Feeling really down about something fairly trivial. WARNING LONG WHINEY RANT!

Flossie.

dandy-candy wrote: »

I feel your pain! Up until 3 years ago I was still getting asked for ID when buying alcohol - I was 38! I have always looked a good ten years younger than my age, but then I went through a stressful time (mum died after a long battle against cancer, massive vicious family feud and now ostracised) and I started to get my first wrinkles, put on nearly two stone and slobbed about. Even though I'm losing weight my body seems to sag now, my skin doesn't glow, my hair has dried to tumbleweed - my spark has gone.
But omg I plan to fight back! And so should you!
Ditch the comfy clothes and dress a bit more sophisticated (not mutton though), experiment with hairstyles and make up, walk tall - tummy in and shoulders back. And really really try losing weight. It used to fall off me in my thirties, now it's taken my six months to lose less than a stone. Why on earth did I let myself get fat? I really regret that, and they say the older you get the harder it is to shift, not to mention the stress on your joints, Heart etc.
You aren't alone. Loads of us have let ourselves go and now feel invisible ( I miss being ogled!), but you can fight back

I love this post. :rotfl:

I am sorry you went through a terrible time, and sorry you feel a bit bad about your looks too, but it's so enlightening to hear from someone else who feels like me.

I haven't been through much really that could cause me to age a lot in the last 4-5 years. Although I did go through a lot of stress between 35 and 40 ish. But that was around 10 years ago... And as I said, I didn't start to 'age' til about 46-47. (The last couple of years.)

I wonder how I let myself get fat too AND why I can't seem to lose the weight!!! MUST. TRY. HARDER!!!

Person_one

Flossie. wrote: »

I think I need to maybe not change the blonde hair colour, but maybe get some streaks, and keep it down just above shoulder length, and let the natural curls fall.

And maybe I should swap the leggings for trousers, and buy a few new outfits.
But maybe I need to try the 'correct' outfits for my shape.
And maybe I need to wear a bit more make up.
A friend online suggested lip liner to make my lips look full (they're already fairly full,) and some different eye make up make my eyes look larger (even though they are already large.)

I also read somewhere that pretty accessories in vivid colours can help, and also nice nail varnishes. Could try that I guess.

And I think I would benefit from a bit of weight loss. Maybe a stone or two.
:A

You know what's easier than all this? Learn to let go, and stop caring what other people think of the way you look. If you're clean and tidy and appropriately attired for the occasion, screw 'em, why does it matter what you look like?

Its unbelievably freeing to make the decision to stop buying into this idea that looking as good as possible at all times is your duty, an unpaid extra job that you didn't apply for, so resign!

Flossie.

Person_one wrote: »

You know what's easier than all this? Learn to let go, and stop caring what other people think of the way you look. If you're clean and tidy and appropriately attired for the occasion, screw 'em, why does it matter what you look like?

Its unbelievably freeing to make the decision to stop buying into this idea that looking as good as possible at all times is your duty, an unpaid extra job that you didn't apply for, so resign!

I know you're right person one, but I really do feel down about people thinking I am a decade older than I am!

And I do want to do something about it.

I wish I could be like some people, and not care. But I can't.

Thank you though. I appreciate your advice.

alias*alibi

I'm 42 and also feel like this. Always looked young for my age until my DH had an affair and I got ill; I seemed to have aged quickly. I've got long blonde hair that I have highlighted so tends to look a bit dry, overweight by several stone and have lost the ability on how to dress fashionably. I've got bags under my eyes and getting loose skin on my upper eyelids. I'd love to have eyelid surgery as my eyes were always my best feature.

I will say that having my teeth whitened did make a difference; I also fill my eyebrows in where there are gaps and always wear blusher to give my face a glow. If I can save up enough money I'd like to give Botox a go to see if I can get some sort of eyebrow lift to raise my eyelids up a bit as I look tired all the time.

Gah; getting older sucks!

Flossie.

alias*alibi wrote: »

I'm 42 and also feel like this. Always looked young for my age until my DH had an affair and I got ill; I seemed to have aged quickly. I've got long blonde hair that I have highlighted so tends to look a bit dry, overweight by several stone and have lost the ability on how to dress fashionably. I've got bags under my eyes and getting loose skin on my upper eyelids. I'd love to have eyelid surgery as my eyes were always my best feature.

I will say that having my teeth whitened did make a difference; I also fill my eyebrows in where there are gaps and always wear blusher to give my face a glow. If I can save up enough money I'd like to give Botox a go to see if I can get some sort of eyebrow lift to raise my eyelids up a bit as I look tired all the time.

