I didnt like my wedding day - how to cope

Person_one

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Thanks all for your helpful, and rude, replies - some funny, some sad, some useless. Im glad at least a few people know what Im talking about!

For the record we only had 2 grand to spend on our wedding so there were a lot of things we did ourselves, and a lot of work because of it, and Im not at all spoilt by the way, its one of the only times Ive spent money on basically useless things and I didnt want that to be a waste.

I am happy to be married to my great husband of course, and I wish I could have had my dream wedding [outside, at twilight, next to a bonfire - all impossible] so there were many compromises, and with that in mind I wanted the compromised edition to go well.

People keep showing me their pics and theres some really yukky ones of me caught in one of my rik mayall expressions that really make me cringe, I wish I could check everyone elses cameras!

I think as some have said, theres an element of 'what next' and a bit of a downer after all that planning and getting ready, and Ive also decided that going to someone elses wedding feels more wedding-y than being at your own..

I have spoken to my husband about this and he is fine with the idea of some other photos being done, he just wants me to feel happy, but perhaps some of you are right that it might be another waste, so Im not sure. I suppose I want some photos with a more professional effect to them rather than snapshots of me making silly faces!!

xx

Do you not think the overwhelming majority of the replies are worth considering then? Just the few that confirm your own feelings and ideas?

Artytarty

Lesson learned then eh? No more silly faces!
I don't think you sound spoiled at all by the way, just a bit taken aback at what you now realise yuo look like to other people.
Sorry you didn't have time for some of the details on the big day, but nothing can change it now.
FWIW, my bridesmaid stood on the edge of my dress and I kept on moving......I'll your imagination fill in the rest.photos weren't good, music poor and I could go on. That was in 1985. Does it still hurt?
Yeah, a teensy wee bit.

hazyjo

Are you really going to get out the wedding albums and look at photos that were taken afterwards at a later date?! What would you possibly have to say about them? I'd want to say 'aww look at old Aunt Ethel in the background there with her winter coat and hat on' or 'do you remember we were looking for the bridesmaid for that pic, only to find her snogging the best man round the corner' or 'we look so happy in that one...'.

I can't see the point of looking at a photo of yourselves that wasn't taken at your wedding. Just get a portrait photograph of you both in different attire if that's really what you want on your sideboard/wall.

I would be putting a shout-out to all my friends/family saying 'if anyone has any decent pics of me/us without me pulling a stupid face, please could you text/email/upload/post them to me as I may choose to get it put onto canvass/printed for a frame as we're not happy with the photographer's pics'.

Jx

jackieblack

hazyjo wrote: »

I would be putting a shout-out to all my friends/family saying 'if anyone has any decent pics of me/us without me pulling a stupid face, please could you text/email/upload/post them to me as I may choose to get it put onto canvass/printed for a frame as we're not happy with the photographer's pics'.

Yes, this was my first thought too ^^^^

jaylee3

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Thanks all for your helpful, and rude, replies - some funny, some sad, some useless. Im glad at least a few people know what Im talking about!

For the record we only had 2 grand to spend on our wedding so there were a lot of things we did ourselves, and a lot of work because of it, and Im not at all spoilt by the way, its one of the only times Ive spent money on basically useless things and I didnt want that to be a waste.

I am happy to be married to my great husband of course, and I wish I could have had my dream wedding [outside, at twilight, next to a bonfire - all impossible] so there were many compromises, and with that in mind I wanted the compromised edition to go well.

People keep showing me their pics and theres some really yukky ones of me caught in one of my rik mayall expressions that really make me cringe, I wish I could check everyone elses cameras!

I think as some have said, theres an element of 'what next' and a bit of a downer after all that planning and getting ready, and Ive also decided that going to someone elses wedding feels more wedding-y than being at your own..

I have spoken to my husband about this and he is fine with the idea of some other photos being done, he just wants me to feel happy, but perhaps some of you are right that it might be another waste, so Im not sure. I suppose I want some photos with a more professional effect to them rather than snapshots of me making silly faces!!

xx

I want to see the RIK MAYALL one! :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl: LOL, I'm kidding.

And hey, why could you not have had your wedding by a bonfire at twilight? Sounds nice to me, and pretty easy to pull off. You could have some pics taken when it's fairly light, then have the service outside, (by the bonfire,) and then come in and have the wedding do after.

I hope you find some peace with the pictures you get taken next. And as many have said - whether the rude and harsh ones OR the more diplomatic ones - don't worry too much, because you will be laughing about this in a few years time.

When you have the new pics taken, try to get a few spare 7" X 5"s to give to people to put in a frame maybe, and hopefully they will just put the original ones away in the loft! When they come out again in 20-25 years, you will pee yourself laughing at them - trust me! I have some blasted awful pics of me from 20 years back, and I think they're hilarious now!

