my husband doesnt find me attractive

cazziebo

Mr_Toad wrote: »

Just read through this thread and the phrase damned if you do and damned if you don't springs to mind.

How many he/she just upped and left, if only he/she had said something threads have there been?

This!

I'd much prefer my husband to tell me he found me unattractive - preferably as early as possible - so I could do something about it. Now that something might be break his legs as Tigster said :rotfl: or start paying attention to what I eat/ stop moaning/ take more of an interest in his work / plan some nights out or weekends away.

I'd rather have that opportunity to have the conversation, and understand what we can do together to resolve any issues.

Isn't that what a relationship is about?

FBaby

I wonder whether those who think his admitting his feeling is wrong and deserving of being dumped would feel the same about the confession that they suffered from really bad breath to the point that they don't want to kiss them any longer? Would you rather they kept it quiet and somehow bare it? Should they be dumped for bringing it up to their partner?

ManofLeisure_2

ILoveEoin wrote: »

My hubby broke the news that he still loves me but doesn't find me attractive. What do I do? am so angry but I can see his point?!?

I find this post so terribly sad. How any chap can behave in this way is beyond me. Surely, if your husband loves you, then he would find ways to assist with any weight issues you might have.

Pollycat

ManofLeisure wrote: »

I find this post so terribly sad. How any chap can behave in this way is beyond me. Surely, if your husband loves you, then he would find ways to assist with any weight issues you might have.

We don't know that he hasn't tried to get the OP to lose weight.

We don't even know exactly why the OP's OH no longer finds her attractive.
It might be a weight issue, something totally different or a combination of any number of things.

victory

We don't know because I don't think the OP has answered how it came about her OH saying he did not find her attractive, did she come back to post?

meer53

My husband said he didn't find me attractive either. Just before i discovered he'd been having an affair for 8 months.

I kicked him out. I had put on weight, BUT, i was still the same person he had married, just a different shape.

His loss, my gain. I'm still the same shape now 12 years later but can't tell you how much happier i am. He's on his own now, i have no idea whether he's happier or not, i don't really care.

lostinrates

FBaby wrote: »

I wonder whether those who think his admitting his feeling is wrong and deserving of being dumped would feel the same about the confession that they suffered from really bad breath to the point that they don't want to kiss them any longer? Would you rather they kept it quiet and somehow bare it? Should they be dumped for bringing it up to their partner?

Tbc, I don't think him admitting he is feeling things need work is wrong. I think how and probably when its done is the thing.

I think its easy to feel 'damned if you do and damned if you don't ' but rather I think its damned if you do it the wrong way and damned if you do nothing at all AND don't strive to continue to make the relationship work while things change and attempts to reach equilibrium/ find the place you're both ok .

dandelionclock30

FBaby wrote: »

I wonder whether those who think his admitting his feeling is wrong and deserving of being dumped would feel the same about the confession that they suffered from really bad breath to the point that they don't want to kiss them any longer? Would you rather they kept it quiet and somehow bare it? Should they be dumped for bringing it up to their partner?

Its the way in which he told her, if he had an issue he could have choosen to discuss it in a sensitive and supportive manner without being hurtfull.
Of course if he doesnt find her attractive its an issue but saying it in such a callous way shows him up.
Theres ways of discussing sensitive things without upsetting people which then provide a positive base for changes to be made.

balletshoes

dandelionclock30 wrote: »

Its the way in which he told her, if he had an issue he could have choosen to discuss it in a sensitive and supportive manner without being hurtfull.
Of course if he doesnt find her attractive its an issue but saying it in such a callous way shows him up.
Theres ways of discussing sensitive things without upsetting people which then provide a positive base for changes to be made.

how do we know how he said it? The OP just says it came out of the blue to her.

victory

It really reminds me of the thread where the wife was over weight and her husband posted that he had asked her to go upstairs and try on her bathing suit so that she could see how large she had become and he got mullered for that, for the insensitivity of the action, not for the thought or knowing that they both could see the weight gain but the way he went about it