I've got a date tonight, going to her place, but I'm quite nervous. Advice?

kingslayer

tea_lover wrote: »

And she knew you were on there because she was on there herself?

Yes, exactly! I told her that i wasn't using it any more, so she text me to elude to the fact that i was online on there. I don't understand why she got upset over that. She said she shouldn't have got upset and said, and I quote "It's okay, I just need to toughen up and understand that you will talk to other girls"

Because she is an attractive woman, i'm sure she would have got many messages on the site from other guys. I don't know if she followed through with those guys too. I think that is what makes everything feel like a kick in the teeth, as I genuinely do/did want to get to know her on a personal level, but everything has moved so fast and I am still unclear/confused about her intentions, whether serious or not.

I do understand that I'm a younger guy and she might not see me as a potential, stable provider for her. She has mentioned she doesn't care about the age and neither do i, but ultimately it's her choice if she wants to see me again. It would just be nice to know, instead of having this feeling of not knowing whether I was used or she genuinely wants to see me again. I asked her on Sunday after i left if she wanted to meet up again and she said "yes babes, i just have to find out if my mum is free" but now she is going quiet. I would rather her be honest, though, instead of just leaving me with this niggling thought in my head.

She also kept saying throughout our interactions how she didn't think I would find her attractive, or that I won't like her. Even when i went to visit her on Saturday, she said it a couple times that she was worried that i wouldn't like her/find her attractive.

Is she insecure? Playing mind games? Lacking confidence?

She is an attractive woman, so I don't understand it, unless it's validation seeking and she knows she is attractive. I really don't know with her, that's the frustrating thing.

She seems shy, though. She definitely isn't an outgoing and talkative person, even via texting she is vague with replies. Maybe she isn't a good conversationalist? She seemed like she wanted to see me so much, but her lack of question asking was/is frustrating. It would have been nice to have found out more about her and her background. I just didn't want to get too personal, so I tried to avoid delving too much into her life and asking too many probing questions.

purpleshoes_2

kingslayer wrote: »

Yes, exactly! I told her that i wasn't using it any more, so she text me to elude to the fact that i was online on there. I don't understand why she got upset over that. She said she shouldn't have got upset and said, and I quote "It's okay, I just need to toughen up and understand that you will talk to other girls"

Because she is an attractive woman, i'm sure she would have got many messages on the site from other guys. I don't know if she followed through with those guys too. I think that is what makes everything feel like a kick in the teeth, as I genuinely do/did want to get to know her on a personal level, but everything has moved so fast and I am still unclear/confused about her intentions, whether serious or not.

I do understand that I'm a younger guy and she might not see me as a potential, stable provider for her. She has mentioned she doesn't care about the age and neither do i, but ultimately it's her choice if she wants to see me again. It would just be nice to know, instead of having this feeling of not knowing whether I was used or she genuinely wants to see me again. I asked her on Sunday after i left if she wanted to meet up again and she said "yes babes, i just have to find out if my mum is free" but now she is going quiet. I would rather her be honest, though, instead of just leaving me with this niggling thought in my head.

She also kept saying throughout our interactions how she didn't think I would find her attractive, or that I won't like her. Even when i went to visit her on Saturday, she said it a couple times that she was worried that i wouldn't like her/find her attractive.

Is she insecure? Playing mind games? Lacking confidence?

She is an attractive woman, so I don't understand it, unless it's validation seeking and she knows she is attractive. I really don't know with her, that's the frustrating thing.

She seems shy, though. She definitely isn't an outgoing and talkative person, even via texting she is vague with replies. Maybe she isn't a good conversationalist? She seemed like she wanted to see me so much, but her lack of question asking was/is frustrating. It would have been nice to have found out more about her and her background. I just didn't want to get too personal, so I tried to avoid delving too much into her life and asking too many probing questions.

If you werent using it anymore, why were you online?

Im not sure one meeting with this woman is worth all the agonising. Either you like her and want to see her again and tell her so or you don't.

StuC75

Sites like pof do show mobile users as being online when they may not be (know this from when used it about 2 years ago). the site probably likes that as it gives the impression that more users are active at any time.

Until you speak honestly and open with each other you wont know what each others real expectations are- someone that's shy may want someone to be bold and make it clear what they intend - rather than where you both seem to be trading off ambiguities - nothing will be achieved that way..

Profiles can be hidden or updated on there so that other people can see if taking a break from dating\looking..

kingslayer wrote: »

Yes, exactly! I told her that i wasn't using it any more, so she text me to elude to the fact that i was online on there. I don't understand why she got upset over that. She said she shouldn't have got upset and said, and I quote "It's okay, I just need to toughen up and understand that you will talk to other girls"

Because she is an attractive woman, i'm sure she would have got many messages on the site from other guys. I don't know if she followed through with those guys too. I think that is what makes everything feel like a kick in the teeth, as I genuinely do/did want to get to know her on a personal level, but everything has moved so fast and I am still unclear/confused about her intentions, whether serious or not.

I do understand that I'm a younger guy and she might not see me as a potential, stable provider for her. She has mentioned she doesn't care about the age and neither do i, but ultimately it's her choice if she wants to see me again. It would just be nice to know, instead of having this feeling of not knowing whether I was used or she genuinely wants to see me again. I asked her on Sunday after i left if she wanted to meet up again and she said "yes babes, i just have to find out if my mum is free" but now she is going quiet. I would rather her be honest, though, instead of just leaving me with this niggling thought in my head.

