Feeling really down about something fairly trivial. WARNING LONG WHINEY RANT!

justjohn

All I can say is I have never seen anyone trading in there car for the same millage/model....ouch

Flossie.

I get what you're saying Jaylee, and I'm not offended, and I know you have a point. And to be honest, if I was a man on the hunt for a new woman, I wouldn't look twice at me; a 5 ft 4 inch fat woman who looks her age (nearly 50,) and sometimes older than that!

I understand that many men will be looking for a slim, attractive, athletic woman who looks like Halle Berry or Sandra Bullock or some such gorgeous young-looking Hollywood Star, like many women will be looking for Brad Pitt or George Clooney LOL, a dishy man who is loaded.

But in reality, you are more than likely NOT going to get any of the above.

And if a man does go for a slim and athletic and sporty and maybe younger woman, how long is she going to stay like that? What happens if she becomes chubby and slovenly after 5 years? Will you leave her and look for someone fit and slim?

And for the woman; what if you marry a man because he is well-off and has a nice bank balance and a good job, and then he loses it all; are you going to dump him and find another well-off man?

I understand that to an extent, men go for looks, and women go for someone solvent, but if this is your top priority for a potential partner, then you are heading down a rocky road which can - and probably will - lead to misery. Because what if your new partner loses those looks or that money that you went for? What then?

I do agree though, that even though my husband says I look 'great,' I do wonder if he would find a woman who looks like me attractive, if he was on the look out for a new woman, and if he would go for a woman who is 4-5 stone overweight?

Who knows? But I know he loves me anyway. And he is fine with me chubby OR slim. I am going to get slimmer and look better for me though, not necessarily for him.

So as much as I love my husband, I do agree with you, that I shouldn't settle for how I look, purely because he says I look OK, and even though his opinion means something to me, the fact that he thinks I look great, isn't going to make me do nothing and stay as I am, if I am not happy with how I am.

Brighton_belle

Flossie. wrote: »

And to be honest, if I was a man on the hunt for a new woman, I wouldn't look twice at me; a 5 ft 4 inch fat woman who looks her age (nearly 50,) and sometimes older than that!

Wooooo, stop stop stop right there!


You're husband would very likely choose you as the warm kind supportive woman you are, and fun to be with. There might be many men who may fantasise about being with some fit athletic women 20 yrs their junior (and women have their own fantasies) but in reality, want warm loving kind companions. Men have self doubts and insecurities too.


Along side the suggestions for sprucing yourself up a bit (nothing to drastic or effort inducing) do spend time every morning on positive affirmations on what a wonderful woman you are and a total catch - that's an order


As for the dating site data - it doesn't show how many of these men ended up just very lonely. Or ultimately very happy with someone quite different from a ticked box on a piece of paper.

Flossie.

Brighton_belle wrote: »

Wooooo, stop stop stop right there!

You're husband would very likely choose you as the warm kind supportive woman you are, and fun to be with. There might be many men who may fantasise about being with some fit athletic women 20 yrs their junior (and women have their own fantasies) but in reality, want warm loving kind companions. Men have self doubts and insecurities too.

Along side the suggestions for sprucing yourself up a bit (nothing to drastic or effort inducing) do spend time every morning on positive affirmations on what a wonderful woman you are and a total catch - that's an order

As for the dating site data - it doesn't show how many of these men ended up just very lonely. Or ultimately very happy with someone quite different from a ticked box on a piece of paper.

Re the bolded comment..........

And as for the rest;

:T:T Very good post and some very good points.

Many men want some gorgeous fit woman, and many women want someone gorgeous and rich LOL - in their dreams, but like I said, in reality, it's quite different, as there are very few people like their supposed 'ideal catch!'

And I wonder also how many of those men got the 'ideal' woman they had in their head? LOL.

FBaby

And if a man does go for a slim and athletic and sporty and maybe younger woman, how long is she going to stay like that? What happens if she becomes chubby and slovenly after 5 years? Will you leave her and look for someone fit and slim?

You will have the fat lazy men looking for an athletic and sporty girl and be unlikely to get one, then you have the athletic and sporty man who will do. I do think that it is much more than just about looks though but the whole lifestyle that comes with it. Both my husband and I are sporty and believe in healthy lifestyle and have done so all our lives, so the chance of suddenly gaining a lot of weight is unlikely, but even if we did, I think it would matter a lot to both of us to do something about it. Unless a medical condition means that we can't in any way lose weight, I think it would always be an incentive to lose some weight.

It is not the look in itself that would become a potential problem, but a sudden different vision in our lifestyle of choice that would mean having to re-evaluate compromises.

Brighton_belle

Flossie. wrote: »

Re the bolded comment..........

Yes, it's so much easier to put ourselves down isn't it
I don't mean it's not a good thing to keep working at making the best of ourselves (in a non obsessive way) Objective assessment that we may need to lose weight, get a hair cut etc can be very positive. But there's a difference between that and putting ourselves down.

Flossie.

Thanks to Fbaby AND Brighton Belle. Both good posts and good points too.

Gloomendoom

Flossie. wrote: »

Many men want some gorgeous fit woman, and many women want someone gorgeous and rich LOL - in their dreams, but like I said, in reality, it's quite different, as there are very few people like their supposed 'ideal catch!'

I can't speak for my wife but I managed to get my "ideal catch"... a slim, fit, curly haired blonde with more than a passing interest in Land Rovers.

We agreed a mutual non-chubbiness pact years ago and it works for us..

maman

I think all the talk of what you'd look for in a new partner is just fantasy, a bit like what you'd do if you won the lottery!


In RL, I think people would be far more sensible.


We have two grown up DDs and DH has been highly amused when one of them has been taken for his wife in shops etc. There's a hint of flattery there but he always says that he just couldn't imagine himself with someone who didn't share his history (like lived through the same music, politics etc) or of the same maturity. I know people do it but it's not for him.


I have to agree completely with jaylee though. When I turned myself round from being a baggy bag lady I did it for me. Compliments from my DH are a bonus but not my reason for making the best of myself.

alias*alibi

Flossie; do you drink water? I don't drink nowhere near enough that I should but I know when I do and exercise a bit more then it makes a huge difference to how I look. As the age old saying goes, water it the fountain of youth, it does make such a big difference to complexions as it plumps out the fine lines and makes your skin glow.

In fact this thread has reignited my lust for looking fab in my forties so as of tomorrow I'm drinking more water and going to exercise more; make sure i take off my makeup fully before bed and moisturise my face morning and night. I'll let you know if I see any improvement in a months time (when I'm off to Cornwall so have a goal to work towards).