Feeling really down about something fairly trivial. WARNING LONG WHINEY RANT!

YORKSHIRELASS

Hi

I think a lot of us can sympathise. I am approaching my mid-forties and my face is really starting to look its age. I have spent a fortune on expensive face creams but at the end of the day its all about genetics and there is not a lot I can do about it.

What I can change is my hair, clothes, make up, shoes and accessories. These are the things I can change fairly easily and cheaply and these are things that people notice first about you too.

Sounds like you are feeling better already, just dont be afraid to experiment a bit. Try a different hair colour and a few new clothes. Dont get too hung up on your weight though, unless it bothers you. I have a friend who is a bit on the bigger side and she always looks lovely. She wears nice jeans and pretty tops and always has her hair and make up done nicely. I often think she looks better than me and I am a size 10!

Good luck with it all. As someone else said getting older is pants!

missbiggles1

Flossie. wrote: »

I am a regular user, but feel so embarrassed at this.

So I made up a new name.

Talk about first world problems!

I am 48 years old, and am married with a 17 year old daughter.

Up to about 44/45 y.o. I was frequently told I looked much younger than I am, like when I had a party for my 40th and handed out invites to neighbours, they were shocked as they thought I was 28/29! In my very early 30s, I was mistaken for 23-25 y.o.

Then as I passed the 44/45 stage, I noticed people stopped saying I look young for my age.

Well this past 6-12 months, I have had three or four occasions where new people I meet have thought I am over 50. And one woman who just met me through an acquaintance invited me to the over 55s women's group in town! :eek:

Then today, I went to ask how much haircuts are (at a new hairdressers,) and they said "it's usually £15, but Wednesdays are half price for over 60s; I have a slot free in fifteen minutes if you want to wait......" :eek::(:shocked:

!!!!!!, I always looked 8 to 10 years younger than my age. Even at 43/44, I looked more like 36, and now 5 years later apparently I look 55 to 60!

I don't want to post my actual picture in case someone google searches it and sees my real identity, but I have mousy blonde hair (highlighted blonde,) my hair is greying a bit at the temples (not much!) I am 14 stone and 5 ft 4, (size 18,) I wear my hair in a ponytail a lot, and at the back of my head with a large clip, because I get hot easily, and it's easier to manage. I wear leggings and t-shirts a lot and baggy shirts (I know: typical fat person's attire. ) I have had a similar look for about 10 years though (including being fat. I have been 14 to 15 stone for about 10 years.) So why do I suddenly look old now?!

I am wishing people would think before they speak. Another bugbear for me is.........

I love my daughter dearly, and she is slim and beautiful, and none of this is her fault, but I get sick of people comparing me to her. She is 17, I am 48!

Just lately, we have bumped into people I have known from years back, and one man who knew me when I was a teen (and I was slim and young and blonde,) pointed to my daughter and said 'oooh she's a nice looking lass' and I am pleased when people say this. But then he followed it with 'your mom used to be like that many years ago: she used to be pretty and slim like you' like I am ugly and fat now!

And then some other guy said in the doctors the other day, 'you've got a lovely figure' to her, and said 'don't take after your mom then!' and laughed.

Also our dentist, has said THREE times now, that my daughter's teeth are perfect, 'not like your mother's!' I am almost 50 FGS, of COURSE my teeth aren't like hers. Her teeth ARE perfect yes, but mine are all right for nearly 50.

And even my neighbour up the road said the other week, that 'Lucy's a lovely looking lass isn't she?' And I said 'thank you: I think so,' and smiled, and she followed it with 'don't you wish you still looked like that?'

I am overweight, and am ageing yes, but I am sick of being compared to my daughter who is 31 years younger than me, and is of COURSE going to have smoother skin, better hair, whiter teeth, and a slimmer, firmer figure.

Then someone else looked at my wedding photo from 1989 the other week, and said 'weren't you young and pretty and slim then?' Well yes, it was 25 years ago, and I was 23! And basically, they may as well say that I'm old and ugly and fat now! :mad:

I'm sorry for the rant. I am only 48, not 100, and I do have feelings. Yet I am being made to feel like an ugly fat old pig.

Any kind words anyone? Anyone experienced the same? Any idea why I look a generation older than I did 5 years ago?! I am not ugly, and was classed as pretty when i was younger (in my teens and 20s and 30s.......) I am told I have nice eyes and a nice smile. And my face is not 'jowly' at all and I don't have many wrinkles (hardly any actually!)

Sorry. I know people have worse issues. But I tell you what, I am beginning to get a real complex now. It's not a one-off thing. People have thought I am 6 to 12 years older about half a dozen times this past 6-12 months, and I have had at least 3 or 4 comments comparing me to my daughter. My hubby tells me to take no notice and that I look gorgeous! (BLEH! He WOULD say that!)

Thank you for reading if you got this far..............

Isn't that the only thing that actually matters?

trailingspouse

Sympathy vibes coming from over here too.


I'm 53, and have always looked younger than I really am - but these days I have to work harder at it!! I wonder if you have perhaps stuck with a style that suited you when you were younger (and was trendy at the time) but as the years have gone on it no longer suits you and the look itself has become dated?

