my husband doesnt find me attractive

FBaby

Not always in the things that people find attractive though...the other things I mentioned, aging, accidents, injuries

Indeed, and it's how Judi said it so well, it might be that some aspect of me wouldn't be as attractive but others would remain. Added to the fact that attraction is not just about phyiscal appearance, these alone might not kill attraction all together. And even if it did, when there is nothing I could do about it, hopefully would mean that compromises would need to be made whilst our love for each other would keep us going happily together.

FBaby

justme111 wrote: »

I do not.think it is about the age. I see people in their 60s or 70s that I would consider attractive and people that I would not. We judge attractiveness in the.context of age of course but we still judge it.

What I meant is the importance we assign to it in judging one's happiness within a couple. I think being physically attracted is quite important when you are in your 20s/30s, probably less important when you are 70s. Then again, it might not be about age but about the stage within your relationship, so if you meet at 16, it might not matter so much any longer in your 30s, whereas if you meet in your 70s, it might be all very important indeed!

justme111

lostinrates wrote: »

Fine often with things like weight ( not always but very much usually fine). It would be unfortunate were either of you in the unfortunate tiny minority who suffered difficulty in this area beyond their control.

Not always in the things that people find attractive though...the other things I mentioned, aging, accidents, injuries. Someone in my family, for example, has had extensive skin grafts and reconstruction. It could turn a partner off I suppose. Partners involved in accidents suffering disabling injury.....marriages option survive, with love and attraction. Often frustration, I don't deny that.

I don't think a partner would perceive deformity due to accident in the same way as usual ageing signs or "letting oneself go " signs . I definitely would be put off by the latter , I don't think I would by the former.

lostinrates

justme111 wrote: »

I don't think a partner would perceive deformity due to accident in the same way as usual ageing signs or "letting oneself go " signs . I definitely would be put off by the latter , I don't think I would by the former.

What about things like depression. Once it would have been confused with ' letting your self go' and ' not having enough to do' and still I think is often confused with that. But now its increasingly seen as a mental health issue many of us can suffer from short term.

lostinrates

justme111 wrote: »

I do not.think it is about the age. I see people in their 60s or 70s that I would consider attractive and people that I would not. We judge attractiveness in the.context of age of course but we still judge it.

I know people who have married later than that, and one of the giggliest, most tactile couples I know are both well in their seventies with adult children).

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

What I meant is the importance we assign to it in judging one's happiness within a couple. I think being physically attracted is quite important when you are in your 20s/30s, probably less important when you are 70s. Then again, it might not be about age but about the stage within your relationship, so if you meet at 16, it might not matter so much any longer in your 30s, whereas if you meet in your 70s, it might be all very important indeed!

I met DH when we were in our twenties. I think I had been previously rather physically lead, he was very different in personality type from previous partners , as well in physical type. Maybe I just grew up:o

System

Sounds heavenly:rotfl::rotfl::D

It is. :D:D

My personal opinion is that once a woman reaches a certain age, she becomes invisible to men. Ok some women reach that age earlier than others but when looks fade, what your left with is your 'inner self'.

Yesterday my husband spent most of the afternoon throwing up. Was he ill? No not really, he'd had two stitches taken out of a wound on his leg. Did he look at me and think how beautiful I looked? No he depended on me to get the 'sick' bowl and empty it once he'd hurled up in it. Did he look into my eyes and think how wonderful they looked? No he needed me to tell him to concentrate on his breathing as he was hyperventilating.

Claudia Schiffer, I might not be but its me who he turns to when he's ill.

justme111

lostinrates wrote: »

What about things like depression. Once it would have been confused with ' letting your self go' and ' not having enough to do' and still I think is often confused with that. But now its increasingly seen as a mental health issue many of us can suffer from short term.

Well that one would make a change in one's personality, not only looks. Would been definitely a reason for finding them unattractive. As if would not be what I bought into when we got together. I guess there is no black and white here , scars could be seen like not what was promised as well but I would be ok with them while depression would test me heavily and probably would mean I am out .. what is the difference - scars would have no tangible effect other than people around looking uneasy and that I not only dont mind but could be perversely proud . While depression would affect every aspect of day to day life
Fbaby , I think with age its not that less importance is attached to looks , if anything I pay more attention now because looks becomeore and more reflection of inner qualities. (Lines on face tell a lot about one as does their body shape changes). It's just that we pat attention to different aspects of looks. Like for example women who don't even look at anyone shorter than 5'10 when they are 20 become not so hacked about it later because they don't see it as that important. But the same womanay pay far more attention to man's nails .

Georgiegirl256

Judi wrote: »

It is. :D:D

My personal opinion is that once a woman reaches a certain age, she becomes invisible to men.

If you let yourself go, then possibly? Yes, looks fade, but if you keep yourself tidy and reasonably well turned out, then there's always something that will attract somebody IMO. But as has been stated before, a cracking personality can go a long way, and that can be a huge turn on in regards to finding someone attractive on not.

I think a woman only becomes invisible when that is what she wants. When she wants to fade into the background. When she stops taking care of herself, and therefore looses confidence, that is when she becomes invisible. Same applies just as much to men though too.

Pollycat

ILoveEoin wrote: »

We been together nearly 10years and I have put on bout 3stone but I am short so it shows a lot on my waist. I have spent past few days crying, beating myself up and staring at myself in mirror. Yes I have to work on myself esp my weight but I am so bloody angry at way he said it and angry at myself for letting myself get to this mess:( feeling very lost atm

I've not read all the replies but I have read your 3 posts.

How did he say this?

Was it in a constructive or destructive way?
Was it said during an argument?

You say you are angry at the way he said it but is that subconscious anger because you feel you have let yourself go and you agree he has a point?

The fact that he says he loves you is a positive point.
Maybe this is the wake-up call you need to start to lose weight.

But - if my OH had said that to me, I would look at him critically and consider if I still found him attractive.
And if I thought there was things he could do to make himself more attractive e.g. stop slobbing on the sofa in a string vest picking his toenails :rotfl:, then I'd try to have a calm conversation with him about the things we both could change.