I need some advice :-(

Artytarty

Big hug time maybe? You and her I mean!
You've got to keep on showing you love her,not that I'm saying you aren't! But hugs can break down barriers sometimes.

Poppie68

Dont make a big issue out of things written in the diary. Alot of whats written is normal for hormonal teenagers, don't all of a sudden become mum of the year either just change things slowly so she doesn't twig on. That said spending more time with her maybe what she needs, try the shopping trip..but also take into account some of the things you have read in the diary, like her fears for her sister...you know they are unfounded and deep down so does she but try and prove what she fears is'nt going to happen... Losing your temper is normal but next time you do it..think of the diary and take a deep breath...deal with the problem differently.

Better_Days

The thing is OP, even though you found her diary you didn't have to read it.

She may be feeling embarrassed but I suspect she is also dealing with the invasion of privacy. Did you apologise for invading her privacy and reading the diary? Did you promise her you wouldn't do it again?

I can not see any reason for you to read her diary (for the secnd time) in the circs you have described.

You want her to behave in a more mature way but you are not respecting her privacy as she deserves.

I think you should consider taking a bit more of the long view on all this. When your daughter gets through her teenage years would you like to be friends with her? With friendship there needs to be trust and respect.

My mother read my diary and it was horrible. There were a lot of other issues too, but there wasn't and still isn't any trust between us. We have virtually no contact now.

You have challenged her about the things that she said in the diary rather than trying to build bridges by addressing the problem your behaviour has caused. I'm not surprised she is staying in her room.

spender

My teenage son currently veers between being embarrassed by us, hating us and loving us! All normal teenage behaviour. I would not and do not tidy his room without his invitation (generally he has to learn to live in his own mess and change his own sheets). Everything I do is wrong but that is teenagers. I am here when he wants us but I would never invade his privacy.

lika_86

teenageradvice wrote: »

I asked her why she was afraid to leave me alone with youngest and she said that if youngest is playing up (as 3 year olds do) and I get cross with her, she is afraid I will smack her.

This is the bit that stands out for me. Is there a reason why she would be afraid of this? Has there been violence in the past either towards your eldest daughter or towards your ex that your daughter witnessed? We were smacked as children when we really were particularly naughty but only with a bare hand and on the bottom, nothing that would have caused me to be afraid of it happening to either myself or my sister.

teenageradvice

lika_86 wrote: »

This is the bit that stands out for me. Is there a reason why she would be afraid of this? Has there been violence in the past either towards your eldest daughter or towards your ex that your daughter witnessed? We were smacked as children when we really were particularly naughty but only with a bare hand and on the bottom, nothing that would have caused me to be afraid of it happening to either myself or my sister.

Only a bare hand on the bottom/top of leg if really naughty. Most the time, if little one is playing up I just put her on the 'thinking step' for an appropriate time.

skattykatty

seeing as she knows you read her diary, did you say anything about how you feel about having done so? I'm wondering who did most of the talking? Did you ask about why she thinks you would smack the little one, if that's not your habitual way of disciplining her? Keep questions open, be patient...

aggypanthus

juicyl wrote: »

Disagree! Why, if that's what she likes to do? She'll treasure the memories when she's older. Children grow up so quickly anyway, I don't think we need to boot them into adulthood ourselves!

I didnt mean that to be so blunt. Of course its a great relationship to have.

fivetide

Better_Days wrote: »

The thing is OP, even though you found her diary you didn't have to read it.

She may be feeling embarrassed but I suspect she is also dealing with the invasion of privacy. Did you apologise for invading her privacy and reading the diary? Did you promise her you wouldn't do it again?

.

This. you've embarrassed and upset her and it sounds like your conversation went in the face of everything said in this thread about why this is out of order.


Can you answer these questions ?At the moment I seems you are ploughing a very destructive furrow despite the good advice you got here.


Like I said, use this as chance to say sorry - a lot and tell her to tidy her own room for her privacy.


then back off a bit.

purpleshoes_2

Errata wrote: »

Cinema twice a week with grandad, walks by the river, trips to the zoo, the park, the paddling pool? Fine and dandy for a toddler but enough to make any 16 year old girl hate their mother and wish they were dead.

I dont think so. Nothing wrong with going to the cinema with a family member. I cant remember doing anything very much exciting at 16, a few parties that friends had and that was about it, bit of sport, the world didnt end.