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my husband doesnt find me attractive
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dandelionclock30 wrote: »And hes Adonis I suppose.
I wouldnt find anyone attractive ever again if they said this to me. Theres ways of speaking to loved ones if you are concerned about their appearance. Theres no excuses for being cruel and hurtfull.
OP do what you need to do to make yourself feel better, get yourself out there and find a man who has a more attractive personality than this one.
He could have been helping you out with making you salads, going with you to the gym for walks all sorts but no he just comes out with this. How nice.dandelionclock30 wrote: »I'd be thinking seriously about getting rid of him even if it was very difficult.Nobody woman or man needs to have their confidence shatterred and be put down like this.
A person can lose weight but it harder to regain respect for someone when they have been nasty and that was nasty.
You've obviously been quite badly damaged yourself, but it's not fair to give such damning advice because you're embittered about your own past experiences....We’ve had to remove your signature. Please check the Forum Rules if you’re unsure why it’s been removed and, if still unsure, email forumteam@moneysavingexpert.com0 -
Folk , I think we all agreeing actually , we just making emphasis on different aspects. As said before , depending on the context , exact wording , body language , tone etc those words could been from downright abusive to being a good indicator that they will cime through these times because he trusts her strength in taking that comment.
Brassicwoman , if following your philosophy we all would give our children for adoption and would not be able to sustain anyy relationship past courting period.The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
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BrassicWoman wrote: »I think that's untrue, but it's fine for us to disagree.
Why untrue ? I can not imagine how someone can make another happy always. Do you think it is possible ?The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
Why untrue ? I can not imagine how someone can make another happy always. Do you think it is possible ?
Because you ask, I will explain my position, but I am not trying to win you over to my way of thinking. You will think as you find true for you.
I used the word joy, and not the word always. Please only debate with me on the words I actually use; not he ones you think I used.
On balance, joy, yes. This can be in the small, everyday cups of tea and smiles, as well as the grand gestures. Joy can be with us every day.
But trust leaves on a galloping horse, and "I find you unattractive" destroys the trust we have to care for each other always.
I would be unable to feel joy at being with that person; the love has become conditional. The joy leaves.
Therefore I would leave. Being alone, or with another joyous soul, is preferable to me. Perhaps not to you.2021 GC £1365.71/ £24000 -
I see. For you the implication is that "I don't find you attractive" destroys joy and trust. It does not have to be that way. In most of cases not finding your partner attractive is temporary. When I was sick after too much wine I doubt my partnr found me attractive for example. Or people may find joy in things other run sexual attraction.
So if you did not use always it implies that your stance is not always as rigid and here we are in a grey area - how much joy is still good and how little of it is not good . Does mean your statement is not as absolute as it sounded .The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
Joy is a subjective feelung that comes from within. Too often we try to get it from people surrounding us . We change them in a quest for joy while more successful thing would be to change our perception/us. I doubt op bringsuch joy to her husband , should he just ditch her ? Or may be try and see how they can work through it.. long term marriages come through ups and downs and while I would agree that many of them have joyless cohabiting there are couples who reinvent themselves and I admire those. My friend was asking.me.about divorce lawyers - her husband did not fancy her , she was overwhelmed with children , overweight , he was overworked, sexless for a year. A year later I see her still in marriage , she is blooming happy radiant , lost some.weight and although not in ideal weight she feels attractive and he finds her so as well I am sure. They faced the abyss of separation , realised how much they meant for each other , each of them made adjustments in.their behaviour and I feel they are stronger for coming through it as they.know it can be done next time they hit a rough patch.The word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0 -
Apologies but I've not read every post.
I identified immediately with the 3 stone weight increase. I've been there.:o
My DH didn't need to tell me I didn't like myself. So I did something about it, lost the weight and now feel 100% better in loads of ways: self-esteem, health, vanity etc.
But I did it for me. What worries me about the OP's post is that she could lose the weight and he's still be 'unsure' about his feelings for her.
OP, I'd sort yourself out for you and when you're feeling good about yourself decide how you feel about him!0 -
trollopscarletwoman wrote: »OP
He loves you.
But doesn't find you attractive.
I'm curious as to how that works.
It's easy how that works, as others have said, there is no point pretending.
We don't know how the topic came to light, perhaps it was without malice.0 -
By the way we all clung to overweight issue. It may well have nothing to do with the reasons he finds her unattractiveThe word "dilemma" comes from Greek where "di" means two and "lemma" means premise. Refers usually to difficult choice between two undesirable options.
Often people seem to use this word mistakenly where "quandary" would fit better.0
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