I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

jaylee3

WoodyAllenJesus wrote: »

Just move on, it's just one day, in a few years you won't even look at the photos so forget about them now. Pick out a couple of lovely ones to have on display in your home if you want, but the rest don't matter. What matters is how you live afterwards.

I too had a terrible wedding day with terrible memories, but for different reasons. I lost weight, looked pretty good (for me!) and was in a gorgeous location abroad all tanned and healthy with beautiful photos. But my family let me down terribly and afterwards basically told me they had been nice to me because it was my wedding day but it was all fake. My dad actually sent me an awful letter about how 'wronged' he had felt on my wedding day and what a terrible daughter I was (I'd done certain things that weren't the way he would have wanted in a perfect world, I guess he forgot it was my day and thought it was his).

As a result I cannot look at the lovely photos because I know how fake everyone is being. I don't have a single photo of my wedding day in my house. It used to get me down a lot but now 7 years later I'm over it, although my relationship with my dad will never be the same.

I hope you can move on from the actual day and look toward the future

Wow, your family sound charming! Bloomin' Families eh? Who'd have 'em?! I feel so sorry for you.

Glad you're kind of over it now though.

Bluejeanbaby

I'm sorry that you're wedding wasn't what you hoped it would be. I think you spend a lot of time leading up to day planning & organising that the weeks following can be a bit underwhelming. I haven't read the whole thread so someone may have already recommended this link but it may be worth you having a look at, especially the comments.

http://offbeatbride.com/2013/01/not-awesome-wedding-day

jackieblack

lostinrates wrote: »

Agree with last sentiment wholeheartedly.

There are rules about when and where you get married ( time in uk had to be day time I think and the place needs to be licensed, this was difficult to explain to our American family too) The way round this is to nip to a register office for legalities the day before or the morning of , then have a 'ceremony' how you want it.

We went to a wedding like this (quite a few years ago now).
They'd nipped down to Reg office in the morning to 'do the paperwork' then late afternoon had a beautiful ceremony in a cornfield at the bottom of the bride's parent's garden, then all back to bride's parents back garden for a hog roast/buffet.
It was a lovely day, very relaxed and they got exactly the 'wedding' they wanted

I think the suggestion to do the whole bonfire thing for 1st anniversary, with photographs if wanted, is a great idea

supersaver2

Person_one wrote: »

Do you not think the overwhelming majority of the replies are worth considering then? Just the few that confirm your own feelings and ideas?

I wouldn't think the rude and unpleasant ones are worth considering when the poster is feeling low already, sticking the boot in further certainly won't help. Let her consider and take on ideas to help her feel better and move on. Surely if it was that easy to 'get over herself' as has been suggested by some, she would have done it already.

Glad the later replies are giving helpful suggestions and the OP sounds a little happier in her latest post.

tea_lover

supersaver2 wrote: »

Surely if it was that easy to 'get over herself' as has been suggested by some, she would have done it already.

The suggestion was actually to get over it. Which I still think is the best way to 'cope' with the trauma of less than ideal nails.

supersaver2

tea_lover wrote: »

The suggestion was actually to get over it. Which I still think is the best way to 'cope' with the trauma of less than ideal nails.

Apologies it was, but I read more than a problem with her nails in her opening post, did you read all the post?

tea_lover

supersaver2 wrote: »

Apologies it was, but I read more than a problem with her nails in her opening post, did you read all the post?

I really did, and I think it's very sad (in the upsetting sense of the word). The OP is a newlywed who, by her own admission, is happy with her husband. I think it's a real shame that trivialities are stopping her enjoying this special time.

Yes there were issues on the day but they are all so insignificant!

I think perspective is desperately lacking here. Comments like "I didn't like how my hair turned out", "I'm not keen on the photos", etc are understandable - I'm sure most people could think of one or two small things they might change about the day, however much they enjoyed it. But to say they're awake in the night stressing about it, to ask how to cope... imo that's just ridiculous.

As I posted previously, if I said something like this to any of my friends they would give me a firm kick up the backside and tell me to stop being silly. I really think that will help more than encouraging the OP to think this is a big deal and that it needs to be rectified in some way.

Brighton_belle

I get what you are saying tea lover, but anxiety and emotional pain often is completely irrational. Telling someone not to feel what they feel isn't generally the most effective way of helping them feel differently though.
I suspect most of the day to day worries many of us have could be classed as '1st world problems' but that doesn't make them go away. And if your more prone to anxiety and anguished thoughts them waking up in the night stressing is a real burden and not one that can be easily wished away because they are ridiculous.


