please help 16 and pregnant

OldMotherTucker

Pull out all the stops OP. Every second you spend with her must be lovely. Think of her favourite little treats, soothe her niggles, break out her baby pictures and bond, bond, bond with her!

This guy is unlikely to be able to care for her in any adequate way - by the time it gets round to the birth, things will be as tetchy as hell and she will be as miserable as sin, poor girl.

There'll be quite enough drama by the sounds of it - just imagine how you would like your daughter describe you and how you supported her, to your grandchild in years to come . .

nannytone_2

the girl has to learn for herself unfortunately.
my daughter an i have always been close ( maybe too close!) at the same time we've always 'butted heads'
i would say 'i know what you mean' and she would invariably shriedk .... YOU DONT HAVE A CLUE!
this all ended when she was in labour with her eldest. i think it was hurting me more than it was hurting her... seeing her in pain was just awful.
she looked over at me and i said ' i know baby'.
she just said ' i know you do'
it was such a special moment, that 10 years on it's still vivid in my mind.
i suppose what i am saying is, that until she has the baby, she is still the 'selfish child'. once she has the baby she will be a woman and a mother.
ride it out and give her the space to make her mistakes and pray that her natural instincts kick in and she will put her baby before herself

unicorn1984

It is "interesting" that the BF hasn't suggested that he, his girlfriend and their unborn child get a place of their own...... leaving his Father to have the 1 bedroomed place to himself, rather than sharing with his teenage son, and young pregnant girlfriend, giving him his home back. You would think most people would think this was the best suggestion if they were both serious and committed to making this work? They would stay local, so they can still have their families nearby to help out etc

Most teenagers dream about moving out of home, so why is the son so keen to stay with his Father?! They would have their own home, with their little family, noone to answer to and their own space/rules... its very unsettling that this option doesn't even seem to have been discussed! Does the Father just want to have them all under his roof so that he can maximise the benefits that will flood into "his" home, and he will control this?

Originally Posted by dktreesea View Post
That is such a double standard.

So if the bf came from a well off family and his father had a nice house it would be okay for him to offer his home to both soon to be parents and their child, but because he's poor and doesn't have very good housing - a one bedroom places for two adults sounds like overcrowding to me - he's subjected to a whole lot of anti benefit/anti poor vitriol and cynicism?


This is just inflammatory. The OP is worried about the fact that her pregnant 16 year old daughter is mixed up with a young lad who spends her money, checks her personal messages and emails and whose house has been raided for drugs, they smoke around her and the unborn baby, and they seem to be more interested in how big a house they can get and how many benefits they could squeeze out of the situation.

OP have you suggested to her about getting a place with just the BF? I know this is NOT what you want, but its just concerning that it hasn't been suggested?

I highly doubt that they will be getting a house anytime soon, and if they do, I don't think that she will be there long. From now on, try not to give her money (f you do often), instead get her things for the baby. She needs to know that the baby is the most important thing in all this and also if he spends her cash, this will minimise the chances of him being able to.

Make that list of things the baby will need, casually say you made a list of a few things you know she will be needing, and put prices on it, pass it to her and don't make a big deal, don't stand over her saying "you will need this, and its very expensive, HOW do you expect to pay for X,Y and Z" . You are helping, showing an interest and not being overbearing. She will then look at the list and her head will fall off with the realisation of how much stuff there is, what it costs and where is that money coming from. Maybe say to her (if you are willing), "me and your Dad/Stepdad will help and buy the pram/cot/car seat" so she knows the rest HAS to come from somewhere, and she can't come to you everytime she needs something, and again, you are showing willing to help but you aren't rolling over and doing it all for her.

Yes she is young, but she has CHOSEN to be a Mother, and with that comes great responsibility; financial, emotional etc and a hell of alot of sacrifices. She needs to learn that baby must come first, not her and certainly not her BF

Give her the space she thinks she wants, to make mistakes; that's the only way we learn. Being told something will fail doesn't work, we have to realise it ourselves. Being stubborn and headstrong is well documented in the teenage girls CV, so don't fight it. Let her come round in her own time, and it will be worth it in the end.

They may well shock the !!!!!! out of everyone and create a stable, well balanced home for their child, with the help of his Father, but based on what you have said, that seems highly unlikely at present!

Good luck, I hope it all works out for everyone involved.... sorry if you have said, but how far along is your daughter? x

xylophone

fed misinformation is it?

I would be pleased to know, from your direct experience and with proof, what misinformation Life offers?

You might need to have regard to this http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/collective/A1183394

Ms_Chocaholic

Hi Kerry

I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is to call Children's Services, especially after reading your post (119). I'm sure they will become involved due to the concerns regarding your DD's BF convictions./drugs raids.

It also might be worthwhile you making a request of the Police in respect of BF and dad so you have a clear picture of what environment she is living with. For all we know, BF's dad could have convictions too.

Google "Sarah's Law" which will give you some information on requests to the Police.

shegirl

kerry13238 wrote: »

Ex husbands wife took her to the doctors and Bf and his dad were there after being told not to. Daughter had gone I. There and said she is 100% sure she is keeping it so hospital wouldn't do anything as the appointment was to date so they know what the options are. They were ment to go to the council tomorrow but it's no cancelled surprise surprise. I called the council and they are low priority and not 4th on the list and are looking at 6 months to 12 months x

With respect,while it may well be the case,the council would not under any circumstances tell you about their position or application.There could be many factors.

I will now finish reading

kerry13238

My dd cant seem to understand why I won't support her financially if she isn't at home. The dad is adamant they don't get her own place and stays living with them

Mojisola

kerry13238 wrote: »

My dd cant seem to understand why I won't support her financially if she isn't at home.

This shows how she isn't really thinking like an adult, even if that's what she thinks she's doing.

If she moves out to play house, she'll have to claim benefits in her own right and manage her money herself - if she's allowed to keep any of it.

thorsoak

Explain to her: if she is grown up enough to leave home, she is grown up enough to pay her own way/claim her own benefits/manage her money herself - for her and for her baby.

shegar

Ms_Chocaholic wrote: »

Hi Kerry

I think the best thing you can do for your daughter is to call Children's Services, especially after reading your post (119). I'm sure they will become involved due to the concerns regarding your DD's BF convictions./drugs raids.

It also might be worthwhile you making a request of the Police in respect of BF and dad so you have a clear picture of what environment she is living with. For all we know, BF's dad could have convictions too.

Google "Sarah's Law" which will give you some information on requests to the Police.

I think the OP should be very careful about involving Childrens social services, when the babe is born it could well be taken away end up in foster care , and then nobody would get to see the new born......
Also it pays to think before diving in with police etc , as who knows that the pregnant young girl may be into drugs too ....

As I said in my previous post let her go to live with them but make it clear you are there to pick the pieces up when it all goes ti*s up which it will and Let her know she is welcome to live with you ....Good luck...