Feeling really down about something fairly trivial. WARNING LONG WHINEY RANT!

thorsoak

Flossie. wrote: »

Awww, thank you for all your suggestions everyone. I think I need to maybe not change the blonde hair colour, but maybe get some streaks, and keep it down just above shoulder length, and let the natural curls fall. My husband said that my hair not being scrunched back but being loose and wavy instead takes 5 years off me. Thanks for the suggestions about a 'bob' but it doesn't suit me.

And maybe I should swap the leggings for trousers, and buy a few new outfits. I rarely buy clothes as I think I look fat and frumpy in most things. But maybe I need to try the 'correct' outfits for my shape. And maybe I need to wear a bit more make up. I wear very little and it's a bit old.

A friend online suggested lip liner to make my lips look full (they're already fairly full,) and some different eye make up make my eyes look larger (even though they are already large.) As full lips and large eyes are more youthful.

I also read somewhere that pretty accessories in vivid colours can help, and also nice nail varnishes. Could try that I guess.

And I think I would benefit from a bit of weight loss. Maybe a stone or two.

And yes I do feel blessed to have my lovely hubby. But no matter what he says I still take peoples comments to heart. Especially, as I said, when it's quite a number of people who are commenting.

I knew I wasn't going to look 21 forever, but to be mistaken for 60 at 48! That's a new low.

Thanks again though. You have all made me feel quite a bit better. :A

My suggestion - go and get fitted for a couple of new bras ....they do make all the difference! And I speak from 71 years of experience ;-) Also - start using a moisturiser serum even if you don't bother with makeup every day - it helps the complexion.

Most importantly ....RELAX - and wallow in the compliments given to your daughter ....after all, she is 50% your genes! - and to be honest - would you really want to be 18 again, and have to go through all the angst?

Just a few tweaks and you'll having people saying that you look amazing x

maman

I can identify with you flossie. So many things you've said rung a bell. I've been there!


Although I was a bit older than you when it hit, I went through a phase of feeling like an anonymous old bag lady. It was really getting to me and pulling me down.


Number One was I'd gradually put on a bit of weight. Not massively (about 3.5stone) and gone up from a size 12 to a size 16. I had the dilemma of do I buy 18s (as 16s getting tight) and accept it or do something about it? I decided there was no way I was sliding into old age all fat and frumpy. I joined Slimming World and haven't looked back. I lost the weight in less than a year and three years on I'm still feeling great. SW is the only 'diet' I've ever tried and it's basically just healthy eating so suits the whole family.


My hair is mousey too and I've always had it highlighted. Now I have a few caramel tones and others put through and I go more regularly to the hairdresser. Previously I'd always leave it that couple of weeks too long and it'd lose all its shape.


I also have my nails and eyebrows done regularly and wear a bit of light make up. When you bath/shower, use loads of moisturiser and generally look after your skin. And use perfume!!


Living in leggings wasn't an option as I had to dress OK for work. Instead I used to dress from head to toe in black to try to cover up. While I was losing the weight I started to buy a few bits from charity shops and cheap places (like Matalan and Asda) so I could afford to experiment with colour. Now I'm a lot more adventurous and it's great to wear what suits me rather than what fits. Today I'm wearing a muticolour floaty skirt with a lime green vest top.;)


I'm sorry this post has turned out so 'me, me, me' but I'm so pleased I've turned that corner and I'm sure you would be too.


Good Luck.:)

Slinky

Flossie. wrote: »

I wonder how I let myself get fat too AND why I can't seem to lose the weight!!! MUST. TRY. HARDER!!!

Please please read this book. It will explain why you haven't been losing weight. Following the advice here you will not have to try harder, you just eat smarter. I've lost nearly a stone since April and my husband even more and it's really easy once you know what you SHOULD be eating (and it's none of the low-fat low calorie rubbish you've probably been trying). And you're never hungry!

http://www.amazon.co.uk/Escape-Diet-Trap-John-Briffa/dp/0007447760/ref=sr_1_2?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1406816535&sr=1-2&keywords=briffa

pmlindyloo

Lots of good advice here so thought I would add my pennies worth.

In your 40s your hormones are in a bit of a downhill trend and there can be a huge change to skin tone and suppleness and general looks.

Plus there is a certain point where hairstyle and dress sense keeps you young looking but then begins to be mutton dressed as lamb. This automatically makes people add extra years to your age because they think you are trying to fool them.

Hair in a pony tail is for indoors or the young. It pulls back the skin and can create an ageing affect.

Sorry about all that!

You sound as if you want to do something about it so go for it. Just a change in your hair colour/hair style will take years off you.

Take your daughter shopping for clothes with you. Nothing like the young to give an honest opinion.

Yes, I'm all for people living the life they want but you sound as if you are pis*ed off with the comments so do something about it!

All said with best intentions and good thoughts!

tea_lover

If you are thinking about dropping some weight I can highly recommend MyFitnessPal (website and apps). It's great for food logging etc. I joined about 6 weeks ago (9.5lbs down ) and it's been a great help for me to realise what I was actually eating and how I can make better choices.

catkins

I don't agree that grey hair always looks ageing. I started going grey in my late 20's but as I had dyed my hair from about the age of 18 it didn't matter. When I got to 50 I was sick and tired of colouring my hair so stopped. Once all the colour had grown out my hair was almost totally grey, luckily a nice silvery colour. I have always been mistaken for a lot younger and that hasn't changed even with the grey hair. I was 60 recently and people were genuinely surprised when I told them. Even the woman who served me with my prescription said she couldn't believe my age when I said I did not have to pay.


