I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

Counting_Pennies_2

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

The only thing Ive thought of to try and rectify any this is get a proper photographer to take some decent photos in the wedding clothes, at a location of my choice, but without the stress of the day around us. Otherwise I feel quite down and dont know how to be more positive about it.

In response to specifics I think it is a very good idea to have some professional photos taken at a different time.


In terms of your disappointment about your wedding day, I wonder if you organised an event that just wasn't you. Were you trying to conform to an ideal of what a wedding should be?


A wedding day, is exactly that, it is a day. You should not worry about it any more. You have the rest of your lives ahead of you and you should be looking forward not back.


I wonder if there are any other underlying issues. It sounds like you felt out of control, that things were happening to you. Do you have general control issues, do you feel you have to be perfect or nothing is right? Are you generally stressed, would it have helped if you had been more planned, getting a professional to do hair and makeup and nails (arranging appointments in your local area, not massively expensive professionals) Having practice runs? If that would have helped, then put it in practice with future events you run, perhaps the Christening of your first child.


If you were too organised and it all fell apart, perhaps find a way to accept not everything is perfect, and try to see it is possible to still have a good time, and not be stressed by going along with what you have.


Either way see this as a positive learning experience. It will help you cope in the future, and realise not everything in life has to be perfect, and find a way to cope when things don't go quite to plan.


A wedding day might seem the most important day of your life, but actually it is just the start. You may have many curve balls thrown at you in the years to come, and this is the time to take positives out of it and learn from experiences


hth

purpleshoes_2

jaylee3 wrote: »

Why are some people on here being so mean to the OP?

This may sound trivial to SOME, but obviously it's a big deal to HER! Give her a break. For some girls/women, her wedding day is one of the most important days of her life, (even if YOU don't give a rat's a$$ about it, or weddings or marriage mean nothing to you,) and when it goes wrong and it wasn't what she expected, it is upsetting. But of course, all the 'get over it you silly girl' and 'you sound spoiled' kind of comments just HAVE to surface from people, along with comments like 'wait til you have something REAL to worry about!' Stop being so bloody spiteful!

To the OP, I echo what others have suggested, get a professional photographer (or someone with a good camera!) to take the pictures again, put your dress on again (maybe lose a stone if you feel fat,) and do your hair as you normally would: don't try any fancy new styles as many women do (as someone pointed out earlier in the thread.) And then see if you can get a few of your close family and friends together for a few hours, and get the pics taken again.

I am sorry that it wasn't what you expected. As some on here have said though; many brides feel this way. Don't worry about what can't be undone though; just try and re-do it sometime soon.

I do have a feeling though that a few years in the future this 'not-so-perfect' wedding day will not matter so much to you.

Just feel blessed that you have found someone who loves you. Many don't ever find that. But yes, do get it redone if you are so unhappy about it all.

Disagreeing with someone doesn't necessarily mean people are being spiteful.

Errata

When brides turn into barking mad women I wonder what their HTB think of them.

msb5262

cheepskate wrote: »

It looks like your organizational skills were a bit lacking thus you had music you didn't like. Hair , nails that went wrong.
Some people planning a wedding go over and over the details, so this doesn't happen.

Is it just me or does this sound like quite a rude remark to the OP?
You can plan details until you're blue in the face and things still don't necessarily go according to plan.
I agree that the marriage is far more important than the wedding, but comments like the one above are not necessary.

tea_lover

jaylee3 wrote: »

Why are some people on here being so mean to the OP?

It's not mean to tell someone to get some perspective. If I said something like the OP to any of my friends or family after my wedding they'd have told me to get a ruddy grip... and they'd have been right.

Saying "I'm not keen on my wedding photos, shall we get some professional ones taken" is one thing, but to ask how to cope... seriously?? Cope by calling your new husband and telling him you love him and are so excited to be married to him.

ciderwithrosie_2

Our wedding was a true budget one - I was 28 weeks pregnant, my best friend (acting as bridesmaid, even though it was the registry office) was 22 weeks pregnant. Couldn't afford or find a proper wedding dress that fit me and it was the end of November - ended up having a two piece outfit made in grey velvet, I looked like a battleship and my hairstyle was all wrong and the beautician had pinched my eyebrow with the tweezers the day before and I had a mark there! Everyone was pretty much in grey as it was the late 80s, apart from bridesmaid who was in fuchsia pink (dress she already had).


My mum came down with flu on the day and struggled through the wedding and reception. They invited some of my more distant relatives, I didn't want there in the first place.


I had to do mum's and my bridesmaid's make-up before my own, so mine was all rushed.


