I've got a date tonight, going to her place, but I'm quite nervous. Advice?

kingslayer

purpleshoes wrote: »

Again, if you had waited to get to know one another before having sex you probably wouldn't be sitting feeling used. One of those it was ok at the time moments but not so good after.

Ask her what she wants. I find it unbelievable that you are sitting asking all these questions when all you need to do is talk to her about it.

You're right, but she is vague about things. She'll say she is looking for something serious, but it's so hard to know for sure with her. To be honest, she seems a bit shy at times and doesn't really ask many questions, so I have to push the conversation. It is like when she got very upset because she saw me online on the dating site I met her on, then she admitted that she needed to toughen up more because it seemed very controlling, especially as she had never met me in person at that point.

BrassicWoman

from your "I still live at home" thread.....

"To be truthfully honest, I don't want kids or marriage. I don't want the commitments and responsibility. Being a father doesn't appeal to me, even though that's what many women want, as well as marriage. This is another stumbling block with getting into a relationship/dating."

Maybe you could just leave the poor woman alone while you work out what you do want? You've had a totally no commitment encounter, like you said you wanted, and now you're picking over the bones.

Leave her alone, eh?

kingslayer

BrassicWoman wrote: »

from your "I still live at home" thread.....

"To be truthfully honest, I don't want kids or marriage. I don't want the commitments and responsibility. Being a father doesn't appeal to me, even though that's what many women want, as well as marriage. This is another stumbling block with getting into a relationship/dating."

Maybe you could just leave the poor woman alone while you work out what you do want? You've had a totally no commitment encounter, like you said you wanted, and now you're picking over the bones.

Leave her alone, eh?

Yes, that is true. Her children are teenagers, though and are capable of looking after themselves (to a certain extent). Teenagers wouldn't be an issue for me to be honest. I am just not 100% sure that i don't want children, but at this moment in time i'm certain. I need to sort other areas of my life out before I even thought about children/a family.

I don't think i need to bother leaving her alone. She seems to not want to talk to me now, well, she's gone very quiet since Sunday anyway. I'm starting to think that she did actually use me, which doesn't make me feel great tbh.

I'm a very emotional person and insecure at times; always seem to be in my own head a lot, so knowing that, rightly or wrongly, i invested into her thinking this could lead to something more serious, so it's a hard pill to swallow. I am starting to think, was it actually me or was she just stringing me along all this time?

She may reply today, but every time I've text her since Sunday, she's been vague in her replies or taken longer than usual to reply to me.

Also, anyone who thought/thinks I'm a troll, I'm genuine and maybe say/do stupid things, and make dumb decisions at times that i should be smarter about. I am dyslexic too, so a lot of the times i don't always get across what I'm trying to say in an eloquent manner.

BrassicWoman

look, if you had a relationship going on in your head, it was with your fantasy of who she was, not who she really is.

as stated before - try treating women as people, not fantasy objects. You'll get on better. Some of us even have emotions and feelings and aspirations of our own, you know?

BrassicWoman

kingslayer wrote: »

Yes, that is true. Her children are teenagers, though and are capable of looking after themselves (to a certain extent). Teenagers wouldn't be an issue for me to be honest. I am just not 100% sure that i don't want children, but at this moment in time i'm certain. I need to sort other areas of my life out before I even thought about children/a family.

I don't think i need to bother leaving her alone. She seems to not want to talk to me now, well, she's gone very quiet since Sunday anyway. I'm starting to think that she did actually use me, which doesn't make me feel great tbh.

I'm a very emotional person and insecure at times; always seem to be in my own head a lot, so knowing that, rightly or wrongly, i invested into her thinking this could lead to something more serious, so it's a hard pill to swallow. I am starting to think, was it actually me or was she just stringing me along all this time?

She may reply today, but every time I've text her since Sunday, she's been vague in her replies or taken longer than usual to reply to me.

Also, anyone who thought/thinks I'm a troll, I'm genuine and maybe say/do stupid things, and make dumb decisions at times that i should be smarter about. I am dyslexic too, so a lot of the times i don't always get across what I'm trying to say in an eloquent manner.

not balanced enough for a relationship yet.

Morglin

kingslayer wrote: »

I didn't feel uncomfortable once I was there. Yes, I have been feeling used, but I text her earlier to see how she was and what she was up to, she at least replied. I have just replied and asked if she wants to meet up when she's free. I would like to get to know her, but I'm wondering how many other guys she sleeps with beside me. I just don't know if she really wants something serious or just a human male toy.

There are a lot of blokes that would love to be 'used' as a horny woman's sex toy.......:j

Lin

musafir05

stick it in the mouth

jaylee3

Still don't believe a word that comes out of the OP's mouth. Can't believe this thread has run to 9 pages! A boy's fantasy about banging an older woman! PMSL! :rotfl: Post number 164 made me roll around the floor laughing. 'I don't want to be used as a human male toy.' OMG!!!

StuC75

Only as vague as you've made out in other posts - if anything you're even more contradictory.

Her vagueness may actually be in response to your own, or insecurities on her part of how may have been treated..

This woman has 3 kids so is very busy all the time - she may be happy with a FWB kind of scenario or looking for something serious..

The likely extent of what happens is how much the man decides to "step up" in this situation, having been stood up by you a few times in the past you're not looking a dependable type in this.. If anything from a maturity perspective you're seeming more on a par with her kids here..

In a nutshell unless you speak to her face to face or mobile phone call you wont really know what is happening.. Text messages can easily be misinterpreted and people left wondering 'what did they mean by...'...

kingslayer wrote: »

You're right, but she is vague about things. She'll say she is looking for something serious, but it's so hard to know for sure with her. To be honest, she seems a bit shy at times and doesn't really ask many questions, so I have to push the conversation. It is like when she got very upset because she saw me online on the dating site I met her on, then she admitted that she needed to toughen up more because it seemed very controlling, especially as she had never met me in person at that point.

tea_lover

kingslayer wrote: »

It is like when she got very upset because she saw me online on the dating site I met her on, then she admitted that she needed to toughen up more because it seemed very controlling, especially as she had never met me in person at that point.

And she knew you were on there because she was on there herself?