a fool in love

Heffi1

I am not excusing the behaviour of those that choose to cheat, that is for their conscience, but whenever this subject comes up, it seems that the other person is always to blame, and in my mind the one who should take the blame is the one who is attached, either married or in a long term monogamous relationship, if it were not that other person it would be another.

The person who is attached is the one who makes the decision (rightly or wrongly) to stray then they should take responsibility for the fallout.

If there is an agreement to an open style of relationship then that is a different kettle of fish entirely, in this case I doubt that is what is happening.

To the OP I say this, if you feel that you want to get away from this man, then you need to take steps to not make contact and ignore any contact they may make. give yourself time and distance and put this down to a mistake on your part, watch for the danger signs in the future and go on with your life, he will find another person to pick up where you left him, and you can (if you want to) find someone who is single and available for a relationship.

Pollycat

Heffi1 wrote: »

Judging another person on the other hand is not a nice thing to do. Mistakes can and do happen, but at the end of the day, the OP has realised that she would like to resolve this issue and is looking for some support to help her do that, not for women to gang up on her and reinforce how terrible she is.

Actually, according to the OP, she is not looking for support.

4given wrote: »

i'm not asking for your support, i know i did wrong and nothing u can say can make it worse.I just wanted someone to talk to.Anyone else thank you for your replies i appreciate it.

TBH, I'm not really sure what she is looking for.

Someone to talk to?

What did she expect random strangers on t'internet to say?

She's already posted that she can't talk to her friends because they would only say 'we told you so'.

FBaby

Maybe just let it out of her system so it makes it easier for her to take the decision required to end it for good, something that clearly she wants to do but finds hard.

4given

Pollycat wrote: »

Actually, according to the OP, she is not looking for support.



TBH, I'm not really sure what she is looking for.

Someone to talk to?

What did she expect random strangers on t'internet to say?

She's already posted that she can't talk to her friends because they would only say 'we told you so'.

No need to bite my head off(already done that myself)I just wanted to talk to someone, u don't have to answer.To everyone else thank u for your kind replies.I am learning and seeing the error of my ways.I hope one day I will be able to forgive myself

4given

FBaby wrote: »

Maybe just let it out of her system so it makes it easier for her to take the decision required to end it for good, something that clearly she wants to do but finds hard.

Thank you, that's exactly what I wanted just to let it out.

4given

Heffi1 wrote: »

I am not excusing the behaviour of those that choose to cheat, that is for their conscience, but whenever this subject comes up, it seems that the other person is always to blame, and in my mind the one who should take the blame is the one who is attached, either married or in a long term monogamous relationship, if it were not that other person it would be another.

The person who is attached is the one who makes the decision (rightly or wrongly) to stray then they should take responsibility for the fallout.

If there is an agreement to an open style of relationship then that is a different kettle of fish entirely, in this case I doubt that is what is happening.

To the OP I say this, if you feel that you want to get away from this man, then you need to take steps to not make contact and ignore any contact they may make. give yourself time and distance and put this down to a mistake on your part, watch for the danger signs in the future and go on with your life, he will find another person to pick up where you left him, and you can (if you want to) find someone who is single and available for a relationship.

Thanks ,I have taken the first step today.I made a mistake and am sorry

Pollycat

4given wrote: »

No need to bite my head off(already done that myself)I just wanted to talk to someone, u don't have to answer.To everyone else thank u for your kind replies.I am learning and seeing the error of my ways.I hope one day I will be able to forgive myself

I wasn't biting your head off.
Believe me, if I'd intended to bite your head off, you would know about it.

Look love - when you put your dirty laundry out in the public domain, don't expect to get a pat on the back and everybody saying 'There, there, it's not your fault'.

Lots of people who post on this specific board have been on the wrong end of their partner cheating on them.
You can hardly expect tea and sympathy.

If you are serious about ending this affair, do it - and do it now!

4given

Pollycat wrote: »

I wasn't biting your head off.
Believe me, if I'd intended to bite your head off, you would know about it.

Look love - when you put your dirty laundry out in the public domain, don't expect to get a pat on the back and everybody saying 'There, there, it's not your fault'.

Lots of people who post on this specific board have been on the wrong end of their partner cheating on them.
You can hardly expect tea and sympathy.

If you are serious about ending this affair, do it - and do it now!

Who said I want a pat on the back, if u read my posts I have admitted I was wrong.I only wanted to talk,I know it's a public forum so I have every right to post as well.Anyway thanks I shall ignore your posts as it seems i'm not understanding u.Take care

lostinrates

Heffi1 wrote: »

I am not excusing the behaviour of those that choose to cheat, that is for their conscience, but whenever this subject comes up, it seems that the other person is always to blame, and in my mind the one who should take the blame is the one who is attached, either married or in a long term monogamous relationship, if it were not that other person it would be another.
I'd suggest that if a cheating spouse were to post here they would not be greeted with soft words and lack of robustness in response. Most of the threads I have seen are from lovers or those cheated on.
The person who is attached is the one who makes the decision (rightly or wrongly) to stray then they should take responsibility for the fallout.responsibility is not a can with one handle. Blame can be shared and held by more than one, with responsibility different in different cases

If there is an agreement to an open style of relationship then that is a different kettle of fish entirely, in this case I doubt that is what is happening.exactly. Someone is being deceived and contributing to a household financially and of themselves. The vows are being broken by one person, but the deception and practical damage done by two.

To the OP I say this, if you feel that you want to get away from this man, then you need to take steps to not make contact and ignore any contact they may make. give yourself time and distance and put this down to a mistake on your part, watch for the danger signs in the future and go on with your life, he will find another person to pick up where you left him, and you can (if you want to) find someone who is single and available for a relationship.

He may well have an affair again, op, but you can go on not to, with him or anyone else. Find someone who loves you and is free to tell everyone in their lives how much they love you. To go to social events with you, spend holidays with you, to have a future with and a nice story to tell about how you met not a sort of blush inducing bluster over something that reflects on you both poorly. Someone who you can be proud of who they are, not always know they were the person who treated their wife so ....

Again, good luck.

4given

lostinrates wrote: »

He may well have an affair again, but you can go on not to, with him or anyone else. Find someone who loves you and is free to tell everyone in their lives how much they love you. To go to social events with you, spend holidays with you, to have a future with and a nice story to tell about how you met not a sort of blush inducing bluster over something that reflects on you both poorly. Someone who you can be proud of who they are, not always know they were the person who treated their wife so ....

Again, good luck.

Thank for your honest,I appreciate it