Hubby got my name all wrong during the ceremony, didn't want to pose for photos and then had a diabetic hypo on the way to the reception.


The promised, sit down cold buffet (bowls and platters on each table for people to help themselves) was plain and measly portions and they took the cake away to cut up, there should have been plenty, but a lot of people said they never got any, so I don't know what they did with it.


Anyway....3 kids later and we're celebrating our silver wedding this year. It's the life you build together that's the most important bit, not one overpriced, overhyped day.


Even the best planned weddings, stuff goes wrong, look how awful Princess Di's dress looked when she got to Westminster Abbey, so much creased fabric, like she'd slept in it, then she got his name wrong, and the whole world was watching that one!

supersaver2

purpleshoes wrote: »

Disagreeing with someone doesn't necessarily mean people are being spiteful.

Nope but calling them spoilt and telling them 'to get over themselves' isn't very nice.

Congratulations on your marriage and sorry it didn't go to plan. Weddings can be very expensive so you do want things to go as well as possible.

My brother was married at the start of May last year and everything that could go wrong, did go wrong. They were both very dejected at the time, but as time moves on it stops being a big deal and you will stop worrying about it.

Good luck to you and your husband and if you are a natural born worrier try rescue remedy, my wife could worry for Britain and these do really help.

jaylee3

tea_lover wrote: »

It's not mean to tell someone to get some perspective. If I said something like the OP to any of my friends or family after my wedding they'd have told me to get a ruddy grip... and they'd have been right.

Saying "I'm not keen on my wedding photos, shall we get some professional ones taken" is one thing, but to ask how to cope... seriously?? Cope by calling your new husband and telling him you love him and are so excited to be married to him.

But it IS a big deal to the OP, and neither you or anyone else has the right to tell her what specific things in her life, should and should not be upsetting her. Just because something is not a big deal to YOU, that doesn't give you the right to have a go at someone else if that same thing upsets them. People are different. It does my head in if someone gets upset about something and someone has a go at them for being stupid or silly, because that thing wouldn't upset them, and they put them down for it, like they're a fool.

And some people have been very spiteful on this thread. There is simply no need for it. What right does anyone have to say how upset someone should be about ANYthing?!

hazyjo

Can you try to laugh about the 'disasters' (and, really, really-really are they even that?!).

I forgot my flowers (not actual flowers, more of a crystal/metal bouquet) (for me and bridesmaids).

I cried through the ceremony and came up extremely blotchy on my neck and chest. It rained a bit too so I had little dots over my dress in the pics.

We both got very drunk and barely spoke to anyone other than our own friends (barely spoke to each other as too busy having a good time!). I introduced two of my parents' friends as another couple of their friends as I just couldn't recognise them through my alcohol-induced haze (I've known them for years but my brain stopped working).

My husband didn't say anything nice about me in his speech. Nothing about how I looked, how proud he was to have me as his wife, what work I/we'd done to make it a nice wedding, absolutely NOTHING. Yes, it wound me up and got brought up later, but it didn't spoil the actual day.

I wasn't at all happy with my dress and also felt fat and horrible. That's my hang-ups though, not how everyone else saw me.

Hated my hair. My friend's daughter did it - we'd had a practice run which went okay, but it was awful on the day and I was rushed off my feet at the end despite having had a lazy morning with hours and hours spare and everything was disastrous.

Unfortunately didn't end well as we got divorced(!), but at the time, and even now, I still think we had the best wedding ever, despite all that went wrong and how uncomfortable I felt!

Are you usually a very in control sort of person? It is very easy to feel out of control on our wedding day. It's like these things go on round you that you cannot control - you may have organised them, but you're still entrusting loads of other people to do them.

Jx

catkins

My wedding day wasn't perfect but then I never bought into the "happiest day of your life" rubbish. If your wedding day is the happiest day of your life then the rest of it afterwards seems almost pointless.


Me and OH had a small register office wedding as that is what we wanted. Despite being the middle of June it was freezing and you can see in the photos how cold some people were (luckily I chose to wear a suit so wasn't too bad).


I absolutely hate having my photo taken and didn't even want a photographer but MIL insisted! The photos are actually pretty good but over 30 years on I am not even sure where the album is! I think we looked through the album maybe 4 times in the first year or so. We have never had any wedding photos on display.


All I wanted from my wedding day was to marry the man I loved, the man I was going to spend the rest of my life with and I did. We have just celebrated our wedding anniversary and, despite some ups and downs along the way, we are still very happy and very much in love and that's not down to how fantastic or not our wedding day was