please help 16 and pregnant

shegar

You have stated all the facts to your daughter so now I think it would be best to let her go and live with bf and bf s father ...........

When she realise what a couple of low lifes they are im sure she will come back to you, but right now you will have to let her get it out of her system.....
Always be in the back ground, and try not to run the bf down too much to her , otherwise you may drive her away from you totally........

Youve said all that you can say to her , just be there for her when it all falls apart ......

I too wouldnt want him staying at my home , his attitude stinks , so must he with all the smoking he do......Sit back and wait.......Good luck...

kerry13238

Ex husbands wife took her to the doctors and Bf and his dad were there after being told not to. Daughter had gone I. There and said she is 100% sure she is keeping it so hospital wouldn't do anything as the appointment was to date so they know what the options are. They were ment to go to the council tomorrow but it's no cancelled surprise surprise. I called the council and they are low priority and not 4th on the list and are looking at 6 months to 12 months x

NYM

kerry13238 wrote: »

Ex husbands wife took her to the doctors and Bf and his dad were there after being told not to. Daughter had gone I. There and said she is 100% sure she is keeping it so hospital wouldn't do anything as the appointment was to date so they know what the options are. They were ment to go to the council tomorrow but it's no cancelled surprise surprise. I called the council and they are low priority and not 4th on the list and are looking at 6 months to 12 months x

Who cancelled the appt with the Council ? YOU need to take her. The Council will assess her needs and advise accordingly.

I still believe that as she is 16, Social Services are likely to be involved but I don't know for sure.

The boyfriend and his Dad are of course low priority...they don't need a 3 bed house, and I bet that if they have rent arrears or have been nuisance tenants they'll be an even lower priority !

kerry13238

The boys dad said the council canceled she won't let me take her or go anywhere x

NYM

kerry13238 wrote: »

The boys dad said the council canceled she won't let me take her or go anywhere x

You have my sympathy trying to deal with this x

You are probably still angry with her and she senses it even if you don't vocalise it. She knows she's let you down and herself, but the situation is as it is. She's pregnant, wants to keep her baby and is in love (or thinks she is..) with her b/f.

His family on the surface appear to be non condemning and are looking on the pregnancy as a massive positive in their lives. Benefits and a much larger property seem to be their aim. However, you can't tell your daughter that they are being selfish, she needs to find that out for herself.


Unicorn1984 gave you the best advice....step back and allow your daughter to come to whatever decision she makes. In time, she'll realise exactly where she's better off and your support until then is crucial.

I wouldn't allow the BF to live in your home either, he clearly has no respect for you, and it would disrupt your life and that of the rest of your family. Why should you and your family suffer as a result of this?
You can still support your daughter and her child, by being there for her, always letting her know she is welcome to come home at any time, offer to look at homes for her, buy her little things for the baby etc. Try to be supportive, if (or most likely WHEN) this all goes tits up (again, my opinion is based on what OP has told us, of course the BF may well buck his ideas up and support his family but assuming he doesn't) then she knows she can come home and have the support of her loving family.

You need to play the supportive one in this, don't try and bribe her to come home, don't rubbish her BF (trust me, when I was 16 my loser BF was my world, the more my Mum pointed out his flaws the more determined I was to be with him, in the end she gave the relationship her "blessing" and I soon lost interest in him after that.....) . If it turns sour living with her BF and Dad then she needs to know she can come home without a huge deal being made.

Poppie68

OP you need to be totally proactive here. You need to be clever and sneaky and try to persude her to allow you to accompany her to the midwife appointments. Make the visits to the midwife a girly day out, after the appointment tell her you can do lunch together or go and do a little baby shopping. While you are together don't slag her BF or his father off, don't fire questions off at her just sit over lunch or a coffee and calmly slip questions into normal conversations. You could also behind the scenes look into any local mother and baby units as i think your daughter will benefit from moving into one she will get a case worker and the support a young mum needs. Maybe discuss the option gently and make it sound attractive, you will both be able to speak to the midwife about this and she will be able to help with getting your daughter into the unit. You really do need to tread carefully as it sounds like she has been brainwashed to a certain degree by the BF and his dad. They are making living with them seem attractive but in reality (and she obviously can't see it yet) it is a reciepe for disaster.

dktreesea

whodathunkit wrote: »

What a terribly biased opinion on a woman's right to choose.

If I am not mistaken, the OP's daughter has made a choice; to keep the baby. And yes, I think abortion is a terrible thing. The aborted child might well be fine, safe and sound in God's arms away from the trials and tribulations of life. But some of those who go through with it - just in my experience - pay a terrible price in the years to come.

Plenty of people want to adopt. Why not go ahead, have the baby, and give it up for adoption if you don't want it? At least then you wouldn't have its murder on your conscience.

People who are prepared to have abortions themselves, fair enough. The law supports their choice. But I certainly don't agree with trying to influence others to go down that route.

dktreesea

Poppie68 wrote: »

OP you need to be totally proactive here. You need to be clever and sneaky and try to persude her to allow you to accompany her to the midwife appointments. Make the visits to the midwife a girly day out, after the appointment tell her you can do lunch together or go and do a little baby shopping. While you are together don't slag her BF or his father off, don't fire questions off at her just sit over lunch or a coffee and calmly slip questions into normal conversations. You could also behind the scenes look into any local mother and baby units as i think your daughter will benefit from moving into one she will get a case worker and the support a young mum needs. Maybe discuss the option gently and make it sound attractive, you will both be able to speak to the midwife about this and she will be able to help with getting your daughter into the unit. You really do need to tread carefully as it sounds like she has been brainwashed to a certain degree by the BF and his dad. They are making living with them seem attractive but in reality (and she obviously can't see it yet) it is a reciepe for disaster.

Why? Surely the OP's daughter would be better off in an environment where her family are kept together and she is not being subjected on a daily basis to the adverse judgments of another person who would have preferred she had aborted her child?

I would never have let a member of my family near our children if I had suspected, let alone been told directly, that they had wanted them to be terminated.

kerry13238

I called the school today to see what support they can offer she has done her gcse but is still officially at school. My son fainted at school yesterday so I have told them for his sake as well. Sounds like a stupid question but will she be aloud to prom next week? X

dktreesea

NYM wrote: »

His family on the surface appear to be non condemning and are looking on the pregnancy as a massive positive in their lives. Benefits and a much larger property seem to be their aim. However, you can't tell your daughter that they are being selfish, she needs to find that out for herself.

That is such a double standard.

So if the bf came from a well off family and his father had a nice house it would be okay for him to offer his home to both soon to be parents and their child, but because he's poor and doesn't have very good housing - a one bedroom places for two adults sounds like overcrowding to me - he's subjected to a whole lot of anti benefit/anti poor vitriol and cynicism?