my husband doesnt find me attractive

double_mummy

is this part of a pattern of controlling behavior?

the most attractive thing about a woman is her confidence and tbh you sound like you've lost it

74jax

Are you happy with yourself, if so then this could cause problems. Or are unhappy with yourself too, in which case it's totally fixable.

maggy50

OK ask yourself do I think he is being a tad bit insensitive.?

Would you grade him as being beyond critism ?

Any break up is very hurtful , I hope you find a solution x

ILoveEoin

We been together nearly 10years and I have put on bout 3stone but I am short so it shows a lot on my waist. I have spent past few days crying, beating myself up and staring at myself in mirror. Yes I have to work on myself esp my weight but I am so bloody angry at way he said it and angry at myself for letting myself get to this mess:( feeling very lost atm

purpleshoes_2

ILoveEoin wrote: »

We been together nearly 10years and I have put on bout 3stone but I am short so it shows a lot on my waist. I have spent past few days crying, beating myself up and staring at myself in mirror. Yes I have to work on myself esp my weight but I am so bloody angry at way he said it and angry at myself for letting myself get to this mess:( feeling very lost atm

Ok. Its fine to be angry. But you can do something about it.

I speak from experience. I was over 3 stones heavier than I am right now a year ago. Sometimes you get so stuck you think you cant change things, but you can.

I can see it from both sides, everyone has the right to be the weight they choose to be, but if you arent happy at 3 stones heavier than you were, its time to do something about it.

Its ok saying love someone the way they are, but if he isnt happy, you clearly arent happy, making the changes would benefit both of you.

But especially you, its your health thats important as well.

Hermia

ILoveEoin wrote: »

We been together nearly 10years and I have put on bout 3stone but I am short so it shows a lot on my waist. I have spent past few days crying, beating myself up and staring at myself in mirror. Yes I have to work on myself esp my weight but I am so bloody angry at way he said it and angry at myself for letting myself get to this mess:( feeling very lost atm

Do you think the way he said it was down to him being hurtful or him not being good with words? If the latter I would tell him what you have said here. If you do want to lose weight for yourself too ask him to help you. Would he be willing to take up an active hobby with you?!

Tigsteroonie

Hermia wrote: »

Do you think the way he said it was down to him being hurtful or him not being good with words? If the latter I would tell him what you have said here. If you do want to lose weight for yourself too ask him to help you. Would he be willing to take up an active hobby with you?!

Good response. We don't really know the context in which it was said.

krustylouise

I have been in the exact situation you are now. I'm really sorry. It hurts...ALOT. I tried to tidy myself up but with extremely low self esteem and confidence I found this difficult. I got depressed and couldn't leave the house. This only added to his reasons for not finding me "sexually attractive".

I bit the bullet, got a part time job (I had given up my career to bring up our very young child) slowly but surely gained confidence. I saw that he was controlling, manipulative, a liar, spineless, hurtful. Not the man I used to find attractive! (I'm not saying this is the case with you, only you know the ins and outs of your relationship and how he treats you).

I asked him to move out as we both needed space. I continued to work on my confidence, concentrate on being the best mother I could to our DD and started to feel happy again.

I realised I didn't love him, I realised that all this time it was him bringing me down, making me complacent, I was just far too wrapped up to see it at the time.

About 3months after we split up he decided he wanted me back, he BEGGED me, promised me everything under the sun. This only clarified for me how he had said those things to hurt me, to put me down and made me see him for what he really was.

6 years on I'm 4 stone lighter (not through dieting or exercising) I'm due to get married to a wonderful man in 3 months, my DD is thriving, I feel better about myself and finally feel confident. And my ex? Failed relationship after failed relationship because he can't find anyone who loved him like I did!

I'm not saying this is what's happening to you, but I wanted to reassure you that things have a way of working themselves out. Yes it hurts a lot right now, you'll feel angry, ashamed, embarrassed. But you will get through it, it will make you stronger and braver.

x

Carl31

As sad as it sounds, when you meet someone, and fall in love with them, that's due to the way they are at that time, looks, personality, attitude etc..

If over time they change, then surely it should be expected that if they change, the way they are viewed could change too?

It goes for both partners, I'm not defending the bloke here. But it's well known that men are driven by looks, and women by security. If those factors are removed from a relationship then it's possible things could change is it not?

BrassicWoman

houseimprover wrote: »

On what logic? The OP has admitted the husband is right, should he not say anything at all?

He can feel how he feels; but feeling attractive about yourself comes from within. So there is no "right".

Everyone should only be with people who bring them joy. That's not what is happening here!