I do have a fringe which I agree helps you look younger and I have a very short spiky young style only because it suits me and my hair type.


I also agree about oily skin. My skin was dreadfully oily when younger (although I was lucky to rarely get spots) and it is still pretty oily but I have very few wrinkles. I don't wear makeup and have never really had a skin care routine but I have never smoked, drink very little alcohol and never really sunbathed so that all helps.


I would definitely look at your hair style and think about highlights or lowlights as they can be very flattering. I also would look at changing your clothing as leggings and baggy T shirts don't flatter many women.

purpleshoes_2

What worked for me was when I was losing weight, I found a charity shop that sold clothes v cheaply (I appreciate depending on where you are they all dont operate like that). I was able to update my wardrobe for very little

I agree that colour helps. Its very easy to get into a colour rut. I used to wear a lot of black and even now I'll wear black when Im out or in casual clothes, but I'll mix it up with a bit of colour.

One colour that really doesnt flatter me is grey. I have a couple of grey dresses that I wear now and then, but I remember being in an exercise class about 8 years ago facing the mirrors, wearing grey and I was about a stone lighter than I am now, I thought who is that jabba the hut lookalike staring back at me? Some colours might make you look bigger than you actually are.

Im pretty low maintenance when it comes to a beauty regime, I have decent skin, but I like to wear perfume and I do my nails, dont go and get them done professionally, but most days I'll wear nail varnish.

I do wear my hair in a ponytail, its just easier to manage for me but if you are willing to experiment with your hair, you should find a colour and style that makes you feel good.

I like superdrug for their hair and face products, every now and then I'll put a face pack on and even if no one notices the difference in my skin, I know Ive done it.

Im a big believer in people feeling confident no matter their size but I know when I was carrying two extra stones plus, I felt rubbish about myself and I bet it showed. I didnt socialise as much, my diet was crap.

Im quite happy being the age I am, whether I look younger or older is up to other people to think, if someone thinks I look 40 or 35 fair enough, if someone thinks I look my age fair enough or older.

But its how I feel about myself that matters. Getting some weight off will make a massive difference to the styles of clothes you wear and how you carry yourself and you might find the rest falls into place after that.

FBaby

In any case, don't we all look 10 years older or younger depending on the situation? I certainly look much younger when I am about to go out, having put some make up on, making my hair look its best, dressed nicely and with a big happy smile on my face.

I put on 10 years when I come home from work after a very busy week and I feel absolutely shattered. I have also noticed that putting on even just a few pounds start to make me look older, mainly because of the double chin that seems to suddenly appear in certain facial positions (Gosh do pictures taken spontaneously seem to come out worse every year as we get older!!).

Kastanie

Scraped back hair can definitely be ageing (unless you're going for the Croydon facelift?? ) I wear mine like that all the time at home for ease but I'd never go out like it, even to the shops. There's too much "big face" going on. You can only really get away with pulled back hair if you've got good bone structure. Those messy topknots young women wear make me look like a crazy witch! You need to frame your face with a bit of hair as you get older.

In a funny way, I think that guy from your past who told your daughter "your mum used to look like that" was trying to pay a compliment even though it was badly expressed! Seems like he was saying 'good looks clearly run in the family, your mum was hawwwt!' But because you're on a bit of a downer about yourself and had had other age-related comments, it hurt you rather than complimenting you. Anyway I bet he was no oil painting! Blokes don't always age well and at least women have make up at their disposal!

As for the dentist making that comment, well once would be OK but THREE times is highly unprofessional IMO for someone working in healthcare.

If you want to stay low-maintenance during the day, I suggest getting your eyelashes tinted, slapping on some tinted moisturiser/BB cream with SPF when you go out (takes 10 seconds) and a bit of tinted lip balm or even subtle lipstick. Defined eyes and lips make a face look younger and less washed out.

Swap your T shirts for tunics and you're good to go. And hug that lovely husband and daughter of yours!

barbiedoll

Absolutely agree with the poster who suggested getting fitted for a good bra. Droopy puppies are very ageing and you find your shoulders drooping as well, it makes anyone look older!

Keep the light hair colour, dark hair can be a bit harsh when you're more *mature*, a bit of blusher and lippy can work wonders though.

Don't fret too much about the remarks, my son always classes me (49), my mum (79) and my aunt (94) as a bunch of "old ladies", my mum gets the right hump about that! :rotfl:
Women are either babes or elderly, there's no halfway stage it seems. Unlike men who are "silver foxes", "mature" or "getting better with age"....aaarrrgghhhh!!!!

If you need to exercise, try swimming (classes if you can't swim?). There are loads of women-only sessions available so you don't have to worry about looking a fright in your cossie, we're all in the same boat so to speak! If you don't fancy that, make sure you have a brisk walk or a session on an exercise bike every day, there's nothing like a post-exercise glow to take the years away.