my husband doesnt find me attractive

Georgiegirl256

lostinrates wrote: »

The point is my first concern wasn't his breath, it was him. As it turned out he'd had an iffy stomach. The next week it developed in to a seriously iffy stomach. ( his boss's son had. Stomach bug and ibis boss is sure it was that, I think its that they eat too much take out sushi in the heat, forty minutes on the back of a delivery bike cannot help raw fish). Now his stomach and his breath are back to normal.

I've got to admit that wouldn't have occurred to me. I can usually tell if my DH is off colour. If I'd asked him if he had a bad stomach he'd have probably wondered why I was asking. My point being is that I'd just come straight out and tell him if I thought his breath stank. But I totally see your point.

lostinrates

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

I've got to admit that wouldn't have occurred to me. I can usually tell if my DH is off colour. If I'd asked him if he had a bad stomach he'd have probably wondered why I was asking. My point being is that I'd just come straight out and tell him if I thought his breath stank. But I totally see your point.

I'd know too, if I lived with mine, and would have known why he had bad breath and he'd be eating less take out sushi.

I'd also kiss him from the train more often than on Fridays.

FBaby

Illiciting anger can turn into a positive actions. Anger is a powerful motivator, if only to prove to the person hurting you that you can prove them wrong. Maybe OP's partner used it as a last resort to try to help.

victory

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

No, they're different points.

As you see it ....:D

victory

FBaby wrote: »

Illiciting anger can turn into a positive actions. Anger is a powerful motivator, if only to prove to the person hurting you that you can prove them wrong. Maybe OP's partner used it as a last resort to try to help.

COuld be, weight loss is always about something else, not enough food as a child, told to eat whatever was on your plate and not waste it, a parent indulging their child with sweeties as a guilt for them having to work all hours god sends, not feeling loved, getting your needs met by food, that is why all the diet meal plans online now have a dedicated team of phone assistants that talk about dealing with problem, the cause of the over eating to stop it happening again and again

Georgiegirl256

victory wrote: »

As you see it ....:D

Yes, and as LIR sees it too lol!

victory

Georgiegirl256 wrote: »

Yes, and as LIR sees it too lol!

we all do:D

BucksLady

ManofLeisure wrote: »

I agree that we do not know the reasons. However, 'whatever' the issues are, I do not think that any decent chap who actually 'loved' his wife, would speak to her in such a way. Perhaps I'm 'old fashioned', but that's my opinion and I'm entitled to that

No, I don't think you sound 'old fashioned' in believing that a partner should be treated kindly. The fact that you would never act in such a way, to me, suggests you're a gentleman. I'm certain that my partner would act in the same way.

FBaby

Act in what way? We don't know if it was a case of 'listen, you might not like what I'm about to tell you, but you need to know, I don't find you attractive any longer, sorry'

or it might have been ' darling you know that I love you deeply and want the best for you. You know I haven't pressured you about losing weight because you told me that you would deal with it yourself and I didn't want to nag. You are asking me whether I still find you attractive and I'm really struggling with answering you because the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings, but at the same time, I promised you that I would never lied to you. So yes, recently, I haven't found you as attractive as you used to, but maybe it's because the weight gain as happened quickly and I haven't had the chance to get used to it. You know that no matter what I love and will be there for you even if you never lose the weight'

Pollycat

BucksLady wrote: »

No, I don't think you sound 'old fashioned' in believing that a partner should be treated kindly. The fact that you would never act in such a way, to me, suggests you're a gentleman. I'm certain that my partner would act in the same way.

OK.
So - if your OH decided he no longer found you unattractive, how would you like him to say it?
What words would you find acceptable?

FBaby wrote: »

Act in what way? We don't know if it was a case of 'listen, you might not like what I'm about to tell you, but you need to know, I don't find you attractive any longer, sorry'

or it might have been ' darling you know that I love you deeply and want the best for you. You know I haven't pressured you about losing weight because you told me that you would deal with it yourself and I didn't want to nag. You are asking me whether I still find you attractive and I'm really struggling with answering you because the last thing I want to do is hurt your feelings, but at the same time, I promised you that I would never lied to you. So yes, recently, I haven't found you as attractive as you used to, but maybe it's because the weight gain as happened quickly and I haven't had the chance to get used to it. You know that no matter what I love and will be there for you even if you never lose the weight'

Spot on, FBaby.
I made the same point earlier in the thread.

We know the OP's OH said he no longer found her attractive but we don't know the circumstances in which he said that and we don't know the words or tone he used.

Lots of posters appear to have forgotten or missed the fact that he said he still loved her.