my husband doesnt find me attractive

justme111

BrassicWoman wrote: »

You seem to have a problem with me simply believing what I do.

Please stop it. It's not a shallow or new position for me.

Excuse me ? I am discussing life matters with you /commenting on your opinion in the context of original post. How does it make me having a problem with you . If you happy with your position how me talking about your advice to op affects you.
As someone's signature says people are free to believe in pink fluffy unicorns ...

Tenyearstogo

I'm probably going to get shot down in flames but if my husband had put on three stone and let himself go I probably wouldn't find him as attractive.

I was once heavier than when I met my husband, I felt down about it and didn't make as much effort so lost confidence.

As a loving couple I think we owe it to each other to continue to make an effort in our appearances. When we were first going out I always wore best clothes and did my hair and make up because I wanted to impress him and feel special. 12 years on, I still want to do that. I want him to do the same.

The think that issue with the OP is about how it was said, not what was said. I'm 5ft 4 and used to be 8 stone and a size 6, I put on 3 stone and went up to a size 16. That's not insignificant. I know I wasn't as attractive as a size 16 as a size 6 ((although I was too thin as a size 6). I didn't like how I looked as a 16 so why should my husband? I know he still loved me.

Vicky123

I think the fact he told her he didn't find her attractive any more is an indicator that he doesn't love her. It may be he's a bit dim but most people would know a comment like that would be hurtful and if you love someone you wouldn't want to hurt them. If it was said to me I would be inclined to think it was very deliberately meant to hurt, having said that I am influenced by my own life experiences and making excuses for bad behaviour isn't on the agenda any more, commernts like "I don't find you attractive any more" don't just slip out.

Mr_Toad

Just read through this thread and the phrase damned if you do and damned if you don't springs to mind.

How many he/she just upped and left, if only he/she had said something threads have there been?

GwylimT

If I were to put on three stone my wife would most definitely tell me it was unattractive, unhealthy and expect me to lose at least some of it, and I would be the same with her. Yes, you change as you get older, but we don't personally believe becoming overweight and risking your health is one of those things, so we would definitely keep each other in check on those issues.

It may not be weight he has an issue with, if you're hiding yourself away and not showing your usual confidence that may be the issue, if you don't find yourself attractive it is likely your partner may sometimes struggle to as well.

Morglin

People should do what makes them feel good about themselves, not what makes others happy partner or not.

Everyone deteriorates a bit as they get older - because you cannot hold back time. Wrinkles, grey hair, balding, middle age spread, saggy bits, floppy bits, on it goes lol:eek:

But, from experience and age, it shouldn't matter a bit -DH is the only bit of cuddle I want, and he feels the same.

Lose weight if it will make you happy.

And, be honest with him - point out the bits of him you you find a turn off lol

Kin

balletshoes

GwylimT wrote: »

If I were to put on three stone my wife would most definitely tell me it was unattractive, unhealthy and expect me to lose at least some of it, and I would be the same with her. Yes, you change as you get older, but we don't personally believe becoming overweight and risking your health is one of those things, so we would definitely keep each other in check on those issues.

It may not be weight he has an issue with, if you're hiding yourself away and not showing your usual confidence that may be the issue, if you don't find yourself attractive it is likely your partner may sometimes struggle to as well.

I think thats a very good point.

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

I think a lot of people here are confusing love and physical attraction. Of course you can love someone deeply and as much as you ever have, but have lost the attraction. The two are not exclusive.

When I first met my DH, the very first night, I admit I was not at all attracted to him. I don't really have a physical type, but what ever it was he wasn't it! The second time meeting him confirmed I wasn't really physically attracted to him but that he was really a very interesting and intelligent and kind person, fun to spend time with.

Looking at him now I logically see that he is different to other men I was attracted to, but he is beautiful to me. Perfection. Ok, he's improved with age anyway, but also, love has, I think a kind of attraction of its own.

Luckily, he feels the same about me, and health has severely blighted my appearance.


Couples face all kinds of knocks on appearance, whether its normal aging , wrinkles, receding hair, more hair where it wasn't , bits drooping that didn't. Or inflicted damage, scars, burns, amputations, from accidents, attacks, health. Most don't find these something they seek ( admittedly some do) but many, many , many get past them and I think that its because love brings a sexual attraction of its own.

I couldn't be more sexually attracted to my husband he looked like the stereotypical 'best looking man in the world' because he looks like him. I could feel better about my SELF if I looked better.....but a better me, not a better bland image of perfection.

dandelionclock30

Also not all weight gain is due to eating too much/wrong things and inactivity, people can gain weight due to medication, and endocrine problems like an underactive thyroid etc.
OP might have an underlying issue she hasnt disclosed or even knows about. Thats another reason why its best to be supportive instead of blunt and hurtfull.

victory

GwylimT wrote: »

It may not be weight he has an issue with, if you're hiding yourself away and not showing your usual confidence that may be the issue, if you don't find yourself attractive it is likely your partner may sometimes struggle to as well.

I have to agree with this. Men are very visual and if you used to have confidence about your body and walked around naked, was happy in the bedroom and now the weight gain has made you cover yourself up and not want to have any sex or initiate it then becomes about the weight but much more, it affects you both and from there lack of intimacy it spreads out to the rest of the relationship..