How to "get rid" of a "friend".

Slinky

I'd be answering the door with a phone clamped to my ear - 'sorry I can't talk I'm on the phone.' If you do get caught on the phone - 'sorry, somebody has just come to the door' is one I use to break off a conversation'

Azmataz

oldtractor wrote: »

Sorry that the title is so harsh but I really am at my wits-end... she has no life other than the hunt and local cross country competitions and I am just not interested.

Sounds to me like you need to join your local Hunt Saboteurs' group!

oldtractor

Slinky wrote: »

I'd be answering the door with a phone clamped to my ear - 'sorry I can't talk I'm on the phone.' If you do get caught on the phone - 'sorry, somebody has just come to the door' is one I use to break off a conversation'

tried this doesnt work!!!!

oldtractor

Azmataz wrote: »

Sounds to me like you need to join your local Hunt Saboteurs' group!

LOL
:j :j

dandelionclock30

How old is the friend? its quite rare for people to get dementia in their 40s or 50s. I know it does happen but not very often, people tend to be older.
I also know that depression and early dementia can appear to be similar in presentation. I think she needs to go to the DRs as it sounds like shes probably got depression and if she has then she needs help as its really horrible. A persons whole life can fall apart with depression.
I think it sounds like she needs an assessment fro the G.P and support from a CPN. Then they can eventually help her with undertaking community activities etc, that dont involve you.
Could you suggest that she goes to the DRS?
If your concerned about the horses then I'd contact a local horse sanctuary as well as the RSPCA. The RSPCA are shockingly bad, but then a least youhave covered all basis.

Jenniefour

Just keep saying 'no' in some form. Don't let her over the doorstep, when she calls say you're busy and can't talk - and don't say anything to lead her to believe this 'friendship' is continuing, it will take longer to end it and be confusing for her. Use the 'broken record' strategy - if you say you're busy and she continues simply repeat and keep repeating.

This person needs a therapist, she's terribly needy and engages others in dysfunctional relationships to try and get her needs met. Inappropriately. Whatever you do is never going to be enough anyway - I think you've realised this. So others become the unpaid informal overworked therapist on demand as well as the victim of her dysfunctional way of relating. Whilst her situation is sad don't let your empathic feelings affect your decision to end this relationship and how you behave with her. She has no real interest in you as a person, this is not a two way friendship which has rewards and satisfactions for you as well. She is very unwell.

Be firm, OP. This person needs professional help where the helper does not allow their own life to be adversely affected, there are proper firm boundaries in place and she is helped to become aware of what she's doing rather than acting out her serious issues (which is what she's doing with you and others before you). Whether she does this is up to her. But you must do what's best for you.

Good luck

oldtractor

[BDandilionclock
[/B]she's 65

dandelionclock30

Its possible then!. A neighbour of mine developed dementia in her 60s and the DRs thought it was depression at first until she became really ill.
If I was really worried about her mentally and wanted her off my back I would consider writing a letter to her husband. I mean surley he has some resonsibility for his wife.

Mistral001

I have read how this thread has developed and I still think that the Op should try tp change this friendship from a totally one-to-one friendship into one that is moderated by at least a third person.


This can be done by politely finishing the telephone conversation but before doing so inviting her to something where it is clear that you will not be alone with her, or in fact inviting yourself and another friend to see her.

Jenniefour

Mistral001 wrote: »

I have read how this thread has developed and I still think that the Op should try tp change this friendship from a totally one-to-one friendship into one that is moderated by at least a third person.


This can be done by politely finishing the telephone conversation but before doing so inviting her to something where it is clear that you will not be alone with her, or in fact inviting yourself and another friend to see her.

Absolutely not, sorry. This would send mixed messages and almost certainly cause confusion to the woman concerned. That is not fair. It leaves the door open for this woman to resume phone calls, turn up uninvited on the doorstep and hold onto hopes that the friendship will continue. It also continues to leave OP at the mercy of the woman's serious problems. What is going on is bordering on harassment.

OP has the absolute right to disengage completely. She is not responsible for the woman's problems and it is in no-one's interests for OP to carry on being victimised by this disordered behaviour. Or to do anything to encourage or invite this situation to continue. Everyone has the right to choose their friends and to discontinue friendships and associations that are not mutually rewarding, emotionally nourishing, enjoyable and freely chosen.