I need some advice :-(

pleasedelete

teenageradvice wrote: »

Thank you all for the advice. I am not going to say anything to her but will be stopping such an easy life as such. If she wants something then she is going to have to show respect and earn it by helping around the house etc.

This morning I was so upset and angry that my only train of thought was to give her the option to go and live with her grandparents and see that the grass wont be any greener on the other side which is why I came for advice.

So now you are punishing her because she said she didnt like you? You asked for advice- no-one gave you that advice- seems you just want to follow an agenda you already had.

teenageradvice

pleasedelete wrote: »

So now you are punishing her because she said she didnt like you? You asked for advice- no-one gave you that advice- seems you just want to follow an agenda you already had.

No? As some people have suggested, I treat her like an adult. I cant see how her helping out around the house is a punishment?
I already mentioned her attitude towards me could be disgusting, instead of letting it go like I usually do, I will address it. If I had spoken to my folks the way she occasionally speaks to me, I would have had a slap! Not that Ill be doing that to her, but setting boundaries for respect seems reasonable to me?

lika_86

To all those who had diaries, I watched a documentary the other week on US Netflix (not sure if it's ok the UK one) called Mortified Nation about shows that are put on where people read their teenage diaries aloud to an audience. It's hilarious. Watch it if you can.

balletshoes

teenageradvice wrote: »

No? As some people have suggested, I treat her like an adult. I cant see how her helping out around the house is a punishment?
I already mentioned her attitude towards me could be disgusting, instead of letting it go like I usually do, I will address it. If I had spoken to my folks the way she occasionally speaks to me, I would have had a slap! Not that Ill be doing that to her, but setting boundaries for respect seems reasonable to me?

Setting boundaries is a good idea ~ but u need to approach that calmly and in an adult way with her. discuss with her what u both think her household responsibilities and attitudes should be ~ and if theres anything about your attitude to her which could do with a tweak, discuss that with her too in the same conversation.
and dont read her diary again ~ if u dont like her written thoughts when u are not imposing chores on her, u definitely wont like them when u do!

teenageradvice

balletshoes wrote: »

Setting boundaries is a good idea ~ but u need to approach that calmly and in an adult way with her. discuss with her what u both think her household responsibilities and attitudes should be ~ and if theres anything about your attitude to her whuch could do with a tweak, discuss that with her too in the same conversation.
and dont read her diary again ~ if u dont like her written thoughts when u are not imposing chores on her, u definitely wont like them when u do!

As crap I as I feel right, you made me giggle at your last part. Thank you!

fivetide

pleasedelete wrote: »

So now you are punishing her because she said she didnt like you? You asked for advice- no-one gave you that advice- seems you just want to follow an agenda you already had.

I think the OP setting some rules down isn't a bad thing at all and also making her work around the house. With a little one to look after the older one could at least pull her weight.

The thing to be careful of is that it is carrot and stick, not all just stick. Give her some more freedoms or work out what she will get in return.

teenageradvice

fivetide wrote: »

I think the OP setting some rules down isn't a bad thing at all and also making her work around the house. With a little one to look after the older one could at least pull her weight.

The thing to be careful of is that it is carrot and stick, not all just stick. Give her some more freedoms or work out what she will get in return.

Thank you. Im just looking around thinking what is reasonable for her to do.

So far I have got keeping her room tidy - more in putting dirty clothing in the bathroom wash bin and emptying the trash bin regularly. Polishing in the lounge twice a week and putting any washing up away from the draining board. She already does her own ironing.

I would rather wash up myself as she is rubbish at it and I don't mind hoovering, bathroom, downstairs loo, doing the cooking, washing.

Is that to much to ask?

fivetide

I think if you wash she could put away. I wouldn't bother with the polishing mind, you'd probably have to do it again. However, her making a mess, she needs to clear it. She should be responsible for keeping her own room tidy and tell her you won't be washing stuff for her again unless it is in the wash bin.

that means clothes and her sheets and things.

Be sure to dress it up as giving her more privacy and if needed, i'd apologise for reading her diary (the first time) again if it comes up.

barbiedoll

Oh god, teenagers and their dramas. :eek:

I have a 16 year old son and I do mourn the loss of my happy, smiley, funny little boy who has been stolen from me and replaced with a surly, miserable, lazy git.

I tend to ignore my son's moods and I still speak to him in a normal manner. My husband however, tends to react and to speak to him in a much more aggressive tone, which makes my son go all sulky and defensive, this often ends up in a row about nothing.

We are trying to get our son to do more chores around the house, he has finished his exams and thinks he is going to spend all day either in bed or on his games console. We told him to weed our (tiny) front garden, you'd think we had asked him to rebuild the Coliseum!

I'm sure that if he wrote a diary, it would be full of stuff about how he hates his parents and how he just wants to die or get out of this place etc etc etc.......

My teenage diary was exactly the same, (I had a much younger sibling too) and I was always storming off to go and "live" with my aunt (for 2 days at a time, I soon came crawling back when I realised that my aunt wouldn't let me stay out all night either!)

This is normal teenage stuff, stop snooping, and treat her like an adult, when appropriate. If she's in a strop and is rude to you, ignore it and speak to her about her manners when you're both calm. Discuss the pet idea with her and tell her that it is not practical now but maybe she could offer to walk a neighbour's dog or maybe have a smaller pet like a gerbil or hamster (as long as she cares for it, obviously)

You catch more flies with honey as they say, it's very hard to be nice to teenagers sometimes, you really do have to rise above it.
And don't take it too personally, all teenagers hate their parents!

teenageradvice

barbiedoll wrote: »

Oh god, teenagers and their dramas. :eek:

I have a 16 year old son and I do mourn the loss of my happy, smiley, funny little boy who has been stolen from me and replaced with a surly, miserable, lazy git.

I tend to ignore my son's moods and I still speak to him in a normal manner. My husband however, tends to react and to speak to him in a much more aggressive tone, which makes my son go all sulky and defensive, this often ends up in a row about nothing.

We are trying to get our son to do more chores around the house, he has finished his exams and thinks he is going to spend all day either in bed or on his games console. We told him to weed our (tiny) front garden, you'd think we had asked him to rebuild the Coliseum!

I'm sure that if he wrote a diary, it would be full of stuff about how he hates his parents and how he just wants to die or get out of this place etc etc etc.......

My teenage diary was exactly the same, (I had a much younger sibling too) and I was always storming off to go and "live" with my aunt (for 2 days at a time, I soon came crawling back when I realised that my aunt wouldn't let me stay out all night either!)

This is normal teenage stuff, stop snooping, and treat her like an adult, when appropriate. If she's in a strop and is rude to you, ignore it and speak to her about her manners when you're both calm. Discuss the pet idea with her and tell her that it is not practical now but maybe she could offer to walk a neighbour's dog or maybe have a smaller pet like a gerbil or hamster (as long as she cares for it, obviously)

You catch more flies with honey as they say, it's very hard to be nice to teenagers sometimes, you really do have to rise above it.
And don't take it too personally, all teenagers hate their parents!

Your post has actually made me well up with tears a bit through sheer laughter and the advice.

I do tend to take things personally so will work hard to ignore the majority of bad stuff she says.