I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

Idiophreak

MrSmartprice wrote: »

The one thing that made me chuckle was this comment: "Hardly anyone got up and danced at the reception because we had our own music." Where is the common sense? Presumably it was something alien to most guests, so why use it? Far better providing tried and tested floor-fillers appropriate to the age group of the guests if you want dancing. Something of an own goal there.

It's not as easy as you think to pick music people will dance to...that's why DJs have a job...it's especially difficult as it's not always the music you like that you need to play. I know several DJs who've quit because they're fed up of playing drivel all the time.

We did our own music between the band's sets at our wedding and most of it got people up and dancing, but it was shameless cheese until quite late on. I've been to weddings where people have tried to just play their favourite songs and it rarely results in a full dance floor.

supersaver2

tea_lover wrote: »

I really did, and I think it's very sad (in the upsetting sense of the word). The OP is a newlywed who, by her own admission, is happy with her husband. I think it's a real shame that trivialities are stopping her enjoying this special time.

Yes there were issues on the day but they are all so insignificant!

I think perspective is desperately lacking here. Comments like "I didn't like how my hair turned out", "I'm not keen on the photos", etc are understandable - I'm sure most people could think of one or two small things they might change about the day, however much they enjoyed it. But to say they're awake in the night stressing about it, to ask how to cope... imo that's just ridiculous.

As I posted previously, if I said something like this to any of my friends they would give me a firm kick up the backside and tell me to stop being silly. I really think that will help more than encouraging the OP to think this is a big deal and that it needs to be rectified in some way.

Great so you did read it all so obviously read more than just drama over nails as you stated.

Again maybe insignificant to you, clearly not to the OP! Really do not understand why that is so hard to understand, maybe you get upset over different things in life and being told to get over them etc wouldn't help for your personally.

My wife is a massive worrier and often lies awake thinking over (in my opinion) the most trivial matters, doesn't make her ridiculous in my eyes, just that some folk worry and feel anxious, others don't. Tough love works for some, not for others.

The people who are posting ideas are trying to help her stop stressing, clearly your method isn't working.

tea_lover

If posters just want people to agree with them, to pat them on the head and say "there there" maybe they should say so in the OP.

supersaver2

tea_lover wrote: »

If posters just want people to agree with them, to pat them on the head and say "there there" maybe they should say so in the OP.

Agreeing with her would make zero sense though, she was asking for advice which people have given. For people to agree with her complaints about the day would involve them being there. Plenty of posters have offered her good advice and I for one hope she will soon start to forget the 'bad parts' and start to enjoy married life.

pukkamum

My wedding day didn't go as I'd planned, my dad got stoned, my mum called me a biatch, my mil sat stoney faced throughout it all and left an hour into the reception, my divorced mum and dad flirted constantly in front of my mums partner, there were men playing naked poker in the next room (not part of my wedding guests) and my sisters thought it would be hilarious to take me in there and film my reaction so this is on my wedding video.
One group of friends spent the whole night doing cocaine in the toilets, my 2 best friends had a huge row and have never spoken since.
We forgot to cut the cake.
BUT I wouldn't change a thing, many have said since it was the best wedding ever, we were on a very tight budget, a friend did the DJing and played all our faves so the floor was filled all night and the pasty and peas we ordered as a buffet went down a storm.
You are suffering from post wedding depression, it is known and recognised condition, so much planning and hype goes into wedding prep that it is almost impossible to achieve the perfect wedding.
P.s i didn't have an official photographer, i got a friend to do the formal shots, most of which i hate, and other friends to take loads of random shots.
The random shots are amazing, lots of natural smiles and love, get your friends to email you their shots and I would be very surprised if you don't find a few you like x x

Billie-S

Have to agree with supersaver, jaylee and brighton belle (and several others.) I get very cross with people who poo-poo peoples problems and talk to them like they're a bit stupid, because they are getting upset about something that they, themselves, would not get upset about. It's really rather inconsiderate and not very compassionate. I guess all people are different, and some people don't let certain things bother them; but to be harsh on someone who is upset about something, is an unpleasant trait IMO.

I don't think anyone posting expects people to say 'there there' and treat them like babies, but people who are upset and anxious really do not need harsh and sarcastic comments. I am not into the 'tough love' and think it's an excuse to be cruel to people who just need a hug and some compassion.

To the OP, I hope you find peace, and yes I think it is a good idea (as some have suggested,) to ask around to see what pics the people who went to the wedding have got. And yes, do have some more taken, and then you can choose the best ones.

ska_lover

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Hi all.
Got married recently, and just woke at 3am to stressy thoughts about all the things that went wrong/I didnt like about my wedding day.
Im glad to be married to my lovely husand :A by the way, thats not the problem.

