advice please

affordmylife

I understand your concern for your new family but what do you mean exactly. If you fear danger and violence surely you must fear that for your son living with someone unstable and you must get some professional help with this - social worker?

nichere

she is not unstable towards our son she is unstable to wanted to control my life when i8 was single and on hard times she was extremely happy with herself but now i have moved on and got on with my life and am happy again all she wants to do is put obsticles in mny way to try and make me unhappy.
do not worry if she posed a threat to our son then i would do something about it.

bestpud

I guess she is just worried? If you live away and she has no idea of the address then it doesn't seem unreasonable for her to fear you taking him away and not coming back. After all, you've rebuilt your life and she perhaps thinks you want to slot your son into that life?

I think you're making her worse - it seems like you have something to hide.

Just my opinion!

affordmylife

I didnt mean to pry. We do have the same situation with my husbands ex wife endless changes of plans, cancellations of visits etc. Only the passage of time eases this. My step children are now 16 and 18 and although one still lives with her mother the other has now left home.

There mother is still as awkward as hell but doesnt affect us too much any more as the girls can do what they like a bit more now.

Just be welcoming and caring to your son and one day things will be better.

She is just jealous that you have a good life and have moved on. That live would have been hers if she wasnt such a crank and she probably realises that.

She will continue to be awkward probably until she realises its not going to get her anywhere. As your son gets older he will be able to see her for what she really is. He will not respect her if she prevents him from having enjoyable times with his other family members - he will resent her. She will be the one that he is angry with in the future.

Do all you can for him and hope he realises that you only want his happiness above all else. My best wishes to you all.

nichere

best pud
i do not want to slot my son in to my new life he is better of with his mum not me
i do not want to take him to where i now live all i want to do is take him to see his nan and grand dad again that is ll.
i have nothing to hide i think you are all getting the wrong end of the thread here all that i want is for our son to be happy and to see his nan and grandad again as they are getting old, however i do not trust her as i have said she has lied and manipulated situations for her benefit in the past, so yes i am worried what she may do to my new life with my wife and daughter not violance but in other ways who knows!!!

nichere

affordmylife
THANK YOU.
You are right all i want is for my son to be happy and everytime i see him i cuddle him and tell him how much i love and adore him and always will.
you are proberly right about her and the life she could have had just a shame she spent most of our married life with her mother and still does but that is not my problem as i say all i want is what is best for our son and i would never deny him seeing her mother if anything happened to my ex as it is very important for my son to see his grand parents who undoubtly adore him (but unfortunatly one set of grandparents cannot see him growing up at the moment and this is what hurts me.

affordmylife

Could your mother write to her former daughter in law explaining that they would like to see their grandson? Perhaps appeal to her better nature? It is better for the child to have as many people in his life as possible that love him.

Has your new wife and daughter really not met your son. This is really intolerable. You must consider going to court to change the nature of the access order. You should be able to have him stay over at your house. Any judge could see you are a good loving father just wanting the best for your son.

nichere

unfortunatly my mother dispises my ex for what she done to me in the past and now by dening my son seeing her so i am afraid her writing a letter is out of the question.
no my son has never seen my new wife(only briefly last year on his 4th birthday) or daughter (his sister, unfortrunatly he doesnt even know he has a sister as i know she would poisen his mind even more if he knew, my ex found out on friday when i told her that she was denying our son seeing his sister as well as his nan and granddad so who knows what shes told him now!!!! yes that is what she is like).
the nature of the access as set out in the court is that i should have my son at weekends and on holidays already but i didnt pursue this when we got divorced as he was still only a baby and needed to be with his mum and not with me when he was a baby

bestpud

nichere wrote: »

best pud
i do not want to slot my son in to my new life he is better of with his mum not me
i do not want to take him to where i now live all i want to do is take him to see his nan and grand dad again that is ll.
i have nothing to hide i think you are all getting the wrong end of the thread here all that i want is for our son to be happy and to see his nan and grandad again as they are getting old, however i do not trust her as i have said she has lied and manipulated situations for her benefit in the past, so yes i am worried what she may do to my new life with my wife and daughter not violance but in other ways who knows!!!

Yes, I understand that. What I am saying is that YOU know that but SHE doesn't iyswim? I was just trying to say how she may see it, not suggesting at all that you would do either of them. If she is jealous then actions like that will just make her worse imo.

tiamai_d

By withholding your address you do appear to have something to hide. If you live 'mile and miles away' what can your ex possibly do to your 'new life'? Are you worried she will turn up on your door step and attack your wife?

If your parents are so desperate to see their grandson, then they should make an attempt to at least be on civilised terms with your ex. I would not allow my child to visit someone who 'despised' me either. If they are not grown up enough to be civil to your ex, then whats to say that they are not going to spout poison to their grandson about his mother?

You are letting what has happened in the past get in the way of moving on.

Would it be possible for your parents to go and visit their grandson in his own home first? If they truly want to see him, they should be able to put aside their feelings towards your ex for the sake of their grandson. Perhaps if your ex sees how they are with your son, she will realise that there is nothing to worry about.