She also kept saying throughout our interactions how she didn't think I would find her attractive, or that I won't like her. Even when i went to visit her on Saturday, she said it a couple times that she was worried that i wouldn't like her/find her attractive.

Is she insecure? Playing mind games? Lacking confidence?

She is an attractive woman, so I don't understand it, unless it's validation seeking and she knows she is attractive. I really don't know with her, that's the frustrating thing.

She seems shy, though. She definitely isn't an outgoing and talkative person, even via texting she is vague with replies. Maybe she isn't a good conversationalist? She seemed like she wanted to see me so much, but her lack of question asking was/is frustrating. It would have been nice to have found out more about her and her background. I just didn't want to get too personal, so I tried to avoid delving too much into her life and asking too many probing questions.

kingslayer

Morglin wrote: »

There are a lot of blokes that would love to be 'used' as a horny woman's sex toy.......:j

Lin

I understand this, and don't get me wrong, it was great (apart from that stupid decision to not use protection), but i just thought there was going to be more between us than just sex. I am still none the wiser of regarding her motives.

purpleshoes_2

kingslayer wrote: »

I understand this, and don't get me wrong, it was great (apart from that stupid decision to not use protection), but i just thought there was going to be more between us than just sex. I am still none the wiser of regarding her motives.

There doesnt need to be motives. Its possible shes busy, its possible she likes you but isnt sure about a relationship, the only way you'll find out is to ask her yourself.

kingslayer

purpleshoes wrote: »

If you werent using it anymore, why were you online?

Im not sure one meeting with this woman is worth all the agonising. Either you like her and want to see her again and tell her so or you don't.

I was online because it showed up on my phone that I had a message, and until I checked it, the notification wouldn't go away. I just went on to check the message, but I wasn't interested in anyone else as we had already been talking for a while at that point.

I understand that, but we'd been chatting for a few months, texting everyday, talking on the phone many times for 30-40 mins at a time, making her laugh, bantering etc.

She said she understood my anxiety and I think i invested a lot into her. I did make those mistakes of cancelling on her before, but i did apologise and regretted it because i was overthinking things at that point due to my anxiety.

Well I did text her about seeing each other again, so i'm going to wait to see whether she responds or not. She is busy with the kids, housework, chores, errands, seeing family/friends etc, so i understand she won't be able to reply at the drop of a hat.

kingslayer

jaylee3 wrote: »

Still don't believe a word that comes out of the OP's mouth. Can't believe this thread has run to 9 pages! A boy's fantasy about banging an older woman! PMSL! :rotfl: Post number 164 made me roll around the floor laughing. 'I don't want to be used as a human male toy.' OMG!!!

That is fine, believe what you want, but I'm not going to waste my time coming on here to troll for goodness sake. Maybe it would be easier if it was a fantasy, at least I wouldn't be banging my head against a wall trying to figure it all out.

stir_crazy

kingslayer wrote: »

That is fine, believe what you want, but I'm not going to waste my time coming on here to troll for goodness sake. Maybe it would be easier if it was a fantasy, at least I wouldn't be banging my head against a wall trying to figure it all out.

What is there to figure out? You met up, you had sex. Jeez. If you want to know what she is thinking about the whole thing, ask her. Face to face.

From reading both of your threads though, you need to take some time to grow up and figure out what you want.

StuC75

So with that much on her plate do you really think she's seeing lots of other people?

Too much of this has been going on in your heads alone rather than physical time together to ask what you're thinking..

kingslayer wrote: »

She is busy with the kids, housework, chores, errands, seeing family/friends etc, so i understand she won't be able to reply at the drop of a hat.

Anatidaephobia

kingslayer wrote: »

I asked her on Sunday after i left if she wanted to meet up again and she said "yes babes, i just have to find out if my mum is free" but now she is going quiet. I would rather her be honest, though, instead of just leaving me with this niggling thought in my head.

She also kept saying throughout our interactions how she didn't think I would find her attractive, or that I won't like her. Even when i went to visit her on Saturday, she said it a couple times that she was worried that i wouldn't like her/find her attractive.

Is she insecure? Playing mind games? Lacking confidence?

She is an attractive woman, so I don't understand it, unless it's validation seeking and she knows she is attractive. I really don't know with her, that's the frustrating thing.

She seems shy, though. She definitely isn't an outgoing and talkative person, even via texting she is vague with replies. Maybe she isn't a good conversationalist? She seemed like she wanted to see me so much, but her lack of question asking was/is frustrating. It would have been nice to have found out more about her and her background. I just didn't want to get too personal, so I tried to avoid delving too much into her life and asking too many probing questions.

I don't understand why you are being so judgemental and critical of minuscule things. You already know that she's shy and lacking in confidence yet when she tells you she didn't think you'd find her attractive, you wonder if she's playing mind games.

99% of your posts are like teenage speculation. These are the only things you know for sure:
- you had a good night on Saturday.
- she's been slow to reply to your texts.
That's it. And you've already explained that she has a busy life, kids to deal with, and cannot always reply quickly and easily.

Calm down and wait til she has time to talk to you. When you do talk, do it on the phone rather than texting.