One way some counsellers work is to ask a client, 'what can you do that would make you feel better' and in a sense, the op is looking for ideas that might help her do that.


My suggestion is to destroy any photos you hate. Check out if there are any decent ones out there as others have suggested. One way to retrain your brain away from negative and distressing thoughts is to commit to distracting yourself as soon as they arrive. So line up a few positive ideas of what you can think about next time the thoughts arise - and if this needs to be 50 times a day to start with, then so be it. The unhappy memories will gradually fade to less significant and impactful.

his_missus

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Hi all.
Got married recently, and just woke at 3am to stressy thoughts about all the things that went wrong/I didnt like about my wedding day.
Im glad to be married to my lovely husand :A by the way, thats not the problem.

My hair was a disaster - the things we tried to do didnt work, then we ran out of time and I ended up looking like I hadnt even bothered to wash it because of the styling products and the extensions we put in, and the backcombing that just flopped.
I turned up to my wedding without my tiara to add some pizazz to my hair. Maid of Honour went to get it after the ceremony. I have photos with and without tiara on.
I couldnt stop sweating and in all the photos I look shiny and fat. I didnt lose weight and my stomach looks bulgy despite the pointless 'control underwear' I had on.
My control underwear did nothing for my bulges either and my sleeveless dress emphasised my flabby, fat arms.
When I arrived at the venue exactly on time[lol], the organiser of my ceremony 'hadnt turned up' and the other staff were franticly messing about not really knowing the original plan, and they thought I was a bridesmaid when I got there and asked me where the bride was. The registrar asked me why I was early even though she also agreed I was on time [I dont get that part]. I never had time to do my nails, I didnt even give them a coat of nail varnish.
I manage to smudge my nail varnish the night before on 3 fingers but hadn't taken any remover away with me.
I hate having my photo taken and there were about 50 cameras pointed at me and my messy hair.
My stomach turns when I think of all the terrible photos that must be floating around. Our friend did the 'official' photos and a lot of them I dont like as Im making stupid faces because I dont have a standard 'camera smile'.
I don't have a natural smile either and I looked like Wallace (from Wallace and Gromit) on most of them
Hardly anyone got up and danced at the reception because we had our own music.
The DJ thought my party would love "techno dance tunes" and no-one danced (apart from little kids) until much later when he finally put on some 80's tunes.
I cant believe so many things didnt go the way I wanted and that I didnt really enjoy my day, I just felt uncomfortable, ill, hot and stressed.
I also had 2 guests who cancelled in the morning meaning I had to rearrange the seating plan to balance out tables, it was TOM so I was on paracetamol all day to ease the cramps so only had one alcoholic drink all day, 2 partners of friends had a fight and the smoking ban had just come into place so most people were outside half of the night.

However, everyone had a fantastic time. Nobody complained about anything, they all said I looked lovely (with and without tiara and no-one even noticed the smudged nail varnish ) and there are even some photos where I look half decent (if a touch Mr Blobby). People still say what a great party it was.

Try not to focus so much on the details. I appreciate you spent a lot of time and money on planning your wedding and you wanted the perfect day. I don't think that anybody actually has the perfect wedding day though, there's always a hitch or two.

And I'm sure there's a few photos of knocking about somewhere that some guests took where you look as stunning as you imagined you would x

MrSmartprice

I have to say that it is difficult to understand why someone is still fretting over a few issues and problems. Nothing you can do now, but I suspect part of the problem is that people want to organise and choreograph every second of a wedding day. You cannot control everything and spontaneity isn't always a bad thing.

Our wedding was very simple, a few people at the Register Office followed by afternoon tea in a hotel and that was it. The point is that we are just as married and it makes no difference to your relationship.

The one thing that made me chuckle was this comment: "Hardly anyone got up and danced at the reception because we had our own music." Where is the common sense? Presumably it was something alien to most guests, so why use it? Far better providing tried and tested floor-fillers appropriate to the age group of the guests if you want dancing. Something of an own goal there.

I recall going to an 80th birthday party at a golf club where the lady clearly wanted people dancing and having fun. However, she left the music to her 2 teenage grandsons, and they played utter garbage the whole night. Not one person danced, but she was too polite to ask them to put on some of the music people wanted. Result: everyone bored stiff and the room had emptied before 10pm. A grim night!