Feeling really down about something fairly trivial. WARNING LONG WHINEY RANT!

victory

Solsol wrote: »

The only opinions that should matter are yours and maybe your husband's

To be honest with you, I'm 31, think I have an alright figure and don't scrub up too badly if I do say so myself but I can't remember the last time my hubby told me he loved me or that I was gorgeous.

I'd love to have hubby say something along those lines to me so I think you are lucky in that respect. Also why would you say that "he would say that"? Not sure about your hubby but mine never says things he doesn't mean - maybe that's why he hasn't told me I'm gorgeous in about 2 years - having a baby certainly changes things!!

Awww, that's sad, do you feel you lack confidence? Could you not go out with your friends and try out some new styles/clothes/make up ideas/have a pamper day/look online for ideas and create a style for you?

Solsol

I don't lack confidence at all and I'm happy with the way I look I just have a rubbish husband who prefers to watch cricket or football!

jackyann

Lots of good general advice here, but I would add this:
my mother used to say that in our family, the women always looked young until they got to about 45, then they "aged" very quickly. She said it was because we had very pretty, round faces, but that prettyness fades, and round faces are less attractive as they age. She said that after about 50, strong bone structure comes into its own, and that what looked attractive changed.

I am sure that she was right - not sure if it applies to you - it does to me. So at 50, I got a make-up lesson (had the last one at 20) saved up and took a trusted friend shopping for a couple of outfits. I also re-learned dressmaking in order to make clothes to my own style. I think now that I just look my age (well over 60!).
I also remember the wise words of Anita Roddick: Laughter, curiosity, love - all great anti-aging treatments.

Auntie-Dolly

I was at the market with my friend last Saturday and the woman on the stall asked if I was her mother. I'm 52 and she is 49! Does wonders for your self esteem.

victoriajj

ska_lover wrote: »

Fearne Cottons only 32, don't remember her being overweight at all.

I know what you are saying ref Dawn French, she does definately look gaunt

I think it's Fern Britten

sorry hadn't refreshed page - already been corrected

Bogof_Babe

If I could give the OP just one suggestion, it would be ditch the leggings. Awful things, stretched over every lump, bump, kneecap and muscle, and drawing attention to any bulges. Heck they're not even comfortable! Well cut black trousers are the most flattering leg wear for women over a certain age. M&S have dozens of styles to choose from!

And I agree wholeheartedly with not taking a devoted husband for granted - that's one blessing many of us would give our right arms for.

Enjoy the fact that your daughter is drawing so many admiring comments as she matures into womanhood. Whether we like it or not, we've had our time of being youthful and glowing, and some of you are lucky enough to be able to bask in the delight of having created a creature of such beauty. I often wonder what a child of mine would have been like, had I been lucky enough to produce one.

You are more blessed than you give yourself credit for . At 48, might you be a bit pre-menopausal? Hormones messing with your confidence etc?

Flossie.

Awww, thank you for all your suggestions everyone. I think I need to maybe not change the blonde hair colour, but maybe get some streaks, and keep it down just above shoulder length, and let the natural curls fall. My husband said that my hair not being scrunched back but being loose and wavy instead takes 5 years off me. Thanks for the suggestions about a 'bob' but it doesn't suit me.

And maybe I should swap the leggings for trousers, and buy a few new outfits. I rarely buy clothes as I think I look fat and frumpy in most things. But maybe I need to try the 'correct' outfits for my shape. And maybe I need to wear a bit more make up. I wear very little and it's a bit old.

A friend online suggested lip liner to make my lips look full (they're already fairly full,) and some different eye make up make my eyes look larger (even though they are already large.) As full lips and large eyes are more youthful.

I also read somewhere that pretty accessories in vivid colours can help, and also nice nail varnishes. Could try that I guess.

And I think I would benefit from a bit of weight loss. Maybe a stone or two.

And yes I do feel blessed to have my lovely hubby. But no matter what he says I still take peoples comments to heart. Especially, as I said, when it's quite a number of people who are commenting.

I knew I wasn't going to look 21 forever, but to be mistaken for 60 at 48! That's a new low.

Thanks again though. You have all made me feel quite a bit better. :A

Flossie.

Solsol wrote: »

I don't lack confidence at all and I'm happy with the way I look I just have a rubbish husband who prefers to watch cricket or football!

I'm sorry Sol I hate to hear about people being unhappy. Big hug for you. (((HUG))) :A

dandy-candy

I feel your pain! Up until 3 years ago I was still getting asked for ID when buying alcohol - I was 38! I have always looked a good ten years younger than my age, but then I went through a stressful time (mum died after a long battle against cancer, massive vicious family feud and now ostracised) and I started to get my first wrinkles, put on nearly two stone and slobbed about. Even though I'm losing weight my body seems to sag now, my skin doesn't glow, my hair has dried to tumbleweed - my spark has gone.
But omg I plan to fight back! And so should you!
Ditch the comfy clothes and dress a bit more sophisticated (not mutton though), experiment with hairstyles and make up, walk tall - tummy in and shoulders back. And really really try losing weight. It used to fall off me in my thirties, now it's taken my six months to lose less than a stone. Why on earth did I let myself get fat? I really regret that, and they say the older you get the harder it is to shift, not to mention the stress on your joints, Heart etc.
You aren't alone. Loads of us have let ourselves go and now feel invisible ( I miss being ogled!), but you can fight back

Flossie.

elsien wrote: »

I went to the cinema with my mum a while back, and was given a senior citizen discount despite being nowhere near retirement age, so I feel your pain.
I too have always been taken as younger than my age so to suddenly be thought of as 20 years older came as a bit of a shock.
Personally I put it down to 17 year old cinema assistants thinking anyone over 30 has one foot in the grave. (And the fact that I was seriously sleep deprived and had bags under my eyes larger than suitcases - a minor detail!)
In all seriousness, yes I'd probably look younger if I dyed my hair and used make up, but I can't actually be bothered in the morning. So if people take me as older than I am, so be it.

Oh dear Yep it stings don't it?!!!

Also, as someone said earlier, I think that people are so used to middle aged people who are famous looking all smooth skinned and pouty and with no grey hairs, that they expect everyone to look like that at 45-48 ish. So when someone doesn't look like that, at that age, it's thought that they are around 55-58.