please help 16 and pregnant

Shopper81

Hi there I have just been reading through your post. I work for an organisation that houses young single mothers aged 16-25 in individual houses in the community with support. I don't know if there is anything like that in your area but your daughter would unlikely eligible as she is not homeless.


However, reading all the information you have given throughout the post about the boyfriend and his father and that housing situation; and taking into consideration that your daughter is still a child in the eyes of the law; if your daughter goes to live with them Social Services WILL be involved; as her midwife is likely to make a referral if nobody else does. In your situation (I have a 15 yr old daughter by the way and your story has pulled at my heartstrings!) I would make a Social Services referral myself for the daughter. Voice your concerns and ask for advice. Too many people are wary of SS involvement but that's usually when they don't want anyone interfering with them achieving what they want (ie the bf and his father most likely in this case!). Talk to your daughter about asking for some sensible extra advice (they may refer you to a local Family Support Worker / Family Mediation worker depending on services in your area). She is most likely to have considerable intervention once she moves towards her 3rd trimester and especially once the baby is born. The sooner you ask for some professional help as a family and have her agree to this; hopefully she will see that they have the interests of her and her baby as a priority (the priority of SS will ALWAYS be of the child; in this case that refers to both your daughter and the baby).


Try to help her understand that if living with bf is what she really wants then they will support her with this; but it has to be a viable option.


Also if you make the referral yourself then you will have a chance to get to know the professionals (Social Worker / Family Support Worker) and have them understand your point of view. Your daughter needs to understand that if she doesn't agree to this or gets upset with you over it; then it will happen anyway and its all for her and her baby's benefit as they are the most important in all this


And make sure she knows from you that everything you do and say is a result of how much you love her and her unborn. I'm sure you do anyway- but you can't tell her enough right now; even when she is fighting against you. x

kerry13238

Shopper81 wrote: »

Hi there I have just been reading through your post. I work for an organisation that houses young single mothers aged 16-25 in individual houses in the community with support. I don't know if there is anything like that in your area but your daughter would unlikely eligible as she is not homeless.


However, reading all the information you have given throughout the post about the boyfriend and his father and that housing situation; and taking into consideration that your daughter is still a child in the eyes of the law; if your daughter goes to live with them Social Services WILL be involved; as her midwife is likely to make a referral if nobody else does. In your situation (I have a 15 yr old daughter by the way and your story has pulled at my heartstrings!) I would make a Social Services referral myself for the daughter. Voice your concerns and ask for advice. Too many people are wary of SS involvement but that's usually when they don't want anyone interfering with them achieving what they want (ie the bf and his father most likely in this case!). Talk to your daughter about asking for some sensible extra advice (they may refer you to a local Family Support Worker / Family Mediation worker depending on services in your area). She is most likely to have considerable intervention once she moves towards her 3rd trimester and especially once the baby is born. The sooner you ask for some professional help as a family and have her agree to this; hopefully she will see that they have the interests of her and her baby as a priority (the priority of SS will ALWAYS be of the child; in this case that refers to both your daughter and the baby).


Try to help her understand that if living with bf is what she really wants then they will support her with this; but it has to be a viable option.


Also if you make the referral yourself then you will have a chance to get to know the professionals (Social Worker / Family Support Worker) and have them understand your point of view. Your daughter needs to understand that if she doesn't agree to this or gets upset with you over it; then it will happen anyway and its all for her and her baby's benefit as they are the most important in all this


And make sure she knows from you that everything you do and say is a result of how much you love her and her unborn. I'm sure you do anyway- but you can't tell her enough right now; even when she is fighting against you. x

Do you think they will tell her to stay at home? She is meeting her midwife next week she won't let me be there xx

Mojisola

kerry13238 wrote: »

Do you think they will tell her to stay at home? She is meeting her midwife next week she won't let me be there xx

The advice she gets is going to depend on what she tells them about her situation. If she paints an idealistic picture of her wonderful BF and his caring father, any advice will be based on this scenario.

kerry13238

That's why I'm doubling over and talking to everyone she speaks to to make sure they know what's going on x

kerry13238

And tbh the boy is incapable of keeping his mouth shut he told me the first time he met me he was on bail for arson x

anmarj

kerry13238 wrote: »

U he smashes her house up ect so all that must be on record to claim dla as you have to renew every year arnt you?

you do not renew every year for DLA, some have infinite awards or time limited, people on DLA will at some point be moved over to PIP and may have to go under assessement and remember it is about needing more care and mobility than a normal person, but if his condition has improved then he should be reporting it to the DLA unit, but given what you have written, do you see that happening?;)

Beenie

I have to get this off my chest. The thread is under the 'Benefits' site, and so far we have social services/family support/midwives/housing department and who knows what other 'departments' getting involved, and that's before we factor in the actual state benefits that will come streaming along.

