please help 16 and pregnant

kerry13238

He can't get cb cause I won't sign for her being with him and she isn't in education x

headachesrus

I think you need to step back a little here.


If she thinks moving in with the bf and his dad is such a good idea, let her. Presumably there is plenty of time before the baby is due?


Two scenarios: a: everything turns out wonderfully for them or b: she will realise that living squashed in a one bed flat, whilst pregnant, and a flake of a boyfriend, and more of a flake of a father isn't such a good idea, and she will be back with you in no time.


You can still be supportive of her, take her to midwife appts etc, but anything involving him, she is on her own.

NYM

I think Social Services would be responsible for her.

RAS

kerry13238 wrote: »

Someone has told me the boys dad can claim csa from me for my daughter living there is that correct? Xx

Only if she is in full-time education or an approved scheme. So shew could sign on for one of the 20 week young people's schemes at the Job centre to meet the requirement.

You get an allowance for your son (think this is 12% of gross salary) and then the person with whom the child lives gets 12% of the 88% left over.

RAS

kerry13238 wrote: »

He can't get cb cause I won't sign for her being with him and she isn't in education x

But you cannot keep on claiming for her since she has left education and there is nothing then to stop him claiming if she signs on for a JSA scheme.

dktreesea

kerry13238 wrote: »

the bf hasnt met the required attendance at college last year so wont be aloud back to college this year. i am happy for my daughter to come home and the baby but i will not let her bf move in i have plenty of room and will do what i can.

my daughter has been told by the bf and the bf dad that the council will give them a 3 bedroom house and they can live there and he will carry on claiming tax credits and cb for the 19 year old son.

my daughter can come home any time im just not going to take on the responsibility for her bf.

the bf says he will go to college full time and work in the evenings but as he cant even manage 85% attendance at college i cant see how he will manage this. my daughter will be alone all the time with a baby but she wont listen to anyone but him

A child needs a mother and a father. Your daughter's boyfriend's father is prepared to move out of his home, set up a new home just to keep that family together. It sounds to me like you are much better placed to offer both your daughter and her boyfriend a home but would rather not.

It seems to me your daughter would be better off bringing up the baby with her baby's father and grandfather to help, since you are clearly only prepared to offer your home to part of the baby's family.

As for trying to persuade your daughter to have a termination, please don't. I have friends who let their mothers and fathers persuade them along that route. Four children and 40 years later and one of them still grieves for her dead son and the terrible decision she was persuaded into all those years ago. You have no idea, the damage to your relationship with your daughter you are doing by suggesting she kill her unborn child. You may not see it as a child yet, but you can be sure she does.

Mojisola

dktreesea wrote: »

Your daughter's boyfriend's father is prepared to move out of his home, set up a new home just to keep that family together.

Or he has seen a way to move to a three bedroom house instead of a one bed flat and bring in extra income through the benefits available to the couple.

If he was really interested in their well-being, he'd be helping them to get their own family home together.

whodathunkit

dktreesea wrote: »

A child needs a mother and a father. Your daughter's boyfriend's father is prepared to move out of his home, set up a new home just to keep that family together. It sounds to me like you are much better placed to offer both your daughter and her boyfriend a home but would rather not.

It seems to me your daughter would be better off bringing up the baby with her baby's father and grandfather to help, since you are clearly only prepared to offer your home to part of the baby's family.

As for trying to persuade your daughter to have a termination, please don't. I have friends who let their mothers and fathers persuade them along that route. Four children and 40 years later and one of them still grieves for her dead son and the terrible decision she was persuaded into all those years ago. You have no idea, the damage to your relationship with your daughter you are doing by suggesting she kill her unborn child. You may not see it as a child yet, but you can be sure she does.

What a terribly biased opinion on a woman's right to choose.

flashnazia

What is it with stupid young girls who think the only thing they are good for is being a mum?
Sounds like she was manipulated into having this baby....

thorsoak

I ask the question again that you must ask your daughter - why are the father and son living in a ONE Bedroomed flat? And expecting your daughter to move in with them? Have you asked her that? Where will she and the bf sleep? There will not be another property for them all until after the baby is born - so where will the baby's things go until they get the promised 3-bedroomed house?

Suggest that she stays with you until after the baby is born .........;-)