Gah; getting older sucks!

Awwww, massive hugs to you too (((HUGS))) :A I am sorry for your bad times and your blues too.

You are the third one to mention blusher too. I think I will try that too.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Have a bonfire. Burn all those manky leggings and tops; my 77 year old mother wears those damn things and they look a mess. Especially if they're accompanied by a cheap pair of court shoes or ballet pumps.

Buy some jeans. Primark go up to a size 18 in most sizes and many have very forgiving levels of stretch.

Change your hairstyle/colour. Blonde highlights seem to be the hallmark of older people, particularly when they go for the platinum/cool colours. And if the only way to manage it is to tie it back, it's the wrong style for you; but if you want the choice, experiment with twisting it into a low bun, adding an accessory or something, rather than the scraped back I-don't-care-anymore look.

Try wearing some tops designed for women; I'd suggest slightly fitted, jersey work shirts, as they look smarter than ratty t-shirts. Not polo shirts, though. Or wear a shirt over the top of a fitted t shirt.

I'd look at the colours you choose. Beige, grey and the cold mauves, aquas, mint and peaches are colours I associate with pensioners. Especially if your colouring is a little washed out as your hair is greeting and a cool colour. And if they're florals, even more so.

Make up is up to you; I wear mascara and eyeliner. Definitely get your eyebrows threaded and, if necessary, use a light eyebrow pencil. You can get lashes and eyebrows tinted if it sounds like hard work.


You're not particularly large, so don't dress and act as though you're the size of a house. That's what 'old' people do.


Most of all, smile. A world weary, sad, I used to be pretty face is an old face.

I could look like I'm pushing 50 if I wore leggings, scraped back greying hair, heavy brows and no makeup. But I don't - and I don't.

pollypenny

I'd say it's the leggings, tee shirts and hair scraped back that's creating your drab image. As Jojo said, get some jeans and tunic tops, in good colours.

Do something else with your hair. If you can lose some weight, good. Otherwise work with it, but don't think baggy tee shirts will work.

Pyxis

Well, there's another way of looking at this.

Nowadays, people ARE looking younger! Women over 40, over 50, over 60 are, in general, looking younger than they did twenty years ago, and definitely younger than thirty and forty years ago! I see women in Top Shop, Next and Gap with ages ranging from 20s to at least 50s. It's actually far more difficult to give an age to a lot of women these days.

So it may not be that you look older, but that people are used to women looking younger!

Having said that, grey hair is ageing, particularly as most women colour it out. Hair pulled back into a ponytail will reveal all the grey at the temples and forehead and accentuate it. Just getting rid of the grey would probably do the trick! Blonde with highlights sounds good!

jackyann

Depends on the grey.
I began to go grey at 27, and as I love swimming, colouring & highlighting created a lot of problems, as well as being expensive.
I did go through a bit of an awkward "pepper & salt" phase, but I was fairly sure that I would come out the other side with my father's & grandmother's beautiful white hair. Now it is quite elegant!
As for colouring - I think the block "mono colour" looks aging - and good colouring is very expensive.

jetplane

Dare I say it but if you have been so used to being complimented on looking 10 years younger then maybe you just took your eye off the ball and got a bit complacent? I say this because tying your hair back in a pony tail is quite harsh, it not only enhances the grey but exposes your face, neck and jawline which may age you and personally I feel that, at our age, pony tails, leggings and tshirts are for cleaning or exercising but not everyday attire. *ouch*

5 years ago your daughter was 12 so people wouldn't notice her, whereas at 17 her youthful beauty is a constant reminder of the passage of time.

If you are always hot then think about a different hairstyle or learn to pin it back in a more flattering shape. I wouldn't be going for more make up, brighter colours or lip pencil. However you could change your make up and use highlighter to enhance your lips, cheeks etc.

If you really want an honest opinion then book an appointment with one two or more make up counters. For £50 mac will give you a make up lesson, they do half your face and you do the other and then you spend the £50 on make up. I prefer clinique or bobby brown but try them all and get different ideas. Look at Lisa Eldridge on you tube.

Have your bra fitted professionally (if your ever up North Sadie the bra lady is second to none). Book a personal shopper session in John Lewis and Debenhams or other store. You don't have to buy anything but you will see shapes that flatter you and get some new ideas.

Don't put things on hold until you lose weight, do it now, the right clothes will take pounds off you. And next time you get offered OAP rates, take them and spend the money you saved on new underwear.