I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

Person_one

This is madness, surely this can't be real? Waking up at 3am with 'stressy thoughts' because you didn't get time to put nail polish on and it was a bit warmer than you'd like? I hate to sound condescending here, but these are not real problems and I can only assume you've never had anything in your life that's caused you genuine stress or distress if you can get so worked up about something so trivial.

Partly this is the fault of the wedding industry, I bet you've been sold this idea of 'one perfect day' so much you started to believe it was actually possible to guarantee that you would have a perfect day, that you had a God-given right to a perfect day and that its a disaster because it wasn't. That's just not true! Little things go wrong, that's life, but you don't have a time machine to fix them and in the grand scheme of things they don't remotely matter anyway.

How to cope? Cope by giving yourself a good shake and having a strong word with yourself to stop being silly. Look at your husband and remember that committing to spend the rest of your life with him was actually the point of the day, not hair or nails or photographs, and presumably that most important bit went according to plan?

Morglin

At the end of the day, your actual wedding day is trivial in the great scheme of things - you got married, I assume, to the person you love and want to spend your life with.

That's the important thing - not the day itself.

If it's that important, leave it a few years, have a blessing where you can dress up again, have a ceremony, and have a party.

Lin

cazziebo

I'm sorry you're disappointed in your special day.

However, bet lots of things did go well? Maybe people weren't dancing because they were having a good time chatting? The guests didn't all get cold and soaked. Did you get the wording of the vows right?

At my cousin's wedding, the MC announced the happy couple as "be upstanding for Wendy and David - my cousin's name is James, the bride's ex (and as it later became apparent, not so ex) was called David.

Don't over think how you looked. I've no idea why some brides go to extraordinary lengths for their appearance on the wedding day. I'm sure no one noticed the nails, hair, etc etc but did notice how in love you are with your husband. That's where the beauty comes from.

I would pursue the planner who seems to have messed up. That's just bad event management.

But really, in the grand scheme of things, it's the marriage that matters, the wedding is just a day.

Georgiegirl256

January20 wrote: »

I'm sorry but I have to agree with tea lover here! Get over it! You sounds spoilt!.

Oh come on now, that's just mean. :cool: You're either not married yourself, or everything went more or less as you wanted it to for your Wedding?

Some people are just natural worriers or they at least wanted their big day to have a semblance of things going smoothly. I know in the real world, these things don't always happen, but I can see why the OP would be upset, everyone wants to look their best on their a Wedding day and be a beautiful bride. Which I'm sure she was, but you don't always see it yourself.

I do however agree with you (in a more polite way!) that she needs to try and rise above it all, what's done is done, so she should try and forget about it and concentrate on her marriage now.

I was told I was one of the most laid back brides and looking back, I was....too laid back I think. Looking back there's a few things I would change, and for quite a while afterwards I would think about them and wish I could change them but then realised what's the point? But I'm sure a lot of brides look back and wish they could've changed things though.

Syrah

It can be a big anti climax, getting married. You spend months looking at magazines, websites, getting ideas off Pinterest etc and we build it up in our minds to be this amazing, perfect day from a Hollywood movie. Someone needs to tell brides that it's not like that in real life! My bouquet disintergrated as I walked down the aisle, my sister's bridesmaid got bored in the reception and left, my cousin's best man did a runner cos he didn't want to do a speech, my best friend's cake was eaten by the catering staff... I could go on and on. Who cares? We all married the men we love and that's all that matters.
Oh and our wedding photos? I've probably looked at them 4 times in the 11 years we've been married! Just enjoy being a "newlywed" x

purpleshoes_2

Person_one wrote: »

This is madness, surely this can't be real? Waking up at 3am with 'stressy thoughts' because you didn't get time to put nail polish on and it was a bit warmer than you'd like? I hate to sound condescending here, but these are not real problems and I can only assume you've never had anything in your life that's caused you genuine stress or distress if you can get so worked up about something so trivial.

Partly this is the fault of the wedding industry, I bet you've been sold this idea of 'one perfect day' so much you started to believe it was actually possible to guarantee that you would have a perfect day, that you had a God-given right to a perfect day and that its a disaster because it wasn't. That's just not true! Little things go wrong, that's life, but you don't have a time machine to fix them and in the grand scheme of things they don't remotely matter anyway.

How to cope? Cope by giving yourself a good shake and having a strong word with yourself to stop being silly. Look at your husband and remember that committing to spend the rest of your life with him was actually the point of the day, not hair or nails or photographs, and presumably that most important bit went according to plan?

I agree on the one perfect day comment. Some of the threads on the weddings board actually scare me.

Surely its about being with the person you love. Not about hair or nails. If you know you are getting married well enough in advance which most people know they are, you have time to sort out your hair, nails, weight (although I know sometimes that is easier said than done).

