I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

beautiful_ravens

Hi all.
Got married recently, and just woke at 3am to stressy thoughts about all the things that went wrong/I didnt like about my wedding day.
Im glad to be married to my lovely husand :A by the way, thats not the problem.

My hair was a disaster - the things we tried to do didnt work, then we ran out of time and I ended up looking like I hadnt even bothered to wash it because of the styling products and the extensions we put in, and the backcombing that just flopped.
I couldnt stop sweating and in all the photos I look shiny and fat. I didnt lose weight and my stomach looks bulgy despite the pointless 'control underwear' I had on.
When I arrived at the venue exactly on time[lol], the organiser of my ceremony 'hadnt turned up' and the other staff were franticly messing about not really knowing the original plan, and they thought I was a bridesmaid when I got there and asked me where the bride was. The registrar asked me why I was early even though she also agreed I was on time [I dont get that part]. I never had time to do my nails, I didnt even give them a coat of nail varnish.
I hate having my photo taken and there were about 50 cameras pointed at me and my messy hair.
My stomach turns when I think of all the terrible photos that must be floating around. Our friend did the 'official' photos and a lot of them I dont like as Im making stupid faces because I dont have a standard 'camera smile'.
Hardly anyone got up and danced at the reception because we had our own music.
I cant believe so many things didnt go the way I wanted and that I didnt really enjoy my day, I just felt uncomfortable, ill, hot and stressed.

The only thing Ive thought of to try and rectify any this is get a proper photographer to take some decent photos in the wedding clothes, at a location of my choice, but without the stress of the day around us. Otherwise I feel quite down and dont know how to be more positive about it.

cheepskate_2

It looks like your organizational skills were a bit lacking thus you had music you didn't like. Hair , nails that went wrong.
Some people planning a wedding go over and over the details, so this doesn't happen.
What is done is done and cannot be changed, you can only look forward and getting the photos redone will give you the nice photos but will never be the same.
I always think there is so much effort put into the wedding by brides, but so little effort into the marriage. You are happy with your husband, thats the main part.

jetplane

I bet you've been focusing on all the negative things and not the positive. Hopefully writing them down on here may help rid you of those thoughts. And now you can write down all of the good things which you may have forgotton about.

Many weddings seem to be so planned and the photos staged that its easy for things to go wrong, and the more planning the more there is to to go wrong. In these days of social media there are unflattering photos of us at every occasion. You could try recreating the event and airbrushing the photos or you could try and relax, stop looking at your stomach and remember what it feels like to be married to your lovely husband.

At my wedding there were quite a few things that went wrong, important things including a surprise which made me cry so that my make up smeared and I walked in red eyed, a key person missing the ceremony, the meal being delayed, a little bridesmaid who took her dress off and I'm sure there was more. However we had a fabulous day because all that really mattered was us.

Our guests said they had a great time and I hope they did, I am grateful that they shared our happy day with us. But 20 something years later the lasting memory we have is how we felt about each other that day, not how we looked or what went wrong, and we still think we had a great day.

Snakey

Hi Raven. That sucks that your wedding wasn't everything you hoped after you did so much to make sure it went smoothly!

Your friends and family came along to have a nice day out, catch up with one another, and see you getting married to the man you love. All of which happened - nothing went wrong for them - all the things you've listed affected only you and nobody else.

For the most part, the only reason anyone took photos of you is because that's what people do at weddings. I think it's more of a habit than anything else. In these modern days of digital photography most photos never even get printed for a physical album, much less put on display around the house. The chances are, nobody's even going to look at them again. For everyone else in the world, your wedding is over and now you are married and they are thinking no more about it.

I hate having my photo taken and this is mainly because I am so un-photogenic it's untrue, and looking at photos of myself depresses me (on a bad day) because I realise they can't all be bad shots - this is probably just what I look like. On the upside, all my friends have known this "secret" all along and still like me.

I suspect that you're the only one who's thinking "OMG look how sweaty I am". Most people will just think "oh, that's Raven and Mr Raven on their wedding day".

If you want something to put on your own mantelpiece, find the best one there is and then frame it with a nice one from the honeymoon and one from your engagement (or your first Christmas together or whatever) and make a display of all three so that the wedding one isn't so prominent. Or just go and get some professional ones done with your husband that are nothing to do with the wedding.

burnoutbabe

I'd get some photos redone by a pro at the wedding venue when you feel happier.

A professional would, I assume, tell you to smile differently (and take a few until you relaxed), how to maybe pose so you look thinner (or minimize whatever you are uncomfy with) and also tone down the colours in photos so you don't glow (or pull you aside to say "maybe you should touch up foundation to remove glow).
Your friend sounds a bit useless as a wedding photographer.

So a reshoot on a nice cool day sounds like a good idea, and like it would make you happier. You can also ask no one to post pictures of the wedding online until you have posted "the official ones".

picklekin

As another said, what's done is done. I would try and forget about it and enjoy your marriage with your lovely husband. I had my Dad take my pictures on my day, and I've only looked at them twice! Its only ONE DAY out of your whole lives together, and people really make way to much of it. I'm sure other people thought the day went fine, people assume that day will be "perfect" but perfection is really impossible.

justme111

I had a friend who had all perfect on her wedding . Lost weight , good photo's , lovely desert and speaches etc etc
2 years down the line they split in an acrimonious divorce and she had a stress of her life with it. Wedding flowers and framed photos got binned , presents sold out. What matters is how you live and feel after.

tea_lover

Flipping heck, get over it woman! You're married to the man you love, you spent the day celebrating with your family and friends and you have a lifetime together to look forward to.... but instead of enjoying that you're stressing about a couple of photos that you'll never even look at again. You're wasting what should be a really special time.

balletshoes

really, honestly, this is not worth getting stressed out over - for all the reasons already mentioned. If you really want to, go get some professional photos done in your wedding attire (loads of people do ) and then get on with your life together.

January20

I'm sorry but I have to agree with tea lover here! Get over it! You sounds spoilt! Marriage is so much more than the wedding day and if you keep concentrating on the negatives of your wedding day, you will spoil your marriage.

NoAngel

I bet every bride has things they wish had gone differently- for me it is different (more) bridesmaids, different hair... and about 20 other things! To be honest, none of that has mattered and we've been married for almost 2 years now.

I'd recommend putting your dress back on, getting your hair, nails and make up done and going off for professional photos at a stunning location. This may make up for some of it.

You can't go back and change the day, but you can get your photos done before it's too late to bother.