a fool in love

Pollycat

4given wrote: »

believe me some affairs just happen, there was no plan , we were two people who just found attracted to each other and on my part i do't know why i did it.I honestly can't give a reason.This not an excuse believe me u i feel absolutely appalled at my behaviour.Whilst i cannot change the past i will accept i did wrong and hopefully learn from it

No matter how you try to justify your actions, Mojisola and tea lover are absolutely right.

Mojisola wrote: »

The attraction can "just happen" - acting on the attraction and having sex takes some planning.

tea_lover wrote: »

Utter, utter BS. Sex with another person does not 'just happen' - otherwise none of us would be safe to leave the house without accidentally sh@gging anyone we bumped into.

You CHOSE to have an affair, your CHOSE to sleep with a married man. Take some responsibility and stop spouting this 'couldn't help it' b*ll*cks.

catkins

4given wrote: »

believe me some affairs just happen, there was no plan , we were two people who just found attracted to each other and on my part i do't know why i did it.I honestly can't give a reason.This not an excuse believe me u i feel absolutely appalled at my behaviour.Whilst i cannot change the past i will accept i did wrong and hopefully learn from it

NO affairs EVER just happen. Pathetic people try and make out they do but they don't.


People are attracted to other people often but most of them don't just jump into bed with them and pretend they "couldn't help it".

lostinrates

Morglin wrote: »

The only thing I would say is that the only one breaking his marriage vows, and the only one responsible for the wife, is, actually the man in this!

The OP must make her own choices, but I expect the man willingly went to bed with her, and wasn't dragged away from his wife, kicking and screaming. :whistle:

For whatever reason, he obviously likes to get his jollies elsewhere, and his wife's position and possible unhappiness in this is not really the responsibility of the OP.

Many people like going out with 'married others' so there is no commitment or expectations, but it's really up to the 'married others' to stay faithful.

Lin

Historically as a society we observe that these vows benefitted from so cities strength in the belief of their value I think. I would imagine that's why the Christian service has the bit about 'let no one put asunder' in it.

Now , we're not all Christian, but the same applies to those of us who aren't I think, that in a society where we observe something like marriage and partnership and as a whole believe it to be something that has value ( whether for us personally or not, we accept it exists in our society and do not protest against us, to me the ' well I made no vows' bit is a cop out. Its like....well, I didn't agree to pay taxes, or trying to say that you had no moral obligation to step in to help someone in need or who is the victim of crime.

In a purely factual an unemotional context, if marriage is a contract and its being broken in deception ( or the partner is remaining in that contract in a fraudulent manner) then the lover is arguably an accomplice to that fraud. ( morally only of course, I am making no legal supposition.)

susieq87

4given wrote: »

believe me some affairs just happen, there was no plan , we were two people who just found attracted to each other and on my part i do't know why i did it.I honestly can't give a reason.This not an excuse believe me u i feel absolutely appalled at my behaviour.Whilst i cannot change the past i will accept i did wrong and hopefully learn from it

please take a seat! attraction is not a magnet that you cannot help but be drawn and cling onto the other person. you knew he was married and you still decided to sneak around with him. not acting on attraction does not kill you. you both lacked morals and respect for this thing you have going and neither of you thought about what it could do to the other party if they found out.
so please girl, dont say it wasnt planned.when you were PLANNING your secret meetings that was a plan.

like i said take a seat!

Person_one

Morglin wrote: »

The only thing I would say is that the only one breaking his marriage vows, and the only one responsible for the wife, is, actually the man in this!

The OP must make her own choices, but I expect the man willingly went to bed with her, and wasn't dragged away from his wife, kicking and screaming. :whistle:

For whatever reason, he obviously likes to get his jollies elsewhere, and his wife's position and possible unhappiness in this is not really the responsibility of the OP.

Many people like going out with 'married others' so there is no commitment or expectations, but it's really up to the 'married others' to stay faithful.

Lin

Don't we all have a responsibility to behave decently towards each other, as human beings?

Heffi1

This site illustrates that sometimes people are looking for more, I make no judgement on anyone, men cheat on their wives, wives cheat on their husbands, it has happened for centuries and will continue to do so, nothing we say or do will change that fact.

