that love him a great deal, I am asking you to please please stop giving her ammunition to be awkward.