Whilst not condoning the rude people out there, maybe this is the wake-up call you need? Re-assess your hair, your make-up, your clothes (look at what other people your age are wearing and pick the best ideas!) and come out fighting!!

Gloomendoom

Reading this thread has made me realise how lucky I was to be born with a willy.

jaylee3

Flossie. wrote: »

My hubby tells me to take no notice and that I look gorgeous! (BLEH! He WOULD say that!)

.....

missbiggles1 wrote: »

Isn't that the only thing that actually matters?

Why would you say that? Why is what the husband thinks the 'only thing that matters?'

Are the OP's opinions not valid? Is she not entitled to feel down about herself? If her husband thinks she looks OK, even though she really thinks badly of herself now, is she supposed to do nothing about it because her husband thinks she looks OK?

If she looks 10 years older sometimes, seemingly because of the dowdy and frumpy way she presents herself, and she feels uncomfortable at 14 stone etc, and it's making her not want to dress as nice as she would like to, why should she not care about it or want to do something about it, just because her husband thinks she looks fine?

I love my husband, of course I do, but at the end of the day, when it comes to my personal development; I do what I want for me. I stay slim for me, I dress for me, and work hard in my career for me; not for him. Sure, I take his opinions and feelings into account at times, depending on the circumstances. But when it comes to me, I have to be happy with myself, and quite honestly, as long as it doesn't affect him, I will go and do what *I* am comfortable and happy with, no matter what he says or thinks.

No offence intended towards the OP, but what you should ask your husband, (when he says you look great,) is 'if we split up, and you were on the hunt for a new woman; would you be interested in someone who looks like I do right now?'

I wonder what answer most men would give about their wives after 20 plus years together? Especially if they have gained quite a bit of weight.

Like I said, no offence; just playing devil's advocate.

justjohn

jaylee3 wrote: »

No offence intended towards the OP, but what you should ask your husband, (when he says you look great,) is 'if we split up, and you were on the hunt for a new woman; would you be interested in someone who looks like I do right now?'

I wonder what answer most men would give about their wives after 20 plus years together? Especially if they have gained quite a bit of weight.

Good question ...........lol

jetplane

jaylee3 wrote: »

No offence intended towards the OP, but what you should ask your husband, (when he says you look great,) is 'if we split up, and you were on the hunt for a new woman; would you be interested in someone who looks like I do right now?'

I wonder what answer most men would give about their wives after 20 plus years together? Especially if they have gained quite a bit of weight.

Like I said, no offence; just playing devil's advocate.

If I asked my husband that of course he would say yes :rotfl: I wonder what most wives would say if their husband asked if they would be interested in someone who looks like he does right now? :eek:

By the time flossie is finished with this thread her husband will be on here saying my wife has took a renewed interest in herself she is looking great do you think she is having an affair?

justjohn

To the OP


Your getting older it happens. Women are often techy about age.


Comments change over time.
I don't need reminded I am going bald or that I am putting on a little weight, but it is my age.
People can make themselves look a little better and its nice to get nice comments. But people often do not make these bad/rhetorical comments to be nasty.

jaylee3

justjohn wrote: »

Good question ...........lol

Thanks...

Makes you wonder though eh?

I remember seeing this woman interviewed on tv about 10-12 years ago, and she ran a 'romance' agency that people could join to meet a new partner. She said there were about 100,000 members on the books at the time, and about 65,000 were men.

She went on to say that in the box that asked "what size/build of woman would you like" - about 88% of men put slim or athletic or curvy. Even though in some cases, their (ex) wife was actually quite large. Hardly any said they would consider a large woman, and only about 6 % put that they will consider 'slightly overweight.'

I think that many men still love their wives, and are still attracted to them, even when they get bigger, but at the end of the day, if they were on the hunt for a new woman, very few of them would actively seek an overweight/fat woman.

jaylee3

jetplane wrote: »

If I asked my husband that of course he would say yes :rotfl: I wonder what most wives would say if their husband asked if they would be interested in someone who looks like he does right now? :eek:

By the time flossie is finished with this thread her husband will be on here saying my wife has took a renewed interest in herself she is looking great do you think she is having an affair?

Oh dear. :rotfl: I do hope not!!!

Seriously though, yes you make a good point - about about how many WOMEN would go for the man they have now, if they were looking for a new man?

I asked a few friends at work (about 10 of them, 4 divorced, 1 single, 5 married,) this kind of question some months back, when a similar subject came up, and most of them said that they would be fine with a man that looks like their husband does now. (ex husband in the case of the divorced women.)

But they would be actively seeking someone who is solvent, who has his own house, and can look after them, (and their kids!) Basically, if they were on the hunt for a new man, they would want a man with more money and a better career than their husband has, (or their ex-husband had,) so they don't have to fret about money. Only 2 of the women didn't care how much he earned... they were 2 of the married women.

So it seems that many men seek looks on a woman, and many women seek security and a man with a fat bank balance.

Not shocked are ya?! :rotfl:

And also, while men do like a nice looking and sexy lady, women like a man who is kind and sweet and funny,

How does that old saying go? "Men are attracted to what they see, women are attracted to what they hear."