My hair was a disaster - the things we tried to do didnt work, then we ran out of time and I ended up looking like I hadnt even bothered to wash it because of the styling products and the extensions we put in, and the backcombing that just flopped.
I couldnt stop sweating and in all the photos I look shiny and fat. I didnt lose weight and my stomach looks bulgy despite the pointless 'control underwear' I had on.
When I arrived at the venue exactly on time[lol], the organiser of my ceremony 'hadnt turned up' and the other staff were franticly messing about not really knowing the original plan, and they thought I was a bridesmaid when I got there and asked me where the bride was. The registrar asked me why I was early even though she also agreed I was on time [I dont get that part]. I never had time to do my nails, I didnt even give them a coat of nail varnish.
I hate having my photo taken and there were about 50 cameras pointed at me and my messy hair.
My stomach turns when I think of all the terrible photos that must be floating around. Our friend did the 'official' photos and a lot of them I dont like as Im making stupid faces because I dont have a standard 'camera smile'.
Hardly anyone got up and danced at the reception because we had our own music.
I cant believe so many things didnt go the way I wanted and that I didnt really enjoy my day, I just felt uncomfortable, ill, hot and stressed.

The only thing Ive thought of to try and rectify any this is get a proper photographer to take some decent photos in the wedding clothes, at a location of my choice, but without the stress of the day around us. Otherwise I feel quite down and dont know how to be more positive about it.

I think some people are being very harsh on you - but I can empathise.

I understand the thought and prep that goes in to planning a wedding - and the hopes and dreams you may have been having for months or years leading up to that.

You are not alone - is there such a thing as the PERFECT wedding day? In real life things go wrong every day, so we can't expect this one day of our lives to be any different in reality can we. If we really thought about it, I bet there would be a couple of things we would have done differently on our wedding day - but that is the thing, most of us only ever get married once, so we are not 'old hands' or experienced in it

Check out this link:-

http://offbeatbride.com/2013/01/not-awesome-wedding-day

I didn't do my nails either, I had brought the perfect shade of nail polish - and didn't pack it in my overnight bag. I had about ten seconds of dismay before I forgot about it, and didn't give it a second thought until just this second. My hair looked fantastic - for ten minutes after it was done - and then went pretty flat. I wasn't too upset by any of this, as the most important thing of the day was to get married, and everything else, and I mean everything, was secondary primp. Nevertheless I don't say this in an attempt to make you feel wrong about the way you feel

I do think a lot of people suffer a bit of an anticlimax after the big day - as so much effort is put in for planning, weekends and evenings. I think maybe plan to save for a holiday or something?

I hate having my photograph taken, and immediately after the wedding I was given copies of lots of amateur footage of our wedding in which a lot of them, either one of us was pulling daft faces etc. The professional photos may suprise you - as I was overwhelmed by ours - that's why we pay them so much, as they can really bring out the best in you. Wait till you get your professional ones, I bet there is at least one in the batch you will love and be happy to have on display.

beautiful_ravens

Ive read your replies with interest, some are helpful and yes some are still useless!

To the prickly pears - 'get over yourself' is all very well as a harsh answer, but you dont mention how to.

Its now been a few more days of space and time.
The ceremony venue half-apologised for 'me thinking the organiser would be there', although it sounds like excuses;
Ive told the FB friends not to post pics online and to email them to us;
Im still thinking about having pro pictures done, because Ive never had any pics like that anyway;
Ive taken on board the fact that probably no one will revisit my wedding shots on their cameras/phones, and I probably wont either after Ive got some OK pictures to hang up. I may send out 'official' ones to the families.
I will black-and-white some of them to take away from the harsh flash and sweat effects.

As for the music - we chose 2.5 hours of tunes we felt a range of people would like, then another 2.5 hours of music that we and our same-age friends would like, but it was still a flop on the dancefloor! However, what youre telling me is that I should remember that me and my new hubby had a dance around towards the end and it was quite funny

I think youre right that I will forget the worrying details over time, some of this stress was obviously to do with the come-down after the mad organising.

Thanks to all you helpful posters, you did help.

his_missus

Ravens, we look at our photo album every anniversary and that is it. You only need to find one or two really to display.

Black and white or even maybe sepia could make your photos look really classy, good idea.

If you have the pro photos taken are you still considering wearing your wedding outfits or going for a more casual look? Maybe some of you as a couple relaxed and "larking about" (you know the type where the photographer gets you to piggy back etc.) would look fab.

Have any of the guests specifically asked for an official wedding photo? Only our parents bought one, everyone else was has happy to use their own.

double_mummy

wow your day sounded amazing - but trust me you get over it mine was almost 2 years ago and i dont even think about it anymore some of the highlights were
being told the night before the wedding the decorators for the venue were now unavailable and we would have to go in and do it ourselves
staff sleeping with guests in the toilets
food being thrown down my MOH when being served
food including still frozen prawns and nothing that we had had at the tasting
fruit plates chosen for diabetic guests turning into a fruit cocktail in a can covered in sugar syrup
serving alcohol to an 11 year old
none of the decorations we ordered through them showing up
serving people the wrong food even though they had had the seating chart and food orders for weeks
photographer stopping the wedding as he got a shot of the registrars piece of paper so he had to delete it in front of her in the middle of the ceremony

and thats just a few lol all i think about now i marrying my husband and the life we have now