a fool in love

lostinrates

Morglin wrote: »

Well, I am not a Christian, so the religious aspect is irrelevant yo me, but I took my marriage vows seriously, and would not cheat on my husband, simply because I love him and if you love someone (in my view) you are faithful to them. End of.

(Unlike the next Monarch and Defender of the Faith that will be crowned, and who the good Christians of this country will no doubt accept) ....:whistle:

But, marriages are complicated things, and I think it's a little simplistic to automatically assume that the 'wronged' partner, in all this, is entirely blameless.

Who knows what another relationship may be like?

She may be wholly innocent and undeserving of strife, but I don't know her, and nor does anyone else on here!

I was married, the first time, for over 30 years, and trust me, people can hurt each other in ways that don't involve being unfaithful!:eek:

The only two people who are responsible for being faithful are the two involved, as marriages and them being happy, are not anyone else's responsibility.

It's not about fraud - bring unfaithful doesn't make a marriage illegal, as many people are always unfaithful!

I am not judging anyone, as life is never black and white, and we all have to set our own boundaries, but I stand by my views that the OP has no responsibility for the wife.

Whether she chooses to continue the relationship is her choice to make.

Lin

I am not a Christian either, And had a civil service , but its relevant that society has taken a view on this. I don't know about other services and customs here evolve from those so it made a good example.

Just as my 'frustration of a contract ' example did. Just because many people do something btw doesn't make it not right. That we can cite partners and their lovers affairs for reasons of divorce suggests that it is seen as something that is deemed a 'potential responsibility'.

Of course, its easier to deny this and accept no moral responsibility for our actions what ever they are. We all get things wrong, and I certainly agree things aren't black and white always. Being right all the time is a ridiculous expectation of anyone, its not about being 'faultless', accepting responsibility to minimise repeating mistakes ( and protecting ourselves) is not.

You might stand by your view that we have no moral responsibility to others in society. I stand by mine that we do, on this issue and others.

dandelionclock30

I think it boils down to do you just want to be a shag or do you want a partner who you can trust, share things with and will do things with you.
You know like invest in your life etc.
Theres no way a married map can really plan or do things with you like holidays and weekends away and various adventures.
I think most people if they are honest want more than being a shag from a relationship. Its if they think they are worth this.
OP do you have a self confidence/low self esteem issue? if so then work on it with a therapist or something.Because being with a married man will do nothing for your self confidence at all. He doesnt want you for your personality and intellect, he just wants a lay.
Tell him your ending it and that it is period, no ifs and butts and tell him he's not to contact you anymore. Block his numbers from your phone. This should be enough for most people unless they are a stalker.
Then put some time into doing the things you want to do and on developing yourself. You in time will meet someone who willtreat you better than this guy. Just spending time with new people will be better for you than being with him.

Morglin

lostinrates wrote: »

I am not a Christian either, And had a civil service , but its relevant that society has taken a view on this. I don't know about other services and customs here evolve from those so it made a good example.

Just as my 'frustration of a contract ' example did. Just because many people do something btw doesn't make it not right. That we can cite partners and their lovers affairs for reasons of divorce suggests that it is seen as something that is deemed a 'potential responsibility'.

Of course, its easier to deny this and accept no moral responsibility for our actions what ever they are. We all get things wrong, and I certainly agree things aren't black and white always. Being right all the time is a ridiculous expectation of anyone, its not about being 'faultless', accepting responsibility to minimise repeating mistakes ( and protecting ourselves) is not.

You might stand by your view that we have no moral responsibility to others in society. I stand by mine that we do, on this issue and others.

Have to disagree then.

I wouldn't set out to harm anyone, but then again, I don't judge people (in emotional issues) because I haven't walked a mile in their shoes.

I can only be the arbiter of my own morals.

Lin

4given

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm not saying that all marriages are perfect.

What I am saying - and did say in my earlier reply - is if someone (male or female) is not happy in their marriage and talking has not resolved the issue, then they should do the decent thing and discuss divorce.

They should not 'stray' and shag some random person behind their partner's back.

I've not said that the OP is the only one at fault.
Of course she isn't.
I wouldn't even say the married man is 'just as guilty'. I'd say he was more guilty as he has commitments to his wife and children (I'm assuming the OP is single).

But even if she didn't make the first move, she didn't reject his advances, and she did allow this affair to happen and carry on for a year.

It's not about apportioning blame, it's about doing the right thing.
The OP apparently knows what the right thing to do is - let's just hope she actually means to do it.

Thanks Pollycat I'm determined to do the right thing and I know it's still early days but this is second day and i'm feeling good.

Pollycat

4given wrote: »

Thanks Pollycat I'm determined to do the right thing and I know it's still early days but this is second day and i'm feeling good.

Then well done to you for getting this far. :T

If you are still so determined to end it after a week or 2 maybe it will be time to talk to your friends again - as you say, they will probably still say 'we told you so' but instead of condemning you because you had an affair with a married man, I would hope that they will support you because you had the strength and sense to end it.

I know that that is how I would treat a friend in the same circumstances as you are in.

My (ex) best friend started an affair with another member of our social circle, she was married, he was single.

I knew (and worked with) her husband.
We were in my house one evening after a night out in the pub and I came downstairs to find her and this bloke in a clinch in the dining room. Husband was in the lounge.

They asked me not to tell her husband as they wanted time to make arrangements to move in together.
I told them they had to tell him immediately as I simply would not have been able to look him in the eye knowing what was going on behind his back.

4given

Judi wrote: »

Did you really think you'd get sympathy on a public forum when the majority of posters are women?

No I did not,

4given

Pollycat wrote: »

Then well done to you for getting this far. :T

If you are still so determined to end it after a week or 2 maybe it will be time to talk to your friends again - as you say, they will probably still say 'we told you so' but instead of condemning you because you had an affair with a married man, I would hope that they will support you because you had the strength and sense to end it.

I know that that is how I would treat a friend in the same circumstances as you are in.

My (ex) best friend started an affair with another member of our social circle, she was married, he was single.

I knew (and worked with) her husband.
We were in my house one evening after a night out in the pub and I came downstairs to find her and this bloke in a clinch in the dining room. Husband was in the lounge.

They asked me not to tell her husband as they wanted time to make arrangements to move in together.
I told them they had to tell him immediately as I simply would not have been able to look him in the eye knowing what was going on behind his back.

Thanks I will continue to update how i'm doing if u don't mind,most of u good people have given me strength and I am grateful for it.I just wish I had been wiser( hindsight is a good thing wish they sold it in shops)

travis32

yeah, you are doing wrong. If you knew about it, then you should stay away of this. Regret is not a solution.

TrickyWicky

4given wrote: »

Thanks I will continue to update how i'm doing if u don't mind,most of u good people have given me strength and I am grateful for it.I just wish I had been wiser( hindsight is a good thing wish they sold it in shops)

Stay strong and don't let the MSE'ers grind you down!

Pollycat

TrickyWicky wrote: »

Stay strong and don't let the MSE'ers grind you down!

But do take the advice that most MSE'ers have given you to end this affair.