I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

choccybuttons

Go on groupon, you can always get professional photo deals.

Then allow yourself some pamper time before the shoot, get your nails done, have a facial ect. Perhaps get your make up done, again you can get good deals in department stores.

One nice photo for your sittingroom wall is all you need. If you don't the photos will always irritate you

sooty&sweep

Hi
I'm seeing lots of what you felt went wrong but no mention of what (you felt) went right.
I too have got a long list of what I felt went wrong at my wedding but to be honest I try not to think about those.
I try to focus on what I felt went well with my wedding and all the good memories I have of my day.
Jen

rachiibell

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Im still thinking of the pro photos, because I love my medieval dress and want something that reflects the whole idea behind our wedding - the photos would be under the tree where I proposed to him, 2 fields from our house.

That's a lovely idea and would make some wonderful, meaningful photos

MrSmartprice

Reading this thread has convinced me more than ever that people really do put far too much importance into this idea of a perfect day and disregard not only the cost but also what is reasonable and achievable. The more there is to go wrong, the greater the likelihood of disappointment.

I believe the odious 'wedding industry' are instrumental in selling a vision which they actually will never deliver. Life is not a film set and people are not bottomless money pits. But look at what some wedding items cost and it is utter extortion. Who in their right mind would ever pay £50-100 per head for a meal where there is no choice and quality is little better than canteen standard? But people do for weddings.

Much of it, I believe, is trying to do what people tell everyone they 'should' do, or even people trying to outdo each other. I have heard of some ludicrous frippery at weddings, such as owls flying in with the rings, or wishing wells - what is that rubbish all about?

The most important thing is that the bride and groom enjoy the day with their friends. Keep the event small and only invite close friends and immediate family if you want to avoid rows and crazy expense. We did, there were 10 of us at the Register Office and for afternoon tea and we had a brilliant day. Most people didn't know we were married until afterwards. I can really recommend it!

TopQuark

MrSmartprice wrote: »

Reading this thread has convinced me more than ever that people really do put far too much importance into this idea of a perfect day and disregard not only the cost but also what is reasonable and achievable. The more there is to go wrong, the greater the likelihood of disappointment.

I believe the odious 'wedding industry' are instrumental in selling a vision which they actually will never deliver. Life is not a film set and people are not bottomless money pits. But look at what some wedding items cost and it is utter extortion. Who in their right mind would ever pay £50-100 per head for a meal where there is no choice and quality is little better than canteen standard? But people do for weddings.

Much of it, I believe, is trying to do what people tell everyone they 'should' do, or even people trying to outdo each other. I have heard of some ludicrous frippery at weddings, such as owls flying in with the rings, or wishing wells - what is that rubbish all about?

The most important thing is that the bride and groom enjoy the day with their friends. Keep the event small and only invite close friends and immediate family if you want to avoid rows and crazy expense. We did, there were 10 of us at the Register Office and for afternoon tea and we had a brilliant day. Most people didn't know we were married until afterwards. I can really recommend it!

I agree with almost all of your post. But sometimes it isn't really possible to keep the event very small - for you and your wife maybe but not for everyone. We got married on the 7th June this year. We have quite a large group of very good friends, most of whom have all know each other from school. It just would not have been possible to invite some and not others without causing upset and besides, we wanted our friends there to celebrate with us. Likewise for family; we are both fortunate to have great families who all get on well (and know many of our friends too), so we wanted them there. We were 85 in total.

I'm British and my OH is French and we married in the Provence in the South of France, where he is from. The wedding 'industry' there is not quite as developed as the rampant US-style in the UK, but it is starting. This means we managed to pay a lot less than in the UK and were also free to buy all our own wines directly from the vineyards choose our own caterer etc. We were able to go to the venue 2 days in advance to decorate ourselves, which saved quite a bit of cash.

Of course there were some little niggles on the day itself (it was 38C so I was sweating massively, I lost a button from the back of my dress, one of the guests fainted after a wasp sting at dinner, the cocktail was an hour late, broke my nails the day before putting decorations up, UK guests' coach went wrong way en route to reception etc etc.) but these all paled into insignificance to the rest of the event! The location was sublime, the food and drink excellent, the photographer brilliant, the DJ played until 6am when the dance floor was still full and the sun came up, and to top it all I was surrounded by my wonderful, smiling friends and family when I married my gorgeous soul-mate!

