please help 16 and pregnant

Shopper81

kerry13238 wrote: »

Do you think they will tell her to stay at home? She is meeting her midwife next week she won't let me be there xx

They will most likely advise her to stay at home given all the information that you have given regarding the boyfriend and his father. As time goes on they will most likely help her see this as the most viable option as things get real for her.


As for them thinking its ok with the boyfriend and his father due to them painting an ideal picture- you will be working with experienced professionals who will gather all relevant information including the information you can give them that you have detailed on here. yes they will listen to the boyfriend and his father too but things will become pretty clear rather quickly.


It may relieve some of the battle for you because there will be someone impartial with your daughter's and unborn's interest at the centre.


If things were to get bad with the boyfriend and the father after the baby is born they can apply for an order for the baby to come to stay with you or someone else. This wouldn't be done lightly but its something she will likely need to consider if she makes choices that put herself and/or baby at risk. And with Social Services intervention she will still have all the choices- the consequences will just be clearer and in my experience with most young mums they will put the baby first once its real.


In this case from what you have told us here I believe the best option for daughter and baby will be advised as staying with you and they most likely will help your daughter come to this decision for herself x

unicorn1984

Although I agree that SS getting involved would be best in this situation, if I were this 16 year old, I would be VERY angry and upset if my own Mother reported me to SS. I know that its for her and the babies own good, but I can't imagine that she will be happy at all...... she is very immature and blinkered by "love" for this boy, and at the moment she probably thinks he is the best thing in the world and her Mum is just interfering, trying to control her. A knock on the door from a social worker, full of concern for her and the babies welfare is NOT going to go down well. I know they are there to help and support people, but I honestly don't see her taking it any other way than Mum not getting what she wants so she has "grassed" her and her BF up for being unfit parents.... a BF that she knows you don't like or think is suitable. She will see it as you going behind her back and going against her.

She needs to learn for herself that he is no good for her and the baby, which will take no time at all. If he doesn't push her away before the baby arrives, then certainly after the baby is born. They won't like being cooped up in a 1 bed flat with a newborn baby and the cracks will show, no doubt about it. Seems they are already.

Just carry on being supportive, letting her know she and her baby have a home with you, and just be there to pick up the pieces.

xx

Marshmallow82

Beenie wrote: »

I feel very sorry for you if the story you've told is true, but why do you tolerate your daughter seeing someone linked with drugs, arson, personality disorder, poor education, a criminal record, zilch employment prospects, an unsavoury parent plus allowing her to live in accommadation with only one bedroom when there's 3 adults and soon a baby? It's a complete mystery to me.

She does not tolerate or allow it. the OP has done everything in her power to stop it, but the girl is adult so only social sevices can intervene

northerntwo1

unicorn1984 wrote: »

Although I agree that SS getting involved would be best in this situation, if I were this 16 year old, I would be VERY angry and upset if my own Mother reported me to SS. I know that its for her and the babies own good, but I can't imagine that she will be happy at all...... she is very immature and blinkered by "love" for this boy, and at the moment she probably thinks he is the best thing in the world and her Mum is just interfering, trying to control her. A knock on the door from a social worker, full of concern for her and the babies welfare is NOT going to go down well. I know they are there to help and support people, but I honestly don't see her taking it any other way than Mum not getting what she wants so she has "grassed" her and her BF up for being unfit parents.... a BF that she knows you don't like or think is suitable. She will see it as you going behind her back and going against her.

She needs to learn for herself that he is no good for her and the baby, which will take no time at all. If he doesn't push her away before the baby arrives, then certainly after the baby is born. They won't like being cooped up in a 1 bed flat with a newborn baby and the cracks will show, no doubt about it. Seems they are already.

Just carry on being supportive, letting her know she and her baby have a home with you, and just be there to pick up the pieces.

xx

The midwife will refer to SS at booking point due to age and concerns.

Shopper81

northerntwo1 wrote: »

The midwife will refer to SS at booking point due to age and concerns.

I agree northern, its inevitable that SS will be involved anyway, and I would still suggest that the OP contacts SS herself asap to discuss and make sure they have all relevant information. From an earlier post by OP I think there was a suggestion that a Housing Officer may have already made a report to SS? They are probably already aware, but the OP wont necessarily know straight away until they decide to contact her- which is why I would recommend getting some advice from them earlier the better.


And there is no reason that the daughter necessarily needs to know that her mother contacted SS to express her own concerns and ask for advice initially.


Good luck Kerry x