please help 16 and pregnant

BillJones

dktreesea wrote: »

As for trying to persuade your daughter to have a termination, please don't. I have friends who let their mothers and fathers persuade them along that route. Four children and 40 years later and one of them still grieves for her dead son.

And I know people who've had a termination and still, many years later, view it as the best decision they ever made. I also know people who feel resentful of their life changing after they kept a child that they did not want.

You can't assume that your favoured outcome is the right one, and I suspect in this case that you are wrong.

kerry13238

I don't want her to move out at all but I can't have the bf move in he is a bad influence on my son as well. I can just about afford to support her and baby but I can't support the bf as well it's a grown man food ect and he says he wouldn't live with me anyway cause I told him what I think of him he has even told me grandparents rights is 4h a week.


My partner will be moving in soon and he has a 4 year old that he has ever second weekend I have a 4 bed house and that would mean 6 of us here and 7 some times.

My daughter is at her dads until Friday he has a 2 year old with his new wife I have asked them to put my da in charge of him don't let her lay in till 11 like she has been get her up when he gets up at 6 and be there but let her do all you have to do with a toddler.

Spoke to my da about how she feels about the bf and bf dad smoking as on Wednesday I said bf will have to give up smoking for health of baby and money and bf dad seems to think it doesn't matter cause my da isn't smoking.

He then asked if he could smoke in front of me I said that's up to my da she is the pregnant one and it's his grandchild that will be breathing in that smoke. She said thanks put me on the spot and he said it doesn't matter the windows and doors are open.

A few weeks ago it was my da birthday and she had a mac book and about £300 cash the bf was messaging her asking for her I pad as she has a mac book now and for £20 for a pizza as there was no food in the house and trying to make her feel guilty

whodathunkit

It sounds more and more like an episode of Jeremy Kyle!

Kayalana99

whodathunkit wrote: »

It sounds more and more like an episode of Jeremy Kyle!

I hate it when people make stupid comments like this. I've just read though this thread and I feel your pain, couldn't imagine going though what your doing right now.

For someone to read this thread and just make a snide remark either has no compassion or complete lack of intelligence as it's nothing more then what a 13 year old would say.

whodathunkit

Kayalana99 wrote: »

I hate it when people make stupid comments like this. I've just read though this thread and I feel your pain, couldn't imagine going though what your doing right now.

For someone to read this thread and just make a snide remark either has no compassion or complete lack of intelligence as it's nothing more then what a 13 year old would say.

Rather better than the idiots who are sending congratulations for this disaster.

nannytone_2

by allowing the boyfriend to move in, the OP would be accepting of and condoning the current situation, yes the girl is already pregnant and her mother will obviously support her through this, but the bf doesnt work, has been kicked out of college and is encouraged in his lifestyle by his father.
of vourse the daughter is 'stupid', she is 16! but no amount of preaching will change her mind, she has to experience her situation before she can make any reasonable decision.
i also wouldnt WANT my daughter to move out, but sometimes tough love is the only way to go.
if he moves in, it will be the daughter and her bf that are effectively ruking the roost, as they will be doing exactly what the want at the expense of the OP and her other child.
a family shouldnt be a democracy, it should be a dictatorship with the parents in charge! ( i'm not as extreme as that makes me sound ... i'm just tryinng to make a point )
i was pregnant at 16 and if i had told my parents that either they let him move in or i was leaving, i would have been put soundly in my place!
too many parents want to be their childs friend, but that really isnt in the job description. of course we all want our kids to be happy, but not at all costs! the job of a parent is to make sure our children know right from wrong and grow into independant and moral adults!
if we continuously run in to make 'everything better' what are they going to learn?
the OP's daughter and her bf need to learn that along with rights, come responsibilities.
and they need to learn that real quick!!

RuthnJasper

dktreesea wrote: »

A child needs a mother and a father. Your daughter's boyfriend's father is prepared to move out of his home, set up a new home just to keep that family together. It sounds to me like you are much better placed to offer both your daughter and her boyfriend a home but would rather not.

It seems to me your daughter would be better off bringing up the baby with her baby's father and grandfather to help, since you are clearly only prepared to offer your home to part of the baby's family.

I agree with your first sentence, but did you see the post where the OP mentions that the flat of the b/f and his dad was raided by the police drugs team? I would NOT want a baby in that situation, not under any circumstances.

I think the OP is trying to do her best for the baby (as well as dealing with her own feelings at finding out that she is going to be a grandmother). But it does seem to me that the best thing for the baby (and the daughter) would be to keep as far away from the b/f's dad (and possibly also the b/f, if he's mixed-up in that nonsense) as possible.

Mojisola

There is a younger child to consider - should his home be disrupted by having his sister's BF living in the house?

For my own sake, I'd be very reluctant to have someone as described by the OP in my house. For a younger child's sake, I'd be very much against it.

pmlindyloo

The trouble is we all know the perfect solution to this.

The daughter returns home, has the baby, realises the boyfriend and his dad are unsavoury characters and all ends happily ever after.

Unfortunately life isn't like that particularly where 16 year olds are concerned.

To be honest I suspect the OP has really little say in this. The daughter will have to make her own decisions. The OP cannot force her to do what she wants.

The OP can point out all the negatives to the situation that she likes but the daughter will sadly have to find this out herself and possibly the hard way.

I am wondering if there is a counselling service for young women in this situation. I am thinking the Brook Advisory clinic (do they still exist?)

Perhaps if the daughter herself goes to somewhere like that then a 3rd party might be able to discuss the situation with her.

RR_summers

I was in the same position myself 10 years ago.
My mum kicked me out. I move in with my then bf. Things were not as rosy as I hoped they would be! I saw a counsellor at the brook centre who was a brilliant mediator.

One of those dolls a pp mentioned would be a great idea. It would have certainly made me think twice! I have since carried on with my education and completed university but it has been very hard.

Maybe your daughter would benefit from speaking to others who have been in the same position to give her some perspective? I remember when I was in this position, all I wanted was my unborn baby's dad. No one and nothing else mattered. Everything soon turned sour once two teenagers moved in together!