OP, I think you need to focus on the positives and try to forget about the negatives. There will be at least 1 photo that you like and can frame and the pro ones may well be great. As someone else said, it is amazing what you can do with photoshop - I can make my own average snaps almost pro-quality with it and it's not expensive or difficult to use. Our photographer told us we are photogenic, but I have nonetheless seen quite a few of the guests' pics on FB where I am gurning or look like I'm having a stroke, so it is completely normal. Even celebs look bad when caught off-guard.

I second the 'trash the dress' idea too, if you feel you can do it. If our photos are decent (from the sample few we've seen, it looks likely), I'm going to get our photographer to do this as I only paid 120 quid for my dress from China and although it is lovely, it is also quite dirty now and getting it cleaned will be more than its worth.

I know it's easier said than done but try to chill out about it and remember the staged, photoshopped images on Pinterest are not real, they are American creations posed by models for the wedding industry to emotionally blackmail you into feeling bad and parting with your cash. Ignore it! Your day was special and unique to you; how you choose to remember it is up to you too.

Laconic

One of the few useful things I learned in Catholic school was the concept of liminal events. Liminal -- from the same root as lintel -- refers to a threshold event, one that you metaphorically pass through to get from one state (or room) to another. Birth, getting confirmed, graduating, getting married, dying... they're all liminal events -- they may be dramatic, pleasant, unpleasant but they're just lines in your life -- what's important is the change of status, not the threshold. The industry that encourages people to fixate on the lintel rather than the room has a lot to answer for.

If your wedding had gone without a hitch save for not ending up legally married (if for example the registrar messed up), your liminal event would have been a sham and you'd be totally right to be upset and wanting a redo because nothing was actually *done*. On the other hand, if everything had gone really, really wrong -- your dress got paint-splashed by yobs on your way, your guests fought, the food was off, but you did get legally married, then it's a success. Thankfully, neither of this is true.

So this line in your life is a little crooked -- so's everyone else's. No amount of fussing over it will change the change in status it signifies. Move on and look forward to the next one (which I hope will still be pleasant).

yessie1209

tea_lover wrote: »

Flipping heck, get over it woman! You're married to the man you love, you spent the day celebrating with your family and friends and you have a lifetime together to look forward to.... but instead of enjoying that you're stressing about a couple of photos that you'll never even look at again. You're wasting what should be a really special time.

Have to agree. I can sympathise that being disappointed on your wedding day was a bit heartbreaking but there's always so much pressure leading up to events like that that they are guaranteed to be an anti climax. Your idea of having photos done again is nice, especially if it's something you want as a keepsake.

My parents had a video made of their wedding which we coincidentally dug out the other day. My mum spent the entire time criticizing everything until my dad pointed out that the only thing he cared or was thinking about on that day was her. (Certainly put her in her place!)

I'm an overly sensitive person anyway so my advice would be think about the positives, don't let one stressful day ruin any potential happy memories. You've got a future ahead with the man you love, that's a considerable amount more than most these days :grinheart

Hezzawithkids

bargainbetty wrote: »

Just had to add my story. My brother's MIL got quite drunk at my wedding, and wanted to throw confetti over me. Indoors, during the meal. When I asked her not to, she shoved a handful down the front of my dress, and her watch clasp ripped the lace on the bodice of my dress.

My best friend has a picture of me, pointing at the woman in all my stick-on-nail taloned glory, with my husband holding me back by the upper arms, at the exact moment a lip-reader would be able to tell which part of 'Get the **** away from me' I was saying.

My mate had it as a screen-saver on her computer for years. It's one of the funniest pictures I've ever had taken, and I was laughing about it before the end of the honeymoon. It's not like I was going to wear the dress again anyway!

That's the funniest thing I've read in ages! :rotfl::rotfl:
Friends of ours have a photo from their wedding that a guest took where she is looking radiant and happy and he is scowling down at the ring on his left hand! The photo has been blown up, framed and now has pride of place in their living room! :D

VictoriaAnne

Hi Beautiful Ravens, I've private messaged you.

geerex

Serious first world problems in this thread.

Next up: Waitrose have run out of fresh mint, can't make mojitos for Tamsins prom night - help!