advice please

Errata

OP seeing a solicitor will enable you to understand exactly where you stand legally. You've mentioned the fact that your ex believes you will kidnap the child and take it out of the country. If this is merely a fantasy of hers then perhaps it would be wise to mention it to the solicitor, especially as you refuse to disclose your address.

nichere

dont know if its a fantasy or not im afraid on her part? i havent even got a passpot as i lost it when moving so dont know how far im going to get

Kimitatsu

Hi Nichere

I have read all of the post through and sympathise with both of you! I can understand that if your ex is being so acrimonious towards your new family then you want to protect them understandably, but equally I can see that in your ex's eyes your son is the only thing she has in the world, you have moved on with your life, have re-married, got your own house and a new baby whilst she is left still at her mums. Now I also realise that you feel that is her issue and its up to her to sort it out which to a certain extent it is, but at the moment the only thing that she possibly feels she can control in her life is the way you see your son.

That is not to say that it is in any way fair, and you have my sympathy, but just as you see how she can poison your son, she is very probably worried that your parents will do the same about her.

I can understand that she is worried that she does not have a contact address, as a mum I would be the same. If you watched the news this morning then there is the story of the little girl whose dad took her out to a supposed party and was then taken to Libya.

I think what you need to do, is either sit down and talk to her or even better write her a letter so that if you have to go down the legal route you can show that you have tried your hardest to sort things out first. Give her your address and explain to her that you have no wish to take your son away from her, that she is a good mum but you would like to give him the opportunity to know his step sister and his grandparents. Keep everything reasonable, and if she wont listen then at least you have tried.

It wont be easy but good luck

nichere

kimitatsu
i have tried talking to her but to no avail and try and keep it amiacable however she will not budge on this and my parents do not and never said anything about her in front of our son as i would never allow this as she is her mother regardless of what others may think about her.i have seen the news today but there is no way i would do this, if i did then my son would be taken away and that be it for me as far as my sn is concerned also i would lose my daughter as well.
i want to be able to spend quality time with my son on my own as well as my parents seeing there grandson and my son seeing them and his new sister.
i live with my new wife now and she choose to live with her mum as she did when we were married as she spent most of her time with her when we were married. that is what she wanted that was her choose ok why did we have a child when our marriage was like that i hear you ask? i dont know but i adore my son and would never change that.

Loretta

You say the court has set out your access, weekends etc, but you have not taken it up because he was just a baby, well take it up now, you have the court's agreement just do it.

I do think that you should give your address

You are his father, you are a grown up, you have the court's agreement, do you want someone to hold you hand? Stand up for your self. If you cannot face your ex face to face then write her a note that from, about 2 weeks time, reasonable notice you will be collecting your son at ..time... to take him for the weekend under the terms of the court order dated...

I think you are scared of her, if she says no you just agree! stay calm and tell her that this is what you are going to do. If I was your present wife I would be furious

nichere wrote: »

unfortunatly my mother dispises my ex for what she done to me in the past and now by dening my son seeing her so i am afraid her writing a letter is out of the question.
no my son has never seen my new wife(only briefly last year on his 4th birthday) or daughter (his sister, unfortrunatly he doesnt even know he has a sister as i know she would poisen his mind even more if he knew, my ex found out on friday when i told her that she was denying our son seeing his sister as well as his nan and granddad so who knows what shes told him now!!!! yes that is what she is like).
the nature of the access as set out in the court is that i should have my son at weekends and on holidays already but i didnt pursue this when we got divorced as he was still only a baby and needed to be with his mum and not with me when he was a baby

Scarlett1

nichere wrote: »

all i wanted to know was can she stop me taking my son out of her home without her conscent and when legally i am entitled to do this??

im not surprised your ex wont let you take your son out if you are even thinking of doing the above and witholding your address is making her more paranoid and the situation worse, you have to share 50% of the blame for not seeing your son, give her your address and get your access visits back on track, your ex dont seem psycho to me just a normal mother who is afraid she isnt going to get her son back cause her ex is acting like he has something to hide.

mountainofdebt

The whole point that everyone is making is that you and your ex wife will always have that common link of your son.

So at the end of the day you have two choices:

a) be part of your son's life completely, even if that means putting up with a nightmare of an ex wife but has the advantage of you getting to know your son and he you - and when he's older he can realise what his mother is really like.

b) Have no relationship at all with your son, and give your wife all the chances in the world to 'brain wash' your son with her version of events and him ending up hating you.

The choice as they say is yours.

Tom_Saunders

nichere wrote: »

My son is not the problem i know he wont that is not the issue here it is my ex wife not letting me take our son out of her sight as she thinks i will kidnap him!
i also pay over the odds on my maintenance to her even though the csa said i should pay less than i do and have never failed to make a payment.

you asked for advice and rec'd it. Your wife is perfectly within her rights to want to know your address. TBH you make yourself sound a bit daft refusing to give it to her. Are you the man in your relationship or your new wife ?

tiamai_d

Nichere, I'm very sorry if I have been nasty.

The situation you are in is very unfortunate.

If you really can find no way of encouraging your ex to trust you, then I would suggest you could either try one of the family counseling services or go see your solicitor.

If she has suddenly and without reason changed the terms of your access, then she is in the wrong. Although you can demand your access rights and remove him from his Mothers home, under the times negotiated by the courts, it would be unwise to do this without her consent. It would be distressing to your son and it could be viewed in a very bad light by a court.

The best thing you could do is to speak to your solicitor. Clarify what you are permitted to do and what you are not, then go to your ex and explain that you want what is best for your son, but a court of law has said that you can do such and such. If she disagrees, then tell her you will take action to force her to follow the instructions of the court.

If you act in a reasonable and responsible manor (and that includes your family) then there is no reason why she would be allowed to withhold access or force supervised access. If it came down to disclosing your home address for her to allow you to take your son to visit his grand parents, then you should give it serious concideration.

On a personal note, I think it would be a good idea to include your son in your daughters life. Though this may have to wait until the situation with your ex has improved.

Tom_Saunders

Quote
The nature of the access as set out in the court is that i should have my son at weekends and on holidays already but i didnt pursue this when we got divorced as he was still only a baby and needed to be with his mum and not with me when he was a baby[/quote]

I can't belive I am reading the above ? Children need their mum's and dads.

He needed to be with his Mum ? TBH sounds like you just !!!!!!ed off and didn't want to know. Then you want to see him but won't tell her where you live. A few month ago you were arranging a weekend away with loads of women of here ? where was your pregnant wife / girlfriend when this was gonig on ?

Sound like you are a bit immature, getting married and not inviting your son, my youngest is 5 almost the same age as yours so I know what I'm on about. Not really sure you do.