People wont care about nail varnish. I think someone else said that some brides get a low time after the day is over, all that preparation and then its done, sounds like that.

lazywife

First of all congratulations on getting married. The marriage is what truly matters, not the wedding.
I think it's a shame your friend was doing the photos without the prof. photographer knowledge. It sounds like she didn't manage to focus on the best bits, just captured it "as it was" which doesn't always match the wedding day dreams. I have hideous photos of our wedding, me pulling a silly face mid conversation and striking an odd pose whilst doing a dance, these are banished to only remain in my memory as no one else will remember them the same way I would. Luckily we have some lovely pictures of our wedding too (6yrs ago), however they are in an album, at the back of the wardrobe and we don't have one out on display at all... we have the little cake topper models on the book shelf and our signature frame on the wall (with a photo of our invitation and rings)... my DH has the opinion that we were both there, so why do we need a photo to show that!?!?!!
Your nails can't be that much of an issue as it would have been a major thing to paint them. I am a nail biter, grew mine especially and it was always a focus to get them painted nice for the day. I'll bet your hair looked fine, maybe not the extra special hair that you wanted on the day, but remember your DH sees you with greasy bedhair. He's not fussed whether your nails were done and if your hair looked odd. And if a wedding day isn't about pleasing him, what is it about?
As for the comments by the registrar, and the lack of organiser, i have to say I do think get over it. The wedding still happened.
If you want some lovely pictures, what I would suggest is to get all the originals from your friend, used a photo editing software and crop, blur the edges, black and white as many pics that are suitable. The pictures I have as favourites are a far away photo in the church where you can't see my face, let alone if it's shiny and a close up of the rings. If you want, get a professional shoot in your dress with your DH, but I personally wouldn't bother. I think you need to get your head round your day being a happy event rather than trying to get some good pics.
Get a little notebook and write down all the good things about your day. Your beautiful dress, the features of it you liked, the sparkles around the top, the lace up back, the lace panel? Whatever it may be. (not necessarily you felt fab in it, but I bet on the morning of your wedding when you saw your dress hung up, you wanted to stroke it and had never got to wear anything as special as that before... or since) The look your DH gave you at some point during the day, when you realised your husband and wife. Your guests all making the effort to be a part of your day. All the other lovely things, there must be more positives. Then maybe make up a photobook with each of those positives on a page with a photo to capture that thought, rather than the posed, perfect photos you'd thought of.
Phew long reply, sorry.
Remember you may have had one day that didn't fill you with joy, but a lifetime of happiness with your husband will make that pale into insignificance.
L.xxx

Transformers

Caroline_a wrote: »

Weddings these days seem to be more like a film performance with multiple takes needed and daft rehearsed dances (I've seen some real horrors of these!). When will today's brides realise that it isn't about the wedding, it's about the marriage!!

I agree. I cringe when I hear about the planning and the detail some brides go into.

All they focus on is the 'special day' with no thought about being married afterwards. It's like they're playing at being a princess for the day.

purpleshoes wrote: »

I agree on the one perfect day comment. Some of the threads on the weddings board actually scare me.

Some brides can be very self centred to the point where it's embarrassing to watch.

As to the OP thinking about getting some new photos taken-why? That's just so false.

The day came and went. The photos reflect what went on. Get over it.

You are married to the person you chose to marry - surely that is the most important thing to remember? Isn't it?

jaylee3

Why are some people on here being so mean to the OP?

This may sound trivial to SOME, but obviously it's a big deal to HER! Give her a break. For some girls/women, her wedding day is one of the most important days of her life, (even if YOU don't give a rat's a$$ about it, or weddings or marriage mean nothing to you,) and when it goes wrong and it wasn't what she expected, it is upsetting.

But of course, all the 'get over it you silly girl' and 'you sound spoiled' kind of comments just HAVE to surface from people, along with comments like 'wait til you have something REAL to worry about!' If something is upsetting someone, no matter HOW trivial it may seem to others, it IS a big deal. Stop being so mean to her.

To the OP, I echo what others have suggested, get a professional photographer (or someone with a good camera!) to take the pictures again, put your dress on again (maybe lose a stone if you feel fat,) and do your hair as you normally would: don't try any fancy new styles as many women do (as someone pointed out earlier in the thread.) And then see if you can get a few of your close family and friends together for a few hours, and get the pics taken again.

I am sorry that it wasn't what you expected. As some on here have said though; many brides feel this way. Don't worry about what can't be undone though; just try and re-do it sometime soon.

I do have a feeling though that a few years in the future this 'not-so-perfect' wedding day will not matter so much to you. And I do agree with what a few people have said about how people do invest so much into their wedding day, (that is; energy, time, and money,) and they expect so much from it, and so disappointment is inevitable for many.

Just feel blessed that you have found someone who loves you. Many don't ever find that. But yes, do get it redone if you are so unhappy about it all.

fufu_banterwaite

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

I couldnt stop sweating and in all the photos I look shiny and fat. I didnt lose weight and my stomach looks bulgy despite the pointless 'control underwear' I had on.

Why didn't you lose some weight?