Feeling really down about something fairly trivial. WARNING LONG WHINEY RANT!

Flossie.

I am a regular user, but feel so embarrassed at this.

So I made up a new name.

Talk about first world problems!

I am 48 years old, and am married with a 17 year old daughter.

Up to about 44/45 y.o. I was frequently told I looked much younger than I am, like when I had a party for my 40th and handed out invites to neighbours, they were shocked as they thought I was 28/29! In my very early 30s, I was mistaken for 23-25 y.o.

Then as I passed the 44/45 stage, I noticed people stopped saying I look young for my age.

Well this past 6-12 months, I have had three or four occasions where new people I meet have thought I am over 50. And one woman who just met me through an acquaintance invited me to the over 55s women's group in town! :eek:

Then today, I went to ask how much haircuts are (at a new hairdressers,) and they said "it's usually £15, but Wednesdays are half price for over 60s; I have a slot free in fifteen minutes if you want to wait......" :eek::(:shocked:

!!!!!!, I always looked 8 to 10 years younger than my age. Even at 43/44, I looked more like 36, and now 5 years later apparently I look 55 to 60!

I don't want to post my actual picture in case someone google searches it and sees my real identity, but I have mousy blonde hair (highlighted blonde,) my hair is greying a bit at the temples (not much!) I am 14 stone and 5 ft 4, (size 18,) I wear my hair in a ponytail a lot, and at the back of my head with a large clip, because I get hot easily, and it's easier to manage. I wear leggings and t-shirts a lot and baggy shirts (I know: typical fat person's attire. ) I have had a similar look for about 10 years though (including being fat. I have been 14 to 15 stone for about 10 years.) So why do I suddenly look old now?!

I am wishing people would think before they speak. Another bugbear for me is.........

I love my daughter dearly, and she is slim and beautiful, and none of this is her fault, but I get sick of people comparing me to her. She is 17, I am 48!

Just lately, we have bumped into people I have known from years back, and one man who knew me when I was a teen (and I was slim and young and blonde,) pointed to my daughter and said 'oooh she's a nice looking lass' and I am pleased when people say this. But then he followed it with 'your mom used to be like that many years ago: she used to be pretty and slim like you' like I am ugly and fat now!

And then some other guy said in the doctors the other day, 'you've got a lovely figure' to her, and said 'don't take after your mom then!' and laughed.

Also our dentist, has said THREE times now, that my daughter's teeth are perfect, 'not like your mother's!' I am almost 50 FGS, of COURSE my teeth aren't like hers. Her teeth ARE perfect yes, but mine are all right for nearly 50.

And even my neighbour up the road said the other week, that 'Lucy's a lovely looking lass isn't she?' And I said 'thank you: I think so,' and smiled, and she followed it with 'don't you wish you still looked like that?'

I am overweight, and am ageing yes, but I am sick of being compared to my daughter who is 31 years younger than me, and is of COURSE going to have smoother skin, better hair, whiter teeth, and a slimmer, firmer figure.

Then someone else looked at my wedding photo from 1989 the other week, and said 'weren't you young and pretty and slim then?' Well yes, it was 25 years ago, and I was 23! And basically, they may as well say that I'm old and ugly and fat now! :mad:

I'm sorry for the rant. I am only 48, not 100, and I do have feelings. Yet I am being made to feel like an ugly fat old pig.

Any kind words anyone? Anyone experienced the same? Any idea why I look a generation older than I did 5 years ago?! I am not ugly, and was classed as pretty when i was younger (in my teens and 20s and 30s.......) I am told I have nice eyes and a nice smile. And my face is not 'jowly' at all and I don't have many wrinkles (hardly any actually!)

Sorry. I know people have worse issues. But I tell you what, I am beginning to get a real complex now. It's not a one-off thing. People have thought I am 6 to 12 years older about half a dozen times this past 6-12 months, and I have had at least 3 or 4 comments comparing me to my daughter. My hubby tells me to take no notice and that I look gorgeous! (BLEH! He WOULD say that!)

