please help 16 and pregnant

kerry13238

thorsoak wrote: »

I ask the question again that you must ask your daughter - why are the father and son living in a ONE Bedroomed flat? And expecting your daughter to move in with them? Have you asked her that? Where will she and the bf sleep? There will not be another property for them all until after the baby is born - so where will the baby's things go until they get the promised 3-bedroomed house?

Suggest that she stays with you until after the baby is born .........;-)

She is convinced that they will get a house and the boys dad will pay all the bills on what I don't know as he is with a agency and has been off sick for 6 weeks so I'm assuming no pay.

I said to her tonight again about coming home and she says no I said I don't start work till 10 I will teach her to drive when she is 17 and I will walk to work as it's across the road and she can have my car during the day I will pay the insurance. Her auntie is a full time mum as is one of my friends and they will take her to parent toddler groups. My dad is retired and will do what he can but she still wants to live with the bf. I just won't have him he bullies her into things she has no friends cause he argues with them and he makes her chose.

He smokes like a trooper and he even asks her for her birthday money for pizzas and stuff she pays for everything.

Mojisola

kerry13238 wrote: »

she still wants to live with the bf. I just won't have him he bullies her into things she has no friends cause he argues with them and he makes her chose.

He smokes like a trooper and he even asks her for her birthday money for pizzas and stuff she pays for everything.

Wonderful father material!

I would be even more worried about her situation knowing that he is like that and that his father sees the pregnancy as a means to better housing.

Are they planning on her getting pregnant over and over again so that the benefits will keep rolling in?

NYM

kerry13238 wrote: »

She is convinced that they will get a house and the boys dad will pay all the bills ....

She might not be ready to accept what you say, so, why don't you take her to your local Housing Dept and let them advise her on her likely entitlements, if any.

ouchy2012

Firstly congratulations on becoming a nanny

Secondly if your daughter is living with her boyfriend and both are unemployed they will need to make a joint claim which should be for JSA. If i remember rightly income support can not be claimed under 18 they do how ever have a hardship payment in place although this may be different for young mums.

Any tax credits and child benefit for the baby once born will be claimed by your daughter/her boyfriend. They could also go on the housing register to be housed.


I have to say I find it very upsetting you are willing to give your daughter and grandchild a home but not her boyfriend, why would you want to split a young family up? I know if i was in your situation I would want my daughter under my roof so i could help out and keep an eye on her but would also allow the boyfriend as it is unfair to separate father and child.

nannytone_2

in support of the OP ...
i also wouldnt allow my 16 year okds coyfriend to move inm regardless of if she was pregnant or not!
she is still a child, albeit a pregnant one.
once she is 18 she can choose for herself, but until then, ger parents call the shots!
i would also let her move in with the boufreind if thats what she is determined to do ... but i'd ,ake sure that she knows that the door is always open when the poo hits the fan

patanne

I have to say that I think it would be better to pay just over 10% of my income to the boyfriends father rather than have a heavily smoking bully living with me in my own home, you & your son would have no peace in your own home. It could well be a lot cheaper too! As Nannytone says make sure she knows the door is always open because for sure the poo IS going to hit the fan

Sncjw

I think yould sit them both down and get them to write list if what baby needs with prices then add it all up. Add bills on because very much doubt his dad will fully pay bills. Then ask them how you going to pay for this. Don't forget to add baby food nappies . Show them it cost a lot of money where are they going to find it.

ouchy2012

nannytone wrote: »

in support of the OP ...
i also wouldnt allow my 16 year okds coyfriend to move inm regardless of if she was pregnant or not!
she is still a child, albeit a pregnant one.
once she is 18 she can choose for herself, but until then, ger parents call the shots!
i would also let her move in with the boufreind if thats what she is determined to do ... but i'd ,ake sure that she knows that the door is always open when the poo hits the fan

I honestly can not understand how anyone could let their daughter do this, I would feel much better if they were where I could keep an eye on them.

ouchy2012

patanne wrote: »

I have to say that I think it would be better to pay just over 10% of my income to the boyfriends father rather than have a heavily smoking bully living with me in my own home, you & your son would have no peace in your own home. It could well be a lot cheaper too! As Nannytone says make sure she knows the door is always open because for sure the poo IS going to hit the fan

If he is bullying her then surely it is likely to be worse if she lives with him? Surely he is less likely to bully her if living at her parents home? I could never send my child of to live with someone who would treat them bad, I would want them near me where I could watch and if necessary intervene.

Is the poo going to hit the fan? how do you know? I know many people who have got pregnant very young and years later are still with the same person and the relationship is still going strong.

FBaby

You are experiencing every mum of a teenage daughter worse nightmare seeing her daughter full of prospects losing any common sense to falling in love to a loser. I really feel for you. Your daughter has clearly fallen in love with this guy and thinks the sun shines of his a**, so that until things start to go wrong, she will go along with everything he says and do, which I too suspect included having the baby.

Unfortunately, the more you reject him the more she will take it as a rejection of her and therefore will result in you being pushed away. I think you are coping with the situation brilliantly and not alienating her, however, things will be difficult because of you rejecting him as now a full part of your family. However much you think he is no good for her, do keep in mind that he might turn out to be ok and supportive partner and dad and you don't want them to feel that you just were not there for them as a couple when they needed it the most.

It is a sad situation because you are now caught in a corner where you have to be there for your daughter, but unfortunately, to a degree, it will now be under her terms or risk losing her. With time though, she will get to see that you mean well and just want the best for her. Being a mum will help her see why you feel so protective of her. I wish you good luck.