And you know what? I reckon you don't even look that bloomin' bad on the pics!

Have a lovely marriage.

jaylee3

hazyjo wrote: »

Are you really going to get out the wedding albums and look at photos that were taken afterwards at a later date?! What would you possibly have to say about them? I'd want to say 'aww look at old Aunt Ethel in the background there with her winter coat and hat on' or 'do you remember we were looking for the bridesmaid for that pic, only to find her snogging the best man round the corner' or 'we look so happy in that one...'.

I can't see the point of looking at a photo of yourselves that wasn't taken at your wedding. Just get a portrait photograph of you both in different attire if that's really what you want on your sideboard/wall.

I would be putting a shout-out to all my friends/family saying 'if anyone has any decent pics of me/us without me pulling a stupid face, please could you text/email/upload/post them to me as I may choose to get it put onto canvass/printed for a frame as we're not happy with the photographer's pics'.

Jx

Very good points Jo, and a good idea in the last paragraph. All I will say though is that there is no harm in the OP getting some more pics done 'in addition' to what she already has. She can mix and match the pics a bit, and make a wedding album out of all the best pics.

Transformers

You're really on a downer aren't you?

You obviously feel you compromised over the wedding but that was your choice surely.

You could still exchange vows at twilight by a bonfire. In fact, why didn't you do that in the first place if that was your dream?

You don't need much to get that dream into a reality. Just use the bottom of your garden - or someone else's garden, build a fire, invite a small group to share and there you have it.

Plan it as an anniversary celebration or whatever.

Stop wallowing in the stuff you think went wrong and start thinking about the important stuff like the fact that life is happening now and you don't want to miss it.

WoodyAllenJesus

Just move on, it's just one day, in a few years you won't even look at the photos so forget about them now. Pick out a couple of lovely ones to have on display in your home if you want, but the rest don't matter. What matters is how you live afterwards.

I too had a terrible wedding day with terrible memories, but for different reasons. I lost weight, looked pretty good (for me!) and was in a gorgeous location abroad all tanned and healthy with beautiful photos. But my family let me down terribly and afterwards basically told me they had been nice to me because it was my wedding day but it was all fake. My dad actually sent me an awful letter about how 'wronged' he had felt on my wedding day and what a terrible daughter I was (I'd done certain things that weren't the way he would have wanted in a perfect world, I guess he forgot it was my day and thought it was his).

As a result I cannot look at the lovely photos because I know how fake everyone is being. I don't have a single photo of my wedding day in my house. It used to get me down a lot but now 7 years later I'm over it, although my relationship with my dad will never be the same.

I hope you can move on from the actual day and look toward the future

lostinrates

jaylee3 wrote: »

And hey, why could you not have had your wedding by a bonfire at twilight? Sounds nice to me, and pretty easy to pull off. You could have some pics taken when it's fairly light, then have the service outside, (by the bonfire,) and then come in and have the wedding do
....
Have a lovely marriage.

Agree with last sentiment wholeheartedly.

There are rules about when and where you get married ( time in uk had to be day time I think and the place needs to be licensed, this was difficult to explain to our American family too) The way round this is to nip to a register office for legalities the day before or the morning of , then have a 'ceremony' how you want it.

purpleshoes_2

beautiful_ravens wrote: »

Thanks all for your helpful, and rude, replies - some funny, some sad, some useless. Im glad at least a few people know what Im talking about!

For the record we only had 2 grand to spend on our wedding so there were a lot of things we did ourselves, and a lot of work because of it, and Im not at all spoilt by the way, its one of the only times Ive spent money on basically useless things and I didnt want that to be a waste.

I am happy to be married to my great husband of course, and I wish I could have had my dream wedding [outside, at twilight, next to a bonfire - all impossible] so there were many compromises, and with that in mind I wanted the compromised edition to go well.

People keep showing me their pics and theres some really yukky ones of me caught in one of my rik mayall expressions that really make me cringe, I wish I could check everyone elses cameras!

I think as some have said, theres an element of 'what next' and a bit of a downer after all that planning and getting ready, and Ive also decided that going to someone elses wedding feels more wedding-y than being at your own..

I have spoken to my husband about this and he is fine with the idea of some other photos being done, he just wants me to feel happy, but perhaps some of you are right that it might be another waste, so Im not sure. I suppose I want some photos with a more professional effect to them rather than snapshots of me making silly faces!!

xx

Many people get married with less than a two grand budget. Ive known people whove got married for a few hundred. Its not the money you spend that matters, if that was your budget that was your budget.

Some people aren't photogenic. Im certainly not, I have a few decent pics of me but there are also some really awful ones, if people catch you unawares on a photo then chances are even really photogenic people might look not as good as they do normally

As for the what next, just enjoy being married.