Thank you for reading if you got this far..............

victory

Flossie. wrote: »

I am a regular user, but feel so embarrassed at this.

So I made up a new name.

Talk about first world problems!

I am 48 years old, and am married with a 17 year old daughter.

Up to about 44/45 y.o. I was frequently told I looked much younger than I am, like when I had a party for my 40th and handed out invites to neighbours, they were shocked as they thought I was 28/29! In my very early 30s, I was mistaken for 23-25 y.o.

Then as I passed the 44/45 stage, I noticed people stopped saying I look young for my age.

Well this past 6-12 months, I have had three or four occasions where new people I meet have thought I am over 50. And one woman who just met me through an acquaintance invited me to the over 55s women's group in town! :eek:

Then today, I went to ask how much haircuts are (at a new hairdressers,) and they said "it's usually £15, but Wednesdays are half price for over 60s; I have a slot free in fifteen minutes if you want to wait......" :eek::(:shocked:

!!!!!!, I always looked 8 to 10 years younger than my age. Even at 43/44, I looked more like 36, and now 5 years later apparently I look 55 to 60!

I don't want to post my actual picture in case someone google searches it and sees my real identity, but I have mousy blonde hair (highlighted blonde,) my hair is greying a bit at the temples (not much!) I am 14 stone and 5 ft 4, (size 18,) I wear my hair in a ponytail a lot, and at the back of my head with a large clip, because I get hot easily, and it's easier to manage. I wear leggings and t-shirts a lot and baggy shirts (I know: typical fat person's attire. ) I have had a similar look for about 10 years though (including being fat. I have been 14 to 15 stone for about 10 years.) So why do I suddenly look old now?!

I am wishing people would think before they speak. Another bugbear for me is.........

I love my daughter dearly, and she is slim and beautiful, and none of this is her fault, but I get sick of people comparing me to her. She is 17, I am 48!

Just lately, we have bumped into people I have known from years back, and one man who knew me when I was a teen (and I was slim and young and blonde,) pointed to my daughter and said 'oooh she's a nice looking lass' and I am pleased when people say this. But then he followed it with 'your mom used to be like that many years ago: she used to be pretty and slim like you' like I am ugly and fat now!

And then some other guy said in the doctors the other day, 'you've got a lovely figure' to her, and said 'don't take after your mom then!' and laughed.

Also our dentist, has said THREE times now, that my daughter's teeth are perfect, 'not like your mother's!' I am almost 50 FGS, of COURSE my teeth aren't like hers. Her teeth ARE perfect yes, but mine are all right for nearly 50.

And even my neighbour up the road said the other week, that 'Lucy's a lovely looking lass isn't she?' And I said 'thank you: I think so,' and smiled, and she followed it with 'don't you wish you still looked like that?'

I am overweight, and am ageing yes, but I am sick of being compared to my daughter who is 31 years younger than me, and is of COURSE going to have smoother skin, better hair, whiter teeth, and a slimmer, firmer figure.

Then someone else looked at my wedding photo from 1989 the other week, and said 'weren't you young and pretty and slim then?' Well yes, it was 25 years ago, and I was 23! And basically, they may as well say that I'm old and ugly and fat now! :mad:

I'm sorry for the rant. I am only 48, not 100, and I do have feelings. Yet I am being made to feel like an ugly fat old pig.

Any kind words anyone? Anyone experienced the same? Any idea why I look a generation older than I did 5 years ago?! I am not ugly, and was classed as pretty when i was younger (in my teens and 20s and 30s.......) I am told I have nice eyes and a nice smile. And my face is not 'jowly' at all and I don't have many wrinkles (hardly any actually!)

Sorry. I know people have worse issues. But I tell you what, I am beginning to get a real complex now. It's not a one-off thing. People have thought I am 6 to 12 years older about half a dozen times this past 6-12 months, and I have had at least 3 or 4 comments comparing me to my daughter. My hubby tells me to take no notice and that I look gorgeous! (BLEH! He WOULD say that!)

Thank you for reading if you got this far..............

