I've got a date tonight, going to her place, but I'm quite nervous. Advice?

Caroline_a

Is it just me, or does anybody else think that the OP would be far better using all this energy and time looking for a job?

kingslayer

StuC75 wrote: »

So with that much on her plate do you really think she's seeing lots of other people?

Too much of this has been going on in your heads alone rather than physical time together to ask what you're thinking..

I don't know. Like I said earlier, i'm inside my head A LOT of the time. I drive myself mad by the amount i over think situations.

kingslayer

Anatidaephobia wrote: »

I don't understand why you are being so judgemental and critical of minuscule things. You already know that she's shy and lacking in confidence yet when she tells you she didn't think you'd find her attractive, you wonder if she's playing mind games.

99% of your posts are like teenage speculation. These are the only things you know for sure:
- you had a good night on Saturday.
- she's been slow to reply to your texts.
That's it. And you've already explained that she has a busy life, kids to deal with, and cannot always reply quickly and easily.

Calm down and wait til she has time to talk to you. When you do talk, do it on the phone rather than texting.

It maybe seems like that way, but I don't see that I'm being judgemental, but if i am then I don't mean to be. It is only because my mind is a bit scrambled and I'm thinking too much. However, like i mentioned earlier, i am not the most experienced when it comes to dating, so sometimes i question every little thing, like you said.

kingslayer

Caroline_a wrote: »

Is it just me, or does anybody else think that the OP would be far better using all this energy and time looking for a job?

I have just started a volunteering job. I am just getting back into the swing of things work wise, so once i am, i am going to look for part time work locally.

Caroline_a

Why not full time? Surely better to earn fulltime rather than volunteer part time and work part time?

kingslayer

Caroline_a wrote: »

Why not full time? Surely better to earn fulltime rather than volunteer part time and work part time?

If full time work is available then sure. The reason I said part time is because many people in this area are turning to part time work as there isn't a lot of full time work available. If I could work two jobs 6 days a week then I would do, but it's just what's out there really.

I want to earn as much money as I can, as having been unemployed for a long time, I am fed up of spending time at home, I really wouldn't care about not spending much time at home, if it meant working more hours and earning more money.

I need to volunteer, though, so I can get some motivation and confidence back for the work place.

StuC75

This is the most relevant point and may be something that both are experiencing in this process.. Fill your time with other things to do so that not over analysing - since such thoughts will spiral either upwards (Making a fantasy where its more than that it is ~ for now) to downward spirals - all doubts of chatting and speaking to others.. ..

As Anatidaephobia says stick to what you know , fall back to that reality to keep yourself in 'check'.. maybe even talk about how this experience makes you feel with her.. online instant 'connections' and where then think you are more familiar with someone than actually are with new people can be daunting for some - but do be mindful of how you say what you mean. as that can count for more and is what people do actually pick up on..

Insecurities are easily harboured - compare the apps\msgs as say you met someone in a 'singles bar' on a night out and started seeing them with a view to see what develops - but then they knew that you were going to those bars still(but only because they walked in too).. would you willingly trust them from the start or would you be weary and wait for them to prove themselves...

kingslayer wrote: »

I don't know. Like I said earlier, i'm inside my head A LOT of the time. I drive myself mad by the amount i over think situations.

Morglin

Normal, wage guaranteed full time jobs are pretty thin on the ground, which is why the JC/government force people into pretending to be self employed, (making everyone Avon sellers is popular at the moment), and zero contract/few hours a week jobs.....costs more, to the taxpayer, but gets them off the unemployment register, which is good (politically).

Thatcher did it by hurling any one possible onto sickness benefits, in the 80's (I worked there at that time lol) and this lot do it with 'pretend' proper jobs.

And, of course,the numbers claiming sickness benefits have, again, risen to record levels lol

Lin

kingslayer

one other thing that has been running through my head is, i noticed she had breast implants. Now, i know this may sound trivial, but taking that into consideration, as well as what she said regarding her health, i.e. she has regular tests, maybe she works as an escort when she gets a chance? Now, i know this is going to sound really wacky and out there, but it's these little things that make me wonder about her.

Is that too out there? I really am thinking too much about this, but why would she have breast implants? Correct me if i'm wrong, but the average woman wouldn't be able to afford breast implants, as they are too expensive, right?

I just wondered what you all thought about this?

arbrighton

Erm I think that you're wildly speculating and frankly if I were the person you are currently talking about behind their back and found out, I would be incredibly insulted and ABSOLUTELY furious