please help 16 and pregnant

whodathunkit

xylophone wrote: »

I would be pleased to know, from your direct experience and with proof, what misinformation Life offers?

You might need to have regard to this http://www.bbc.co.uk/dna/collective/A1183394

I posted a link to the misinformation that one of these clinics gave to an undercover Telegraph reporter in an earlier thread, perhaps you should read it.

thorsoak

shegar wrote: »

I think the OP should be very careful about involving Childrens social services, when the babe is born it could well be taken away end up in foster care , and then nobody would get to see the new born......
Also it pays to think before diving in with police etc , as who knows that the pregnant young girl may be into drugs too ....

As I said in my previous post let her go to live with them but make it clear you are there to pick the pieces up when it all goes ti*s up which it will and Let her know she is welcome to live with you ....Good luck...

I'm concerned with the advice that you are giving here - you are suggesting that this girl should go "under the radar" - which would be the worst possible thing for her and for her baby. Yes, she may have taken drugs - we have no way of knowing either way - but it is important that if she has taken drugs, that she - and her baby are monitored.

Yes,the involvement of Social Services will be problematic - but we have no way of knowing the history of the baby's father nor his family.

whodathunkit

shegar wrote: »

I think the OP should be very careful about involving Childrens social services, when the babe is born it could well be taken away end up in foster care , and then nobody would get to see the new born......
Also it pays to think before diving in with police etc , as who knows that the pregnant young girl may be into drugs too ....

As I said in my previous post let her go to live with them but make it clear you are there to pick the pieces up when it all goes ti*s up which it will and Let her know she is welcome to live with you ....Good luck...

If the child was going to be born and brought up in that sort of situation it might well be best for it to be fostered and then adopted.

kerry13238

I'm 100% she would never ever touch drugs. I'm not concerned about her taking drugs one bit. I text her today saying I have kept her brother off school as he is so upset he fainted at school so I have told the school and she is still under them as she had done gcse but is still under them. They are looking into support. I don't seem to be able to do anything right with her she had asked me not to talk to her for a week cause I asked her to think about what's best for baby sleeping on a sofa in a smoky flat or at home in a double bed with all the support food and experience I have.

Money isn't everything but I have started a job this week as a training financial advisor I'm already part qualified and work literally across the road and can do flexy.

She says she knows what I'm trying to do but she wants to be there x

kerry13238

whodathunkit wrote: »

If the child was going to be born and brought up in that sort of situation it might well be best for it to be fostered and then adopted.

I don't think that would happen all the issues are with the father not the mother and she can come home x

shegirl

kerry13238 wrote: »

I don't think that would happen all the issues are with the father not the mother and she can come home x

I'm sorry,but if a mother is willing and allowing a baby to live in that situation then there are issues with her too.

Whether she could go to yours is neither here nor there.It does not change the above,unless she does not live with them!

shegirl

shegar wrote: »

I think the OP should be very careful about involving Childrens social services, when the babe is born it could well be taken away end up in foster care , and then nobody would get to see the new born......
Also it pays to think before diving in with police etc , as who knows that the pregnant young girl may be into drugs too ....

As I said in my previous post let her go to live with them but make it clear you are there to pick the pieces up when it all goes ti*s up which it will and Let her know she is welcome to live with you ....Good luck...

That would only happen if there was no change/intention to change and things were bad.In that case it would be the right thing for the baby.

Personally,I would call social services.She is a 16 year old pregnant girl,clearly needing support and living in a situation that seems rather appalling.

thorsoak

If Social Services do become involved, they would be concerned about the environment in which the baby were to be brought up, and if your daughter was unwilling to leave it, then Social Services could take steps to remove the baby to a place of safety ....which might be with foster parents or with you.....

double_mummy

i have personal experience of this sort of situation i was 17 when i fell pregnant

i did it with the boyfriend who i still have the rose tinted glasses on for (double daddy)

we were stuck in a bed and breakfast about 40 miles away from the town we live in for 6 weeks whilst pregnant. living in a single room constantly with a person makes you see what they are really like.

DO NOT give her an ultimatum the likely hood is you will lose her for good

talk to her like an adult ask her to give you one day to put your side across and if after that day she still wants to move in with him then she has your blessing to. see the midwife, see the council, have a girly lunch, her fave dinner and a pamper evening

do not bad mouth the boyfriend as that will push her closer to him just give her the reality and the options and support her in whatever she decides

you do not have to hand over child benefit to him even if she does stay there - you can continue to receive it as long as you:
You could continue to get payments for more than 8 weeks if you contribute to your child’s upkeep by the same amount or more than the Child Benefit payment.

Upkeep includes clothes, presents, food and pocket money and financial contributions to provide your child with somewhere to live.

Im sure you can send her a £15 asda (or other supermarket card) each week then there is no csa claim to deal with especially if she still has a home with you to return to - he room is in tact you have things for the baby etc

have you taken her baby shopping? have you talked about names or anything else with her?

TBTH i can see why it appeals to her living with 2 other people rather than 5 or 6 - after seeing you as a strong woman i bet she has ideas in her head that she will be running the household as you do with the boys doing as she says

i dont know if it is the same within your area but we werent able to apply with anyone else for a council house it was only pregnant woman and partner if there was someone else they had to apply as a single person by themselves - i think those rules were put in place to specifically stop this kind of situation

i know you arent trying to but it sounds like you are already overbearing on her and i completely understand that you dont mean to be but read post #141 - now look it at from her point of you, saying that you have all the experience can sound like you think she has no idea what to do and even though you are trying to be supportive it may have sounded to a criticism to her

i know i have just gone off and completed an essay but this is how i felt at her age and these are the things that happened and how they were reacted to - since being a teenage mum i have supported other girls when they found out they were pregnant (sister in law is 5 years younger than me so i was the go to person for anything to do with sex for her friends) is there anyone you can find for her like that??

good luck

thorsoak

Kerry - Please read Double mummy's post - she has been in your daughter's shoes - and her advice is good!