I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

alias*alibi

OP; I know somebody who spent an absolute fortune on her wedding. That's all we heard about for months at work. She lost loads of weight, was fake tanned to the eyeballs, teeth whitened and preened and pruned to within an inch of her life. It was most definitely all about her and the reception was at some posh hotel in Cheshire with a server carving meat off the bone for the buffet.

5 years later she is divorced. So that's £20k down the pan and photos she will never look at again.

I'd 2nd getting a professional to look at your photos to see if they can be touched up. All the other things that went wrong are circumstantial.

alias*alibi

Person_one wrote: »

Can I just say for the record, I've been to many many weddings, and I've never thought to look at the bride's fingernails.

Me neither to be honest! I don't really notice my own not done in my photos but then again I don't study them for any length of time.

beautiful_ravens

Aw you guys, I know, but, for once I wanted my eczema ridden hands & nails to look vaguely nice, and my flat pin-head hair to be a super big quiff [ a style that Ive had in years gone by that I know hubby liked] but it just didnt happen, and I felt somewhat sad!

I am taking on board all the useful advice, really. I was quite disconcerted when I met hubbys aunt, 10 years older than me but 10 times more thin/nice/stylish than me... But, there are some incredible photos of my husband looking speechless when I got to the pseudo-alter, in fact the pics of him are far more meaningful to me than any of myself, I wish I could just frame him![he wouldnt have it though]

Im still thinking of the pro photos, because I love my medieval dress and want something that reflects the whole idea behind our wedding - the photos would be under the tree where I proposed to him, 2 fields from our house.

Thanks to all who have offered stories and advice. x

[Deleted User]

I'm with the 'get over it lot'

Faith177

A few things went wrong at mine too

1) about 6 months before the wedding we found out the hotel I was meant to be stayin at "lost" our booking in favour of a wedding parties booking
2) my MIL rang 6 weeks before the wedding on my mum's 50th to announce her, her partner (also my OH's half brother LONG story) and OH's two brothers couldn't afford the hotel or travel expenses despite knowing about the wedding for 3 years and demanding over 1K from us to pay it
3) my nan demanded the night before the wedding that we changed the pick up point for the coach
4) my car was 45 minutes late
5) it was freezing cold and i mean stupidly cold especially considering it was an outside wedding on the banks of Loch Ness (plus side I was my own something blue!)
6) No-one picked up the candle holders for the ceremony
7) No-one picked up OH's present for the ceremony
8) My nan started to make a fuss during the ceremony
9) One of our guest was so drunk she was throwing up during the ceremony and nearly threw up on our piper
10) The venue spelt my grandad's name wrong on his place card
11) My OH broke my mug part of a set my mum had made for me
12) OH stood on my dress and pulled the top skirt off (lucky it wasn't damaged)
13) The guest who was drunk had to be taken out of the venue in a wheelchair in a service elevator as it was too dangerous to get her up the concrete stairs. I had to talk the venue out of calling an air ambulance for her as they thought she had alcohol poisoning
14) My grandparents who demanded i arrange a coach for them then left early and had secretly arranged their own cabs so i paid £300+ for a coach when i could have just order a stupid mini bus
15) two of our guests nearly missed the wedding as the coach left early at least they had a car so they drove over
16) my nan upset my mum as she told my mum "ill guess you'll do" when she came down with her hair, make up and dress on
17) my mil told my OH the next day everyone had been mean to her. Truth was she had ignored everyone and had been blunt when anyone tried to speak to her

then finally two weeks after my wedding my mum was diagonised with breast cancer so all in all my wedding was fantastic because I married my best friend!

beautiful_ravens

Missu wrote: »

I'm with the 'get over it lot'

It should read - I'm with the 'get over it' lot. x

beautiful_ravens

Faith177 wrote: »