I got this far:D do you want to loose weight? Do you want to style your hair in another way than the ponytail? Are you happy with you? If you don't want to make changes to you then whatever anyone else says just ignore:D

Flossie.

Well I am happy with me Victory. I think I scrub up Ok But when so many people are commenting it is making me feel down and blue, and making me wonder if I AM old looking and unnattractive

ska_lover

Well Flossie,

people DO say thoughtless things, without actually meaning any harm - but I know it does cause harm and upset on the inside. Maybe it IS time for some changes though - for you
- I mean we all want to make the best of ourselves.

It is very unfair to be comparing you to a teenager, we all change, and I certainly don't look the same as i did as a teenager

With all due respect, you COULD make more of yourself - if you wanted to.

How about trying out a new hairstyle? If you have had the same hairstyle for a long while, it can appear ageing - and may not suit you now - as it did when you 1st had it. Don't let greys show, they are automatically MEGA ageing.

Tshirts and Leggings are never going to win any compliments I am afraid, even on someone very slim, they give off a 'don't care what I look like'' vibe

You are calling yourself fat - which indicates that YOU are not happy with your weight. Do something about it hun

You say you have had the same look for ten years or so - You need to change it. Ten years ago it was clearly working for you - and now it is not - you are dressing for someone ten years younger and that in itself is ageing


I hope you dont mind me being honest, it is all said with best of intentions

Gigervamp

I was like you a few years ago, in that I looked a lot younger than my age, but over the last few years I seemed to age quite a bit, despite not having many lines.

My mousey coloured hair was greying and I wore it in a ponytail all the time. It made me feel like an old woman, so I recently had it cut into a short bob and then I dyed it with a red dye.
It's amazing the difference it makes. I look younger, and because it looks a lot better, I feel better about myself. I even treated myself to some new makeup.

Why don't you get your hair done and see how you feel then. Maybe get some new clothes in a different style to what you normally wear too, if you can afford it.

ska_lover

You know what hair style seems to be really flattering - and makes women look younger? Fringes. Every lady I see with one looks cute, and softer featured even well into 60's

I need me one of those

Flossie.

Hmmmmm, thanks for the comments folks. And I am not offended Ska lover. I couldn't BE more offended than I already have been this past year or so!!!

Keep the comments and suggestions coming people. Be honest. Not cruel and brutal LOL, but honest,

Maybe it IS time to change my hair but I do adore being blonde. I think blonde is youthful? Maybe? I had it darkish a couple of times in the last 5 years; it didn't suit me as my face is pale.

Maybe being a chubster is ageing me too.

Flossie.

Have to log off for an hour, but will be back 10.00 ish!

belfastgirl23

As another woman of a certain age I sympathise!

But you are overreacting and I think this is probably because it's triggering something in you that feels negative about the aging process. As you say of course you look older than your daughter, of course her teeth are better. So why are you worrying about other people saying what you know to be true?

When something like this is irrationally bothering me I tend to focus on what it is about me that's the problem rather than what it is about other people. Are YOU happy with how you look and how you are aging? I know you say you scrub up well but my feeling is that the answer is no or else these comments would be like water off a duck's back. So if this is the problem then it's up to you to do something about it.

BTW in the spirit of counting your blessings, your husband still finds you attractive. This is not something to take for granted!

geri1965_2

Well, it strikes me that there are some very rude people around you.

But anyway, it sounds like you are in need of a makeover as possibly you have lost your confidence, and confidence can be the thing that makes you attractive.

Bobs are very flattering for older women (and also younger) and a bit of make up does wonders. My mum (late 60s) starting wearing it when she got a job in a charity shop and it made her look so much better.

Definitely bin the leggings and t-shirts as well (or save them for in the house).

BTW I don't think being overweight is ageing. Fatter people often look younger and losing a lot of weight can make you look haggard.

hollydays

Worth going to somewhere reputable , like a Mac makeup shop and asking their advice. They might say, " you need to change the colour of your foundation" or " a neutral lipstick would flatter your skin tone". I think getting some makeup advice would be great .

I go into selfridges without any makeup and spend a whole morning trying stuff out , and getting expert advice.