my husband doesnt find me attractive

balletshoes

BrassicWoman wrote: »

He can feel how he feels; but feeling attractive about yourself comes from within. So there is no "right".

Everyone should only be with people who bring them joy. That's not what is happening here!

thats not real life though, thats a fairy tale.

Carl31

BrassicWoman wrote: »

Everyone should only be with people who bring them joy. That's not what is happening here!

You Could be talking about the op or her partner with that comment

Person_one

Carl31 wrote: »

As sad as it sounds, when you meet someone, and fall in love with them, that's due to the way they are at that time, looks, personality, attitude etc..

If over time they change, then surely it should be expected that if they change, the way they are viewed could change too?

It goes for both partners, I'm not defending the bloke here. But it's well known that men are driven by looks, and women by security. If those factors are removed from a relationship then it's possible things could change is it not?

That wasn't the general message of the wedding vows the last time I heard them…

People's appearance can change for a thousand different reasons, if your love for your partner is conditional on the way they look then you should do them a favour and leave before they start to trust you and think that they can count on you through the tough times as well as the good.

lika_86

ILoveEoin wrote: »

My hubby broke the news that he still loves me but doesn't find me attractive. What do I do? am so angry but I can see his point?!?

The good news is that he still loves you and feels able to be honest with you. So often we see stories on here of women whose men have gone off and had an affair without being honest and by then it's too late.

You admit that your husband has a point, albeit a blunt one. What spurred on the conversation? Presumably he didn't just come out with it? Most times these sort of conversations happen after someone is badgered to tell someone what's 'wrong'.

It's easy to put on weight if you've fallen into a comfortable relationship and not really noticed a gradual gain. He's been honest with you, now you need to be honest with how he's made you feel and where you go from here.

houseimprover

BrassicWoman wrote: »

He can feel how he feels; but feeling attractive about yourself comes from within. So there is no "right".

Everyone should only be with people who bring them joy. That's not what is happening here!

Oh come on.....come down from your ivory tower now please.

trollopscarletwoman

OP

He loves you.

But doesn't find you attractive.

I'm curious as to how that works.

Hermia

Person_one wrote: »

That wasn't the general message of the wedding vows the last time I heard them…

People's appearance can change for a thousand different reasons, if your love for your partner is conditional on the way they look then you should do them a favour and leave before they start to trust you and think that they can count on you through the tough times as eel as the good.

I do agree with that, but you do need to find your partner attractive. I definitely feel I would be a little less enthusiastic in the bed department if I found my partner unattractive. And there is a big difference between a partner of many years putting on weight through illness and a young partner letting themselves go. I personally love smart, well-groomed guys and I wouldn't expect a guy to never look scruffy etc. But I would be a bit put out if Mr Smart swapped his suits for a trackies and stubble the moment the relationship settled down!

dandelionclock30

And hes Adonis I suppose.
I wouldnt find anyone attractive ever again if they said this to me. Theres ways of speaking to loved ones if you are concerned about their appearance. Theres no excuses for being cruel and hurtfull.
OP do what you need to do to make yourself feel better, get yourself out there and find a man who has a more attractive personality than this one.
He could have been helping you out with making you salads, going with you to the gym for walks all sorts but no he just comes out with this. How nice.

Person_one

Hermia wrote: »

I do agree with that, but you do need to find your partner attractive. I definitely feel I would be a little less enthusiastic in the bed department if I found my partner unattractive. And there is a big difference between a partner of many years putting on weight through illness and a young partner letting themselves go. I personally love smart, well-groomed guys and I wouldn't expect a guy to never look scruffy etc. But I would be a bit put out if Mr Smart swapped his suits for a trackies and stubble the moment the relationship settled down!

When you really truly love someone, in a way you stop noticing what they look like, don't you? They look like the person you love. None of us stay young and beautiful forever so if you can't see yourself loving that person if they become overweight, wheelchair bound, bald, an amputee or any other physical change, do you really actually love them as much as you think they do?

I can understand concern for a partner who has put on weight and seems generally less happy, but that should be concern for their health and wellbeing not selfish concern that you aren't getting your end away with a hot young thing anymore.

Confusedandneedhelp

He hasn't said the op isn't attractive, but he's saying HE finds the op not attractive.

That could well be more than physical appearance. 10 years, u may just need to reignite the spark.

Sure if u feel like u could lose weight, do so. U'll feel better and your oh will notice. Spend some time with eachother in a romantic setting. Experiment.

This is far from in fixable, bit of effort into a marriage as opposed to the 'he said something u don't like, leave him' brigade.