I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

Caroline_a

Even if it went perfectly, in 20 years time you would look back on the fashions and think 'My goodness what was I thinking of?!'

Weddings these days seem to be more like a film performance with multiple takes needed and daft rehearsed dances (I've seen some real horrors of these!). When will today's brides realise that it isn't about the wedding, it's about the marriage!!

Pollycat

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Otherwise I feel quite down and dont know how to be more positive about it.

Are you sure you're not feeling this way because - after such intensive planning over a (probably) prolonged period of time - it's all such an anti-climax now the wedding is over?

Obviously, I've not seen your photos but I bet most (if not all of) guests thought you looked lovely.
And just because people didn't get up and dance doesn't mean they didn't have a great time.

I'd try to concentrate on the positive points of the day itself and the fact that you are happy with your new husband.
Otherwise this 'down' feeling may start to affect your relationship.

bluebeary

i bet you looked amazing and as long as everyone had a darn good time, nobody got too drunk or fell out then it was a great success that everyone will remember with fond and very happy memories

enjoy being married and stop worrying about things that nobody even noticed

ask your guests, im sure theyll tell you how fantastic they thought it was

Errata

You can't change the past, forget it and concentrate on your hudsband and marriage because that's the important thing.

aileth

As Errata says, and I also doubt there is a single bride who thinks theirs went 'perfect.'

I also had a bit of a hair disaster, I had a hairstylist come and we had done a trial ofc, I chose not to use extensions to 'bulk' out my very fine hair, and in the photographs my hair is so fine it looks like I'm bald and have used a permanent marker!!

Also on the day it was REALLY sunny, so much so that in every single wedding photo we had everybody was squinting badly. We tried different spots, but it didn't help, even in the shade, because of the angle the sun was coming from. I was mortified when we first got the photos but now I look back at it and laugh.

Also, I ordered one of these wedding 'curtain' type things with the fairy lights running through to cover up an unsightly doorway in our otherwise lovely venue. However, due to me not being organised, I didn't check how big it was. Turns out it was about 12 feet long and only covered up half of it, which looked even worse than no covering it all!!! When I walked in the room, I could've cried, but now looking back I have no one to blame but myself and I just roll my eyes!

I also didn't consider about chair covers, that there'd be more chairs in the evening, so on the photos of the evening do there's half with them on and half with them off, which again I was mortified about. This again was due to my organisation, but I would've appreciated if the wedding planner (they had a substitute as mine was off sick) had asked me if I wanted them removing!

Lots of petty things, but they meant a lot to me on the day. Looking back though I laugh at some of them, and I'm sure you will to. As others have said, the marriage is what matters, and without that you wouldn't have even been getting your hair done. Focus on your new life together and have a laugh if the photos come back bad.

photome

Can I ask why women on their wedding day often have their hair done different to they have ever had it before?

This can obviuosly lead to the disappointment of not liking it themselves but it usually leads to no one recognizing them on their wedding day.

I dont get it.

On my wedding day my wife did the same. Now I like her hair as it is, of course she changes it every now and again but not as drastically as she did on her wedding day (which i didnt like).

At least if you are going to do something drastic with it, try it out first a few months before hand.

All of the above is just my opinion

DigForVictory

Every time I need a laugh, I get out the wedding album. Or a cry. There are some lovely photos in there & some which I still flinch a bit at, fifteen years later.

Our excuse is we were novices at this getting married lark - my whole family hadn't ever organised a wedding before & thus we committed tactical, sartorial & routine howlers time after time (I darn nearly married with my "diving" watch still on my wrist, as a minor example.)

We had a grand fun day, years later we're still married & all the gruesome photos? Helped other family friends learn from our mistakes. If they were ever printed - most of my camera wielding mates have a powerful "I goofed, I delete" policy.

You can always get a couple of postwedding shots taken for Official Release if it's really worrying you, but I found the whole "being married" bit more than outweighed the bruises left by "the day".

quidsy

So glad I did the whole overseas registry office, no withnesses, no guests, no dress, no party, no cake, not a single photo. But you know what 11 years down the line it makes not a jot of difference. A wedding day doesn't not make a marriage. We have a marriage, a partnership, a life together that isnt affected in any way shape or form over the one single day we made it legal. The being legal part was important to us, not the how.

Unless you want to create a rift in your relationship stop caring about what you looked like on the day & the things that went wrong. Focus on creating a marriage with the man you presumably love & who quite clearly gave no !!!!!! about your hair, nails, registrar nonesense at all cause he still said I do.

Errata

If you try to recreate a better version with a photo of how you looked on your wedding day it will only serve to reinforce your feelings of how you feel about how you looked on the day. Move on, life's too short and if you're unhappy about it your OH will know and it will spoil his memories of his wedding day

thorsoak

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Hi all.
Got married recently, and just woke at 3am to stressy thoughts about all the things that went wrong/I didnt like about my wedding day.
Im glad to be married to my lovely husand :A by the way, thats not the problem.

My hair was a disaster - the things we tried to do didnt work, then we ran out of time and I ended up looking like I hadnt even bothered to wash it because of the styling products and the extensions we put in, and the backcombing that just flopped.
I couldnt stop sweating and in all the photos I look shiny and fat. I didnt lose weight and my stomach looks bulgy despite the pointless 'control underwear' I had on.
When I arrived at the venue exactly on time[lol], the organiser of my ceremony 'hadnt turned up' and the other staff were franticly messing about not really knowing the original plan, and they thought I was a bridesmaid when I got there and asked me where the bride was. The registrar asked me why I was early even though she also agreed I was on time [I dont get that part]. I never had time to do my nails, I didnt even give them a coat of nail varnish.
I hate having my photo taken and there were about 50 cameras pointed at me and my messy hair.
My stomach turns when I think of all the terrible photos that must be floating around. Our friend did the 'official' photos and a lot of them I dont like as Im making stupid faces because I dont have a standard 'camera smile'.
Hardly anyone got up and danced at the reception because we had our own music.
I cant believe so many things didnt go the way I wanted and that I didnt really enjoy my day, I just felt uncomfortable, ill, hot and stressed.

The only thing Ive thought of to try and rectify any this is get a proper photographer to take some decent photos in the wedding clothes, at a location of my choice, but without the stress of the day around us. Otherwise I feel quite down and dont know how to be more positive about it.

Oh for heaven's sake! Get over yourself woman :rotfl::rotfl: I laughed as I read this - none of it matters at all - you're married to the man you love and that's what matters.

What mattered to my friend was the fact that her father had a heart attack as he took her down the aisle - and he collapsed and died there and then. Her mother insisted that the wedding went on as he would have wanted it. Their wedding day is something that they look back on with sadness.