please help 16 and pregnant

kerry13238

Your right I think she does have to stay in education. I'm happy for th bf to be round as much as he wants but I'm not feeding him and letting him stay

duchy

I do think with a sixteen year old it can be better to present "choices" (making sure yours are more attractive of course) rather than going head to head- especially with a loser boyfriend and his Dad with their own agendas in the mix.

Poppie68

kerry13238 wrote: »

Your right I think she does have to stay in education. I'm happy for th bf to be round as much as he wants but I'm not feeding him and letting him stay

You seem to be very angry wwith the BF, this baby was made by both the BF and your daughter... trust me when i say by being stubborn and saying things like your not feeding him etc is only going to make for a harder life for all of you. I have been through this myself with my daughter, even though she was 22 i still wasn't totally happy and didn't think the BF was right for her, he works hard, earns good money and loves my daughter but i was stubborn and wouldn't let myself like him..in the end when my grandaughter was born i bit my tongue, swallowed my pride and opened my house to him..i'm glad i did because i saw a side of him i was missing because i was so angry.
Also trust me when i say 16 year old girls have a switch that turns them into something from the twilight zone...i've got three of my own and all have always been well behaved and are now career girls..including the one with the baby, but they were 'EVIL' when they were 16 their hormones where ripe and bouncing all over the place....imagine what they do to a 16 year that is pregnant....i shiver thinking about it.

Stop being angry and sit and have an adult conversation with the pair of them...she will have to start behaving like an adult and with that comes making choices and if they are the wrong ones they can be put right.. Make your home attractive to her, offer to go to the midwife appointments...get involved with preparing for the baby, massage her feet..(i did it numerous times)...but most of all give her a cuddle and tell her everything will be ok...it's a baby not a nuclear bomb.

whodathunkit

kerry13238 wrote: »

She is coming out of education

You keep saying this but why is she doing it? If she must go ahead with the pregnancy then at least she needn't limit her options even more by dropping out.

whodathunkit

kerry13238 wrote: »

My daughters bf said to me a few months ago do I think he would be a good dad I said no as they were to young and my daughter needs to go to college get a job etc. and live a bit. I was told 2 months ago by one of her friends that they were trying for a baby hence why I suggested the implant in return they could see each other unsupervised.

The flat they live in got raided for drugs a few months ago and it’s not a safe environment for my daughter or my grandchild.

I had my daughter at 18 and she keeps saying to me well you managed but me and her dad had jobs and bought a house 2 months after and supported ourselves. Two years later however he left and didn’t see her or our son for 7 years and I had to find a way to manage.

Having him stay over won’t work we live 10 miles away and he can’t get here without lifts a lot of the time unless someone picks him up.

Im due to start a new job this week and I will have to work a lot of hours and I have my son to think of as well and I can’t be chasing around after him support her and my son and a baby. he will have to make his own way and my worry is what if this happens again and there are two babies i dont want him staying over night.

So it wasn't even an accident then!:eek::eek:

kerry13238

She says it was a accident but I'm not sure I'm worried she is being used as a meal ticket. I have told her I won't say another word about it and I would love her to come home. She is refusing to go to college

BigAunty

Social housing allocations policy vary from area to area in England due to the discretion that local councils/housing associations are given under the Localism act. Policies are also different between England and Scotland. Generally, though, they prioritise the homeless and someone who is adequately housed is the lowest priority.

You should find the allocations policy for your local council to determine how they would treat your daughter if she applies to be a tenant and also the scenario that the Father in Law proposes where he thinks he would be allocated a bigger flat if they move in (some councils, I believe, don't class certain aged non-dependents or people who move into the household as factors that would warrant being considered for a bigger property, for example).

You can model the benefit scenarios that are being proposed on the Turn2us online benefit checker (i.e. her entitlements if she lives with you, or with the Fil, or together in a 2 bed flat with the boyf).

FBaby

Surely if she is on the implant, it is an accident....unless she lied to you about having it done.

Gigglepig

Is there anyone outside the family the daughter can talk to - at that age she is more likely to listen to an outsider than her mum?

Sounds like this 16yo and bf are in lalah land - tried for a baby??? Claim they will support the baby but won't attend college & don't have jobs... relies on their parents for lifts... ? This sounds like a disaster waiting to happen, I understand OP must be worried sick

kerry13238

she was pregnant before the implant went in she just didnt know