please help 16 and pregnant

margaretclare

boys dad has told my dd i have to give him the child benefit

Just a small point. I believe that CB is paid to the child's mother. The only exception to this would be if the child was not living with the mother.

There is no 'have to' about it.

Mojisola

kerry13238 wrote: »

boys dad has told my dd i have to give him the child benefit or not claim it i believe i have 4 weeks to inform them and i dont believe my dd wont come home im hoping that she will change her mind after a week at home.

Don't give up the CB. You are expecting your daughter to come home and live with you - if the DWP writes to you about the CB, just keep saying that.

If your daughter starts to cost him money instead of being a source of income and improved housing, he won't want her around.

Poppie68

margaretclare wrote: »

Just a small point. I believe that CB is paid to the child's mother. The only exception to this would be if the child was not living with the mother.

There is no 'have to' about it.

CB is paid to whoever the child lives with...mum, dad, grandparent or guardian...

OP i would speak to the BF dad and tell him you don't appreciate him discussing CB or CTC with your daughter and if he has any queries or has a problem with you claiming he needs to speak to you only.
It's good though that your daughter is coming home for a week, make it as relaxed and enjoyable as you can, and don't slag off the BF or even his dad...Also don't try and pressurize her into anything and bite your tongue if she says something you don't agree with..remember the aim is to get her home for good.

Anyway good luck, i hope it all works out for you.:)

kerry13238

When I spoke to the council I expressed my concern yesterday that my dd was molested when she was 11 by my ex partner and she forms unhealthy relationships with adult males.

I told them she mistakes control for love as she saw me go through a relationship like that previously. I found out that when they were trying for a baby she told a friend she was thinking about going back on the pill secretly. Why do that unless he had some hold over her?

The council officer said boys dad and my dd had said they don't want me to be given any information about what's going on why would my dd do that if the truth is being told?

I mentioned about how smoky the flat was and that my dd is on the sofa not in a bed really the boys dad should give up his bed for her council officer agreed.


I mentioned the boy is working full time they were not aware of that. The council officer said when she met my dd she seemed very nieive unrealistic and young for her age. She said cause of the drugs raid she was going to report it to social services but she wanted to get what I know first.

I told her my dd refuses a plastic baby or to care for her 2 year old half brother at her dads.

NYM

The simple solution would be to make living with you in your home preferable to living with those two men under the conditions you've expressed.

What is is that she thinks they can provide for her that you can't ?

Seriously, bite your tongue, and bide your time. She will have to make her own mind up, but each and every time you criticise her for something, the less inclined she'll be to 'come home'

I'd be interested to know what your relationship with her was like prior to all this. It might have a relevance on why things are getting out of control now.

Caroline_a

kerry13238 wrote: »

just a update. dd and boys dad went to the council with dad as agreed and the boys dad when my dad got there refused to let him in as he said it was private even though it had been agreed that one of us would go in with my dd so we had a understanding of what was being said and to make sure the truth was told.

boys dad says he is suing the council for telling me he isnt 4th on the list. dd is coming home for a week next week also she is coming away with me fri to visit a friend of mine that she really likes.

What planet is this numpty living on? Does he have the cash to do this? It sort of screams what sort of an uninformed idiot he is!

boys dad has told my dd i have to give him the child benefit or not claim it i believe i have 4 weeks to inform them and i dont believe my dd wont come home im hoping that she will change her mind after a week at home.

You don't have to give him anything. If anyone from the Child Benefit office contacts you just tell them that there is a home for your daughter in your house, and she is not permanently living with boyf's dad.


she has asked me if we can go baby shopping i have said if she is living at home i will get whats needed when we know how far she is but anything i buy stays at mine. she needs to decide where she is living before i get anything as i only need basics if she isnt living at home x

Be careful of this one. You need to say something like 'let's keep this here for the time being as you don't want it smelling of smoke before baby comes'

I absolutely think that Social Services should be involved with this, it sounds as if your daughter is being railroaded by the gold-digging dad. She probably knows deep down that it's all wrong, but doesnt know how to do anything about it. She'll be scared but putting on a defiant face - she needs an unattached adult 'friend' who can put an unbiased view to her.

I do hope it all works out for her and you.

Poppie68

kerry13238 wrote: »

When I spoke to the council I expressed my concern yesterday that my dd was molested when she was 11 by my ex partner and she forms unhealthy relationships with adult males.

I told them she mistakes control for love as she saw me go through a relationship like that previously. I found out that when they were trying for a baby she told a friend she was thinking about going back on the pill secretly. Why do that unless he had some hold over her?

The council officer said boys dad and my dd had said they don't want me to be given any information about what's going on why would my dd do that if the truth is being told?

I mentioned about how smoky the flat was and that my dd is on the sofa not in a bed really the boys dad should give up his bed for her council officer agreed.


I mentioned the boy is working full time they were not aware of that. The council officer said when she met my dd she seemed very nieive unrealistic and young for her age. She said cause of the drugs raid she was going to report it to social services but she wanted to get what I know first.

I told her my dd refuses a plastic baby or to care for her 2 year old half brother at her dads.

Sorry OP but i find it hard to believe they have given you any information at all...If you are telling the truth and the father is angry enough to say he is going to sue them i'm sure he created hell with them and the council officer with a loose mouth would be facing a disciplinary now.
Just a thought but how did the father find out so quick or at all that they gave you information?

SnooksNJ

dktreesea wrote: »

That is such a double standard.

So if the bf came from a well off family and his father had a nice house it would be okay for him to offer his home to both soon to be parents and their child, but because he's poor and doesn't have very good housing - a one bedroom places for two adults sounds like overcrowding to me - he's subjected to a whole lot of anti benefit/anti poor vitriol and cynicism?

I think doing drugs and exposing a pregnant woman(or should I say girl since the OP's daughter is a minor) to second hand smoke is bad in any household. But I respect your opinion it's perfectly acceptable behavior in a less affluent household.

SnooksNJ

kerry13238 wrote: »

Any advise is greatly appreciated yes the situation with my ex is relevant in my eyes but in dd it isn't which is why I have not mentioned it. I just want my daughter home safe and there is nothing hoax about this

From reading all this I suspect the incident with your Ex had more of an effect on your daughter than you realize.

margaretclare

SnooksNJ wrote: »

I think doing drugs and exposing a pregnant woman(or should I say girl since the OP's daughter is a minor) to second hand smoke is bad in any household. But I respect your opinion it's perfectly acceptable behavior in a less affluent household.

If it's 'less affluent' how can smoking and/or drugs be afforded?

They live in a 1-bedroom flat. These flats are designed for single people i.e. the dad on his own. Dad has managed to squeeze in his son but is proposing also to squeeze in a teenage girl and her baby? And surround the whole lot with second-hand smoke? This is not a 'double standard'. This is appalling. Before anyone starts, I know poverty. I grew up in it. This is not acceptable behaviour in the 21st century.