please help 16 and pregnant

seasideme

Anyone else think that the OPs daughter could get caught up in a relationship she can't get out of?

kerry13238

She went to a options clinic and point blank refused advise. It's not the poor part it's the drugs raid it's really smoky the bf is controlling reads all her messages has all her log ins she pays for everything he has been on bail for arson. Thinks it's acceptable to show a 11 year old how to light deodorant cans and do it near her face. Show my son how to start a fire in the park and the fire brigade were called has smoked weed and generally I feel it's emotional domestic abuse x

Mojisola

seasideme wrote: »

Anyone else think that the OPs daughter could get caught up in a relationship she can't get out of?

It's hard enough for an adult woman to break free from a controlling man, let alone a 16 year old girl.

If the BF's father does see her as a meal ticket, he's not going to let her go back to her family without a fight.

tomtontom

seasideme wrote: »

Anyone else think that the OPs daughter could get caught up in a relationship she can't get out of?

Yes, this concerns me also. Even with such a supportive mother sometimes these things get out of control very quickly. All of the OP's concerns appear to be well founded

duchy

Mojisola wrote: »

It's hard enough for an adult woman to break free from a controlling man, let alone a 16 year old girl.

If the BF's father does see her as a meal ticket, he's not going to let her go back to her family without a fight.

True but most sixteen year olds would win once they'd realized they wanted to be elsewhere.

The OP at this point can't stop the child moving out without recourse to law which would alienate her daughter and as soon as any injunction expired she'd be off.

There are no winners here and the OP seems to be doing a good job of picking her battles with the eventual aim of winning the war.

DD will no doubt think the first few weeks are lovely -and then the rot will set in- bills will arrive -and her friends will be going back to college, having nights out, learning to drive, planning holidays ,parents will be buying them new phones, ipads clothes etc etc and she'll have her lightbulb moment. Three adults, two men used to living the batchelor life and living off pizzas and always short of money (and of course her bank of Mum and Dad will be closed as you'll buy her treats but never give her cash) -She'll be home by Christmas.

One thing I was wondering is why Dad and son were allocated a one bedroom flat- Did son live elsewhere previously and move in....or what ? Also they won't be allocated a three bedroom house anyway but a two bedroom as baby won't "count" even after it is first born (you could verify this with the council)

RuthnJasper

dktreesea wrote: »

That is such a double standard.

So if the bf came from a well off family and his father had a nice house it would be okay for him to offer his home to both soon to be parents and their child, but because he's poor and doesn't have very good housing - a one bedroom places for two adults sounds like overcrowding to me - he's subjected to a whole lot of anti benefit/anti poor vitriol and cynicism?

You still don't seem to be addressing the point that the police have raided the flat for drugs, nor that the bf and his dad are refusing to stop smoking heavily in the company of the girl and her unborn baby, nor even that they turned up unannounced at a hospital visit, despite being asked not to.

I know some desperately hard-up people who are great parents. I used to know some very well-off people whose parenting skills were abysmal.

Is it better for a child to have both parents, even if one of the parents spends all of his money on fags and junk food and possibly mixes with criminals? Or better to have a safe, loving environment with one parent and loving grandparents (plus young uncle), where the child won't be exposed to such risks?

Poppie68

duchy wrote: »

True but most sixteen year olds would win once they'd realized they wanted to be elsewhere.

The OP at this point can't stop the child moving out without recourse to law which would alienate her daughter and as soon as any injunction expired she'd be off.

There are no winners here and the OP seems to be doing a good job of picking her battles with the eventual aim of winning the war.

DD will no doubt think the first few weeks are lovely -and then the rot will set in- bills will arrive -and her friends will be going back to college, having nights out, learning to drive, planning holidays ,parents will be buying them new phones, ipads clothes etc etc and she'll have her lightbulb moment. Three adults, two men used to living the batchelor life and living off pizzas and always short of money (and of course her bank of Mum and Dad will be closed as you'll buy her treats but never give her cash) -She'll be home by Christmas.

One thing I was wondering is why Dad and son were allocated a one bedroom flat- Did son live elsewhere previously and move in....or what ? Also they won't be allocated a three bedroom house anyway but a two bedroom as baby won't "count" even after it is first born (you could verify this with the council)

They will be entitled to a 3 bedroom after the baby is born, some councils will actually allocate before the birth if it is immenent..but i actually think the council will be doing the daughter and baby a big favour by dragging their heals and letting her suffer the sharing of a house with the two males and a newborn.

Poppie68

I think mum should have a quiet word with the midwife regarding her concerns about the living arrangements and the unhealthy envioroment for the baby. She could even mention her thoughts on the BF 'activities'..the midwife could then make an informed decision of contacting the social worker or not, the social worker or midwife could have some influence in persuding the daughter to go into a mother and baby unit prior to birth if she is adamant she does'nt want to go to mums...

duchy

Poppie68 wrote: »

They will be entitled to a one bedroom after the baby is born, some councils will actually allocate before the birth if it is immenent..but i actually think the council will be doing the daughter and baby a big favour by dragging their heals and letting her suffer the sharing of a house with the two males and a newborn.

I wasn't talking about the daughter- I was talking about the three adults................ Interestingly at no point has the son suggested they get a place by themselves once the baby is born or before. It's all about getting a 3 bed in his father's name.

Poppie68

duchy wrote: »

I wasn't talking about the daughter- I was talking about the three adults................ Interestingly at no point has the son suggested they get a place by themselves once the baby is born or before. It's all about getting a 3 bed in his father's name.

Oops sorry i meant to type 3 bedroom.....i was thinking the same actually about there being no mention of them living alone.