A few things went wrong at mine too

1) about 6 months before the wedding we found out the hotel I was meant to be stayin at "lost" our booking in favour of a wedding parties booking
2) my MIL rang 6 weeks before the wedding on my mum's 50th to announce her, her partner (also my OH's half brother LONG story) and OH's two brothers couldn't afford the hotel or travel expenses despite knowing about the wedding for 3 years and demanding over 1K from us to pay it
3) my nan demanded the night before the wedding that we changed the pick up point for the coach
4) my car was 45 minutes late
5) it was freezing cold and i mean stupidly cold especially considering it was an outside wedding on the banks of Loch Ness (plus side I was my own something blue!)
6) No-one picked up the candle holders for the ceremony
7) No-one picked up OH's present for the ceremony
8) My nan started to make a fuss during the ceremony
9) One of our guest was so drunk she was throwing up during the ceremony and nearly threw up on our piper
10) The venue spelt my grandad's name wrong on his place card
11) My OH broke my mug part of a set my mum had made for me
12) OH stood on my dress and pulled the top skirt off (lucky it wasn't damaged)
13) The guest who was drunk had to be taken out of the venue in a wheelchair in a service elevator as it was too dangerous to get her up the concrete stairs. I had to talk the venue out of calling an air ambulance for her as they thought she had alcohol poisoning
14) My grandparents who demanded i arrange a coach for them then left early and had secretly arranged their own cabs so i paid £300+ for a coach when i could have just order a stupid mini bus
15) two of our guests nearly missed the wedding as the coach left early at least they had a car so they drove over
16) my nan upset my mum as she told my mum "ill guess you'll do" when she came down with her hair, make up and dress on
17) my mil told my OH the next day everyone had been mean to her. Truth was she had ignored everyone and had been blunt when anyone tried to speak to her

then finally two weeks after my wedding my mum was diagonised with breast cancer so all in all my wedding was fantastic because I married my best friend!

Thanks...!
Sorry about your mum x but youre right, it was about getting married!
We ordered a load of taxis to the tune of 200 quid and then people didnt turn up/everyone else fitted in one taxi and we didnt need them all

time2deal

Faith177 wrote: »

16) my nan upset my mum as she told my mum "ill guess you'll do" when she came down with her hair, make up and dress on

Why do family say things like that! It just undermines you for the whole day. No matter what my mum or anyone wore I would have said 'you look amazing!'. It clothes them in confidence, which makes everything look better.

As it was my Mum did look amazing. I feel lucky now that all I felt on the day was loved and supported (apart from the odd bit of stress!)

Faith177 wrote: »

then finally two weeks after my wedding my mum was diagonised with breast cancer so all in all my wedding was fantastic because I married my best friend!

I hope your mum is ok, that is such a stressful thing to go through. Since my wedding I've have cancer, infertility, and big problems in the family with unemployment and horrible divorce. Maybe stuff like that just puts it all in perspective.

Hezzawithkids

Of all the friends and family members whose weddings I have either been to or been party to the arrangements for (e.g. sitting next to a bride to be at work as they plan), I can't name a single one who thought their day was perfect. We tend to do this to ourselves, we picture a day where everything goes to plan and everyone is happy, but our perception is that something somewhere has gone wrong and everyone has noticed and they're all blaming the bride. The reality is far removed from this.

22 years on, still going strong, and I still have negative thoughts about my wedding day but these are mostly down to my mother's behaviour and the lifelong issues that I have with her. True there were all kinds of little niggly things didn't work which looking back, just don't matter any more. For example, the venue told us at the last minute that the DJ we booked couldn't make it and his replacement hadn't been given our playlist; as a result our first dance was done to something completely bizarre and so far removed from our taste in music it was outrageous. Yes it felt like a disaster at the time but today whenever OH & I hear the "wrong" song on the radio we look at each other and smile. We had a brilliant official photographer and one of my brothers borrowed a camcorder for the day. Trouble was that as the day progressed he got so p*ssed that the film got increasingly blurred and I had to get a friend to edit out some of his commentary! But on that film we have preserved forever the images of a number of relatives and friends that have now passed away, including my Dad and my MIL.

OH recently described our wedding day as the best day of his life, so as far as I'm concerned, and in spite of all the things that could have ruined it for me, it was for me too.

OP I'm not saying you are wrong to feel the way you do, you can't help it and as it was so recent you are still reacting and resonating with those emotions. BUT all the things you describe are cosmetic. In time you will look back and all you will remember is that you married the man you love and everyone you cared about was there to celebrate with you.

Poppops

I hated my wedding day. Nothing went wrong that anyone would have noticed, but I just didn't enjoy it.

I got really wrapped up in organising a perfect day for all our guests and never once thought that this wasn't what I wanted. I hated being the centre of attention and oddly was nervous to talk to friends and family I've known all my life. I remember spending quite a lot of time standing in the foyer not knowing what to do.

I love my husband very much but if I were to become single I wouldn't do it again and have already told my son and his fiancee that when they marry they must think only of what they want.

Maybe you felt the same and just hadn't realised it OP?