I'm glad we have benefits for people who fall onto hard times not of their own making, but what I'm reading is the story of a witless teenager and her dead-leg boyfriend having a baby and expecting everyone else to pitch in.

I feel very sorry for you if the story you've told is true, but why do you tolerate your daughter seeing someone linked with drugs, arson, personality disorder, poor education, a criminal record, zilch employment prospects, an unsavoury parent plus allowing her to live in accommadation with only one bedroom when there's 3 adults and soon a baby? It's a complete mystery to me.

Mojisola

Beenie wrote: »

I feel very sorry for you if the story you've told is true, but why do you tolerate your daughter seeing someone linked with drugs, arson, personality disorder, poor education, a criminal record, zilch employment prospects, an unsavoury parent plus allowing her to live in accommadation with only one bedroom when there's 3 adults and soon a baby? It's a complete mystery to me.

What would you expect the OP to do? Lock her daughter in the cellar?

A sixteen year old is legally able to make her own decisions.

tinkerbellkirst

Hi Kerry,

I haven't had time to read the whole thread so forgive me if i am repeating what others have told you.

If she is 16 and not in education and a single parent (if she is living with you and he is not) she can claim Income Support, Child Tax credits and Child Benefit. If she is living with her partner it is slightly different.

If neither or either of them aren't in education the boyfriends dad will not be able to claim any benefits for them at all they will claim for themselves. Even if living with others they will be classed as a 'household' in their own right and can claim as such.

I was 16 when I had my daughter, she turned 8 today. My advice is to be open, let her have the boyfriend round to visit, and stay occasionally if you are able, this is the most likely way of keeping her living with you.

They wont be able to get a house as she is not homeless, only if you kicked her out and refused her somewhere to live, then they could get somewhere, but there is a LONG wait for social housing, and its not the way to go. She will need a lot of support even if she thinks she doesn't, I did a good job with my daughter but my mums support was invaluable when I lived with her.

When baby is here try and convince her to go back to college, Care to Learn is available for childcare costs, so she would do well to use it while its there, its so helpful and will encourage her to think of a career for her family, she'll need it. I used it to continue college for my 2nd year after doing my first year pregnant and I am so grateful it was there, its helped get me where I am today.

It certainly sounds like her boyfriends dad is only in it to try and get some more money from the system, he is deluded if he thinks he will get a 3 bed house, and is deluded if he thinks he can claim for them, he cannot.

We had a local connexions advisor that specialised in pregnant teenagers when I was at college, I booked in to see her, she was so so helpful, and helped me with SO much stuff, see if you have one available. I still see her to this day (through work) and I am so thankful for all the support she offered me.

Social Services would not automatically be involved due to her age, she is of the age of consent however I'm sure they would be becoming involved if she was moving in with people who were raided for drugs etc. This is not a suitable place for her to be moving to.

Its sad that she by the sounds of it isn't clear on doing what is best for her child which sadly suggests she isn't mature enough to be having her own child yet, but the more you push the further away she will go. Perhaps when the baby is here things will be clearer for her.

If there is anything else you would like to know please ask, you can PM me if you like.

I hope things work out.

Kirsty

tinkerbellkirst

kerry13238 wrote: »

Do you think they will tell her to stay at home? She is meeting her midwife next week she won't let me be there xx

I work as a family support worker and would certainly in her situation be telling her to stay at home.

I agree with making the referral yourself if she isnt listening to you. She wont like it but its for the good of your grandchild and her, she will eventually see you had good intentions. Do you have a local service that works with Teenage pregnancies? We have one that works with them until the child is 2 years of age, they are a health visitor but specialises in teen pregnancies, she needs to be referred before 24 weeks though. So the sooner she is referred the better, although her midwife should hopefully do this.

Kirsty