Judging another person on the other hand is not a nice thing to do. Mistakes can and do happen, but at the end of the day, the OP has realised that she would like to resolve this issue and is looking for some support to help her do that, not for women to gang up on her and reinforce how terrible she is.

http://www.illicitencounters.com/l/default/?adgroup=Illicit_Encounters_Brand-Brand_Illicit_MIsspells&utm_term=illicit%20encounters_E&gclid=COWW5bzi_r4CFW3MtAodlg8AWw

Tag line says:
Married but Feeling neglected? In need of some excitement?
Illicit Encounters is a discreet & confidential extra-marital dating service for women & men...

If people want to cheat then they will find a way to do it, whether that is by meeting someone in the workplace, or via an online site, the people they meet in some cases go in with their eyes wide open, maybe they are not looking for a full time partner, maybe they are lonely, but have reasons not to get into a relationship.

It takes all sorts to make the world go round and the traditional, man meets woman they live happily ever after is sadly a bit dated nowadays for 'some people'

FBaby

I disagree. If your (not you personally) OH is doing your head in so much that you think about sleeping with someone else, leave them. If you don't want to be with someone anymore, if you don't get on, if you don't like them - leave them. Don't cheat and then blame them.

Except that it is often not their partner doing their head in that lead them to having an affair. It is often a long seeded frustration, that they have tried many times to resolve, let it be by discussing it or even going to counselling to no avail. They often don't leave because they still love their partner/wife and want things to work out with them. I think some even do go on to have an affair as a last resort to make their partner react.

Of course, I don't agree one bit that this is the right thing to do, but I do believe that in many case, it is desperation after months/years of frustration that are leading some people to cheat on the person they love the most, often people who claimed before that they would never do such a thing.

Mojisola

Heffi1 wrote: »

This site illustrates that sometimes people are looking for more, I make no judgement on anyone, men cheat on their wives, wives cheat on their husbands, it has happened for centuries and will continue to do so, nothing we say or do will change that fact.

Is that a reason to condone it?

Judging another person on the other hand is not a nice thing to do.

We all judge each other on the things we say and do. We wouldn't ever know whether we liked or didn't like someone if we didn't.

If a husband can't respect his wife enough to stay faithful, he has the option of leaving the relationship. Lying to his spouse while he meets up with and has sex with another woman is "not a nice thing to do".

Adults make choices about how they live their lives. If you choose to act on an attraction to a married person, there aren't going to be many people who say "Well done!" to you.

lostinrates

Heffi1 wrote: »

It takes all sorts to make the world go round and the traditional, man meets woman they live happily ever after is sadly a bit dated nowadays for 'some people'

But that's a separate issue entirely. * You'll not see me personally argue against mutually consensual arrangements, but I would against someone being deceived. That's not 'all sorts' that's just the 'wrong sort'.

I agree though, that making errors is something we all do, and that in rectifying them support should be offered.

As such I commend op , but I also feel to move on and not repeat accepting responsibility and that it does' just happen' and that 'its not you who was in the wrong ' lines don't really support op's resolve much.

Good luck op.

* and one I understand would be offensive in the confusion of the situations to those who practise the kind of relationships you might consider 'all sorts'

catkins

Heffi1 wrote: »

This site illustrates that sometimes people are looking for more, I make no judgement on anyone, men cheat on their wives, wives cheat on their husbands, it has happened for centuries and will continue to do so, nothing we say or do will change that fact.

Judging another person on the other hand is not a nice thing to do. Mistakes can and do happen, but at the end of the day, the OP has realised that she would like to resolve this issue and is looking for some support to help her do that, not for women to gang up on her and reinforce how terrible she is.

http://www.illicitencounters.com/l/default/?adgroup=Illicit_Encounters_Brand-Brand_Illicit_MIsspells&utm_term=illicit%20encounters_E&gclid=COWW5bzi_r4CFW3MtAodlg8AWw

Tag line says:
Married but Feeling neglected? In need of some excitement?
Illicit Encounters is a discreet & confidential extra-marital dating service for women & men...

If people want to cheat then they will find a way to do it, whether that is by meeting someone in the workplace, or via an online site, the people they meet in some cases go in with their eyes wide open, maybe they are not looking for a full time partner, maybe they are lonely, but have reasons not to get into a relationship.

It takes all sorts to make the world go round and the traditional, man meets woman they live happily ever after is sadly a bit dated nowadays for 'some people'

Having an affair is not "making a mistake" in my view nor in many other people's view.


As to your last paragraph - yes it takes all sorts and if couples agree to sleep with other people that is up to them but I am assuming in this case the man's wife had NOT agreed any such thing?


Maybe more couples would "live happily ever after" if people started taking responsibility for their actions and stopped thinking affairs